Tuesday, October 28, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: McCain Says Something; I Agree With Him

Campaigning in vain in Pennsylvania, John McCain lambasted Barack Obama - and I agree with him. The issue:

Obama's thirty minute infomercial, where he explains his tax plan, his foreign policy stance and also how the Flowbie haircutting system can save you hundreds of dollars simply by using your existing vacuum cleaner to cut your family's hair beautifully and simply, is supposed to be aired on essentially every network in the country tomorrow night.

McCain excoriated Obama over the program, saying that it was absolutely inexcusable that the airing of the taped message would conceivably delay the start/resumption of the World Series.

McCain left few openings untouched, even bashing Obama for airing a 30-minute commercial Wednesday night that will delay the opening of a World Series baseball game if the series goes to six games.

"No one will delay a World Series game with an infomercial when I'm president," said McCain.

Now THAT is a message I can get behind, John. Do NOT mess with the World Series, Barack. You're treading on thin ice there, pal.

Unfortunately for John, Sarah "Human Cringe-Machine" Palin was there to sound off the full-retard gong again.

"You are such a welcoming and patriotic state," Palin said. "I know we have many patriots in the crowd today."

Phew! Thank Jebus you guys are in Pennsylvania - one of those "patriotic" states. Must have sucked to spend time campaigning recently in those totally un-patriotic states like... wait, now which ones were the un-American states, Governor?

I mean, have we not yet learned our lessons? Now you're by implication suggesting that some states are less or not patriotic? Please enlighten us, Governor... which states are those?

Your reign of stupidity lasts seven more days.


Warm Apple Pie said...

What World Series? They still playing baseball? Phillies and the Rays?

Well, Barack, please tell me how the juice tiger works?

Warm Apple Pie said...

Silly, the patriotic states are Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Colorado, Nevada, Virginia, North Carolina, New Mexico, Missouri and New Hampshire (though recent tracking polls show New Hampshire might not be that patriotic anymore).

Jack Knowledge said...

Yes, of course it's totally unpatriotic and dare I say Muslim of Barack Hussein Obama to purchase advertising time months in advance that inadvertantly delays the start of a possible World Series game.

It is absolutely American and patriotic, however, to insist that the NFL move the start time of the opening game of the season up by an hour and a half to accomodate McCain's speech at the Republican Convention. McCain has Alzheimer's, so he probably doesn't remember demanding that back on September 4, 2008.

Jack Knowledge said...

By the way, and I'll admit, I'm not technically a mathematician (my formal training is in advanced cognitive sciences with a focus on the effects of spirits distilled from grains on the medula oblongata) but Obama's ad is 30 minutes long. Now, I'm just spit-balling here, but if Game 6 happens, and that's a big if at this point, isn't the longest it possibly could be delayed 30 minutes?

McRage forced the NFL to move the opening game of the season by an hour and a half.

Pat Bateman said...

Tongue was firmly planted in cheek, JK. However, the Series already ends at 5 am. I'd rather not push it back 30 minutes for anything.

Warm Apple Pie said...

Again I say: What "Series" do you refer to?


David Wright

Warm Apple Pie said...

Dude, the Series ended about a week ago.

Say hello to your mother for me.


Curt Schilling