Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Hannity Dilemma - McCain's Jane Fonda

I'm coining a new phrase - The Hannity Dilemma. From this pint forward, the Hannity Dilemma will be used to describe the situation where a standard developed by a hard line partisan hack like Sean Hannity, intended to be used only against those heathens with opposing political views, is instead applied to a member of the standard-setting hack's own political party. The horror.

The award is named for Master Hannity because of his wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonder____ (that's 5 1/2 for those counting - you'll see) near aneurysm after his own standard (paraphrased here) asserted against John Edwards - "people who lie to their families by having affairs can't be trusted by the American people" - was applied to John McCain by Hannity's own weak-kneed liberal pushover but awoken from his castrated slumber co-host, Alan Colmes. Hannity gets so fired up that the standard he developed is used against one of his own, that . . . well, he starts quoting math and yelling protest slogans.

In that clip, Sean Hannity was faced with the Hannity Dilemma. His response: Donna Martin Graduates! Donna Martin Graduates! Donna Martin Graduates!

Now that we have an illustration of how The Hannity Dilemma works, lets apply it:

The Standard: The personal acquaintances of presidential candidates are valid, especially when such acquaintances are or were anti-American.

The Intended Application: In applying this standard, just about every talking head on the right (and some on the left), as well as the Republican Presidential ticket, have been hammering the Obama-Ayers and Obama-Wright connections, and particularly the anti-America angle. Fine. As I've stated before, I think those topics are fair game. As long as the same standard is applied to everyone.

The Hannity Dilemma: Joe Klein draws a comparison today between the scrutiny given to Obama's "radical friends," as opposed to the right's absolute silence on McCain's friendship with his own personal Jane Fonda - David Ifshin. As Klein explains:
Ifshin, you see, had been a vehement anti-Vietnam radical. He had even gone to Hanoi at the height at the war and given a speech denouncing the American pilots dropping bombs on North Vietnamese civilians as “war criminals.” The speech was broadcast repeatedly in the Hanoi Hilton, where McCain was being held captive. More than a few people thought Ifshin was guilty of treason.

He was also a close friend of John McCain until he passed away in 1996.

Klein's telling of this story is quite personal and worth the read, as Ifshin was also a friend of Klein's. It also shines a very favorable light on McCain (or, rather, the man McCain used to be). Their friendship was forged out of a respect for each other, despite their polar-opposite opinions so many years before. Ifshin was vocal about his regret for giving the above-referenced speech, and McCain forgave him. The McCain-Ifshin friendship was also detailed with admiration by the NY Sun in 2006. It's really a great story.

But as much as he regretted it, Ifshin did give that speech, just as Jane Fonda gave similar speeches attacking American soldiers. Guess what the right wing pundits think about Jane Fonda? Well Sean Hannity's guests, like Ollie North, think she's a "traitor" for her actions during the Vietnam war. I don't think it's a stretch to claim that that view as common among the right.

Now here's the dilemma: If Fonda is a traitor, so was Ifshin. So if Obama's associations with people like Ayers who, as John McCain described Ifshin "a long time ago, in the passions and resentments of a tumultuous era in our history, I might have considered my enemy," are fair game that must be examined, shouldn't the right wing pundits be examining McCain's association with this person who was a "traitor" by their own standards? Who is the real John McCain? Can we tolerate a president who palled around with traitors? Donna Martin Graduates!

McCain-Palin: Country First ("Real" Country that is)

Nancy Pfotenhauer, top McCain advisor, opines that Northern Virginia does not constitute "Real Virginia."

Asked thirty seconds later to take a do-over, Nancy declines.

Palin speaks to "real America." Nancy speaks to "real Virginia."

As a resident of Los Angeles County, by way of New York City, I'm pretty sure that no one in the McCain camp is speaking to me. I don't think I've ever lived in a part of a "real" state. I guess I"m not a "real" American.

Unfortunately for Nancy, Sarah and the rest of the "real" supporters of the "real" party, they still let us fake people vote. Ask Mickey Mouse.

Like Bush in 2000. Another "Great Uniter."

I'm Sarah Palin?

Dammit - who put a question mark on the teleprompter. How many times do I have to tell you, whatever is on that teleprompter, Palin will read!!

"Our opponent is someone who sees America as imperfect enough to pal around with terrorists who targeted their own country," Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said of Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill.

But then, with the prompter turned off...

But then yesterday to a smaller audience of reporters she said, "I know Obama loves America. I'm sure that is why he's running for president. It's because he wants to do what he believes is in the best interest of this great nation. I believe that our ticket can do a better job for America. But I don't question at all Barack Obama's love for this great country."

It is the same with her "small town America" speeches, to wit:

"We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation," she said this week in North Carolina. "This is where we find the kindness and the goodness and the courage of everyday Americans. Those who are running our factories and teaching our kids and growing our food and are fighting our wars for us. Those who are protecting us in uniform. Those who are protecting the virtues of freedom."

However, when put to her proof (ie: no teleprompter) of why some areas of the country are more "pro-America" or "real America" than others, she brain-farted:

"Every area, every area across this great country where we're stopping and where also the other ticket is stopping and getting to speak at these rallies and speak with the good Americans, it's all pro-America," Palin said. "I was just reinforcing the fact that there, where I was, there's good patriotic people there in these rallies, so excited about positive change and reform of government that's coming that they are so appreciative of hearing our message, hearing our plan."

You betcha. Palin. So hot right now. Palin.

Prominent GOP Peeps Sheepishly Gesture to Obama: "Call me!"

So in an article about the folks that the hypothetical Obama administration might tab for big admin jobs, several prominent Republicans were discussed as having made clear "their availability." Uh oh... sounds like when someone with a girlfriend starts quietly asking whether his friends have any cute interns this summer. One name in particular stuck out - Chuck Hagel. Chuck Hagel has made clear he's available to serve in the Obama cabinet. Whoa, really? Eesh. That can't be a good sign, John McDidIMentionIWasAPOW?

And, in conclusion my friends, September 11th.

Speaking of which, I'm surprised America's Mayor, Rudolph the Red Nosed Turncoat, hasn't smelled the burning tinder of Karl Rove's Republican Troy smoldering in ruin and announced that he is suddenly returning to his former Democratic roots and would be available to serve as Attorney General. Uh oh - I hope I didn't just give him any ideas.

Gateway City Greets Obama

100,000 supporters turnout in St. Louis, Missouri. Obama's response to the outpouring: "wow."

11 electoral votes and the Missouri Bellwether up for grabs: The "Show Me" State has supported the President-Elect since 1904 in all but one election.

Michelle Malkin was seen floating around the crowd, checking identification cards. "We got word that Mickey Mouse was in attendance at ACORN's behest," Malkin sneered. "I'm just protecting the fabric of our democracy."

How's that for "Drill, baby, drill?!" a/k/a the best ten seconds of your life to-date

I admit, I've watched Katie Couric's interview with Gov. Sarah Palin many times. Each time I've watched it, I've been appalled and filled with anger over Gov. Palin's refusal to answer the simple, straight-forward question Couric asked her about which newspapers or magazines she generally reads to form her world view. Palin prevaricated and rather than simply saying "The New York Times," or "The Anchorage Daily News," or whatever, she dissembled and tried to make it seem like Couric was attacking all Alaskans as being uninformed rubes. Well, I just watched the interview again, and this time, let me just say my sense of justice was rewarded.

Terrible Terry Tate: Office Linebacker and my new favorite political pundit. Wooooooo!!!!!!

Update: In response to a number of Potatoe fans' emails, no, I am not Terry Tate. We just look an awful lot alike.

Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann: GOP Working Girl

Ten minute clip, but rich with flithy calumny. Makes you wonder whether criticism of public figures should really enjoy an absolute privilege from defamation lawsuits when the whores of partisan spin (not sexist - Hannity is a big hooker too) abuse the advantages of immunity.

I have many Republican friends. I have many Democrat friends. Yet I maintain my strident independence between the tug-of-war.

Listening to partisan-whore Bachmann however - the nasalness in her dummy voice triggering an ineffable pain in my ears - forces this concession: I see some virtue in the Democratic Party. I could envision joining the Party and sleeping somewhat easy at night. However, I cannot even fathom for an instant standing side-by-side with talking point lapdogs like Michelle Bachmann and beating the Republican tam-tam. These people must look in the mirror and spit on their reflections to keep from careening into the black void of insanity. I think harlot Bachman is cutting her thigh maniacally below the camera shot - the advanced stages of PPS ("Political Pressure Sickness"). This ideological tramp has the "shakes."

And don't give me this "every party has fringe elements" malarky. "You can't judge us by those lingering at the edge of the "big tent.""

Bull sh*t. I can and I will. This repugnant GOP strumpet is a United States Congresswoman, elected by a bunch of boobs humiliating their voting district, giving her legitimacy. Leftist-radical Cindy Sheehan sleeps in a pup tent outside Crawford, Texas, making placards and begging passerbys to "honk if you hate the war."

Your fringe works in the Federal Government. Their fringe works next to cattle.

My opening salvo on Bachmann. The Potatoe will vet.

McCain-Palin Sued For Incitement

A 66-year-old Kansas City granny sues McCain-Palin for the promotion of hate speech. Her complaint alleges, inter alia, that the McCain campaign "intentionally, recklessly and irresponsibly portrayed Barack Obama as un-American, a terrorist by association . . . not like us, and a non-white individual."

The long-in-the-tooth litigator equates Barack Obama to a "modern-day JFK" and fears for his safety. However, she offers a quid pro quo: voluntary dismissal of the claim in return for an unqualified denouncement of these "death threats" by McCain-Palin coupled with a stern warning that the "intruders" issuing these threats will be excluded from future rallies.

Of course it's frivolous, but give granny credit: she paid the $350 filing fees.

From "The Club Of Disaffection" Into The Light

Jonathan Martin of Politico reports:

John Dowd, Cindy McCain's attorney, complained in a letter to New York Times editor Bill Keller earlier this month that the paper had scrutinized the GOP nominee's wife but not investigated matters surrounding Barack Obama including his youthful drug use."You have not tried to find Barack Obama's drug dealer that he wrote about in his book, Dreams of My Father," Dowd wrote in a two-page letter sent to Keller while the paper was reporting a piece about Cindy McCain.

The McCain campaign released the missive late Friday night in response to that story, to be published in the paper's Saturday edition. It's the first time anybody so closely associated with McCain has raised the issue. Continuing the campaign's drumbeat of criticism against the Times, Dowd wrote on October 1st that the paper was not covering the two candidates equally.

In addition to the reference to Obama's "drug dealer," Dowd notes that the Times also has not "interviewed his poor relatives in Kenya and determined why Barack Obama has not rescued them."

At age 33, Barack Obama took a year off after law school to pen Dreams of My Father, a personal memoir about his pedigree as son of a black African father and a white American mother. With stark openness, Obama concedes the underpinnings of a shiftless youth and experimentation with drugs:

"I blew a few smoke rings, remembering those years. Pot had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow when you could afford it. Not smack, though . . ."

Obama couched his normal transience through teenage trial-and-error in terms of race and insecurity:

"Junkie. Pothead. That's where I'd been headed: the final, fatal role of the young would-be black man . . . Except the highs hadn't been about that, me trying to prove what a down brother I was. Not by then, anyway. I got high for just the opposite effect, something that could push questions of who I was out of my mind, something that could flatten out the landscape of my heart, blur the edges of my memory. I had discovered that it didn't make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate's sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you'd met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. ... You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection."

Obama also stated the leisurely use of drugs as an adolescent was a product of stereotypes (trying to be a "tough young man") and regretful ("The choices were misguided. A serious mistake").

When confronted about his erstwhile flirtation with drugs while campaigning for the United States Senate in 2003, Obama responded that it had been 20 years since his last dalliance with illegal substances.

McCain-Palin incessantly ask "who is Barack Obama?" Perhaps they should read books instead of removing them from libraries (sorry - I meant instead of generally hypothesizing with the public librarian about the potential responses to a fictitious mandate speculatively handed down to remove books for argument's sake. You know, just playing devil's advocate). Dreams of My Father and The Audacity of Hope contain 403 and 375 pages respectively. That might be a good jumping-off point to get to know him.

Has there ever been a more vetted, battle-tested candidate in the history of elections than Barack Obama? After almost two years of the most insufferable campaigning, he continues to succeed.

And the remarkable thing is he is not a Teflon candidate: Everything they throw at him sticks. People just don't give a damn.

Friday, October 17, 2008

ACORN SUBTERFUGE: Democrats Are Feisty This Election Cycle!

CHICAGO (AFP) — Barack Obama's campaign accused rival John McCain of using a false crusade against voter fraud to suppress legitimate votes Friday as battles over who ought to be able to cast a ballot in the November 4 election intensified.

The Obama campaign's top lawyer, Bob Bauer, accused Republicans of recklessly "plotting" to suppress legitimate votes and to "sow confusion and harass voters and complicate the process for millions of Americans."

This on the heels of the Obama campaign requesting the appointment of a special prosecutor by Attorney General Mukasey to determine whether McCain-Palin and the RNC made specious, trumped-up voter fraud charges allowing the Justice Department to conduct superfluous and perfunctory investigations - window dressing to legitimize the means to one nefarious end: suppressing votes.

If Obama has a small, but definitive popular and electoral vote lead on November 5 becoming the presumptive President-Elect, let's see how long before the media and the American people storm the RNC fortifications on the "high ground" in blocking certification.

Not long I think. This will not devolve into 2000 lawyering. Suddenly I'm Pollyannaish about our democracy again.

Political Timeout #2: Wahlberg Talking To Animals, Getting Ready To Talk To Samberg

The incessant stream of clips documenting Wahlberg's venom towards Andy Samberg's dead-on impression of Marky Mark talking to animals left me with this first impression: Could Wahlberg be anymore of a brutish clod? I mean what a raging taint-monger.

Then . . . I figured it out. Prediction: all of it is comedic precursor to an "unexpected" cameo on SNL this week where Wahlberg will appear and acost Samberg in a Kaufmanesque bit of television.

Note the time - 7:02 pm PST. A Warm Apple Pie makes the call. I am way out in front on this.

The Papers

After an exodus of unalloyed conservative thinkers over the past few weeks, the McCain-Palin ticket may next face a postscript-in-print if ardently Republican news rags choose rationality over self-righteousness in endorsing Obama. The Chicago Tribune isn't waiting:

"On Nov. 4 we're going to elect a president to lead us through a perilous time and restore in us a common sense of national purpose.The strongest candidate to do that is Sen. Barack Obama. The Tribune is proud to endorse him today for president of the United States."

Could the Wall Street Journal be next? The New York Post? Probably not, but after 161 years of unremitting Republican support (having never endorsed a Democratic presidential candidate), the Tribune's imprimatur of Obama may be prophetic. You can smell the Weltschmerz, the fug of still, dirty political water, wafting out of an ideologically-spent McCain campaign as the odious Palin skulks around with the partisan fringe in the back country increasing the stale air.

The Democratic rags have begun the expected procession of glowing Obama endorsements as well:

From the Washington Post:

"But Mr. Obama's temperament is unlike anything we've seen on the national stage in many years. He is deliberate but not indecisive; eloquent but a master of substance and detail; preternaturally confident but eager to hear opposing points of view. He has inspired millions of voters of diverse ages and races, no small thing in our often divided and cynical country. We think he is the right man for a perilous moment."

So says China's People's Daily! Actually the endorsement is fairly-worded, even bemoaning the paper's inability to seriously consider a highly-respected John McCain ("We think that he, too, might make a pretty good president") due to his unfortunate running mate, Sarah Palin ("The choice is made easy in part by Mr. McCain's disappointing campaign, above all his irresponsible selection of a running mate who is not ready to be president.").

From the Los Angeles Times:

"We need a leader who demonstrates thoughtful calm and grace under pressure, one not prone to volatile gesture or capricious pronouncement. We need a leader well-grounded in the intellectual and legal foundations of American freedom. Yet we ask that the same person also possess the spark and passion to inspire the best within us: creativity, generosity and a fierce defense of justice and liberty. The Times without hesitation endorses Barack Obama for president."

So says Cuba's Granma! Again, this endorsement comes with a heavy heart, lauding McCain as a backstop against flailing Bush policies ("John McCain distinguished himself through much of the Bush presidency by speaking out against reckless and self-defeating policies. He earned The Times' respect . . ."), yet refusing to throw-in with the ultimate arbiter of Sarah Palin's nomination ("His selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate was, as a short-term political tactic, brilliant. It was also irresponsible, as Palin is the most unqualified vice presidential nominee of a major party in living memory."). Go figure.

***UPDATE***: More paper endorsements released tilting heavily to Obama. The Tampa Tribune, however, endorses McCain: "Hard economic times, a disappointing Republican administration and the seductive promises of a master orator are pushing America toward a European-style social democracy. If you don't want that to happen, vote for Republican Sen. John McCain . . ."

The "seductive promises of a master orator?" Is Benny Hinn running for president?

Breaking News: Palin to appear on SNL; Bad Idea Machine says "I retire; I want to go out a champion"

Sarah Palin will appear on Saturday Night Live this week, apparently to do her sidesplitting imitation of Tina Fey. With the TV muted.

Are you serious, Sarah? This is like a Bad Idea Jeans commercial. You're going to go to New York (be careful - don't touch anything or the sodomy might rub off onto you) and get in front of the live audience at SNL? You're going to "pal around" with comedians who likely despise you (and quite probably would like to see you land flat on your face in this endeavor) and in front of possibly the most liberal studio audience in the country? Didn't you learn your lesson at the Flyers game???? How much "boo" do you want to hear in October? Isn't Halloween enough for you?

Well, one thing you can say for Palin - she'll have succeeded where any other guest would fail. She'll make me watch Saturday Night Live this week.

Supreme Court Pimpslaps GOP; Leaves a Mark

The nation's Big Court today handed down a decision that the state GOP of Ohio, challenging voter registrations that had different driver's license numbers or social security numbers and demanding a system of pre-verification under the Help America Vote Act, had no standing to sue and to shut the hell up.

The head of the Ohio GOP today was outraged, saying that the ruling didn't reach the merits, only whether the group had standing to sue. I know how it must feel, knowing that you have to follow the law and being reminded of that by the Supreme Court. Must be very difficult to get over this slight. Compliance with basic law of the land - like having standing to bring a lawsuit - is quite difficult I hear. But I'm no lawyer. However, I played one in the Lifetime Network Red Carpet Movie Event: "Standing to Sue: The Ohio GOP Story." I was also an extra in "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger" and played an orderly on one episode of "Army Wives."

Fact is, this could be looked at as another nail in the GOP coffin - but the question is, do they have a legitimate beef on the merits? There were discrepancies in 200,000 of the over 600,000 new registrations apparently. Wow. That's a lot. But these errors are being attributed to just clerical mistakes, like misspellings, abbreviations or just not copying down addresses or social security numbers correctly. So says the Ohio Secretary of State. Now, this does seem a little suspicious to me... one mistake in three? Well, until I remember every trip I have ever taken to any DMV in the country. For several years, my name was "Fat Bateman" in college, and if you think those years didn't leave a scar, you're wrong, pal. The people doing these transcriptions are paid by the hour - if at all. They are not getting Genius Grants. Mostly because they are not geniuses. The fact that the names or addresses are written down wrong is not tantamount to fraud... stupidity, maybe. Actually, more than likely. But I would concede that it is suspicious at the level of one in three. That seems a high degree of incompetence, even for people from Cleveland.

Suspicious, however, only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Not one instance of outright fraud was demonstrated (not ONE) by the GOP in any court filing, so, frankly, the GOP was lucky the merits weren't reached and only their standing to sue was bitchslapped. The Ohio GOP could not show one iota of damage nor one scintilla of motive. Fact is that these people haven't voted, haven't shown up to vote - haven't done anything at all except register. They haven't even demonstrated their ELIGIBILITY to vote yet. Just filled out a placeholder.

The decision is not the story here, sports fans. The urgency with which the GOP approached this situation is the real tale and should demonstrate their level of fear. The Secretary of State of Ohio, in response to the level of discrepancy, has already set up a system of verification that each voter will have to go through before casting a ballot. That's right... there is already a system of verification built in. So what the hell was the GOP suing to accomplish? The GOP demanded more - essentially, pre-verification. Permission to even show up on election day if someone wrote down your middle name "Alan" rather than "Allan." That's a pretty stiff standard, even for those sticklers in the GOP, who do everything by the book if memory serves from the last eight years. Do you smell that? Smells like desperation. Also, bacon. But mostly desperation.

Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick

This is one of the better ads I've seen in a while, it flips the script on the obnoxiously unfunny (racist?) paradigm of cool blacks kids tooling on goofy white guys, and has the added benefit of not having anything to do with friggin' politics. Note to goofy white guys: staying at a Holiday Inn Express will not actually keep you from getting jacked in tha 'hood.

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

McCain Roasts Obama

Fair and balanced. McCain pokes some fun.

In my opinion, Obama's comedic stylings were cool, steady and focused. McCain, however, was erratic, a bit out of touch and sought guffaws using a testy, abrasive . . . hahaha.

Just joshing around. I really appreciate a fleeting respite of good tidings over a meal before the "Obama loves terrorists" and "McCain loves . . . well, er . . . Palin" attacks ratchet up again.

Obama Roasts McCain

Levity is my salvation.

As Obama alludes to during his uproarious roast of McCain last evening, it is a testament to our democratic process that the two candidates for President, 19 days from the big prize, surrounded by the nasty imbroglio of party politics and the nasty cadre of partisan hacks that drive their campaigns, can dress up, eat a meal on the same dais, take the podium and rib each other without gunplay or surrogate white noise.

ACORN: Mickey Mouse To Vote Come November!

And Disney characters flock to Ohio to exercise the grand old privilege of being a Cartoon-American, backed by the United States Supreme Court.

When asked for reaction, Sarah Palin stated ". . ." Hahahaha, I'm kidding - everyone knows you can't ask Sarah Palin questions.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

ACORN: Ghost Stories for GOP Kiddies. Boooo!

To have standing to sue an individual and bring them into the court room, you, the plaintiff, must present an injury. Without injury, without a showing of damages or a theory of damages, the court has better things to do then adjudicate a case where the plaintiff is not entitled to relief.

The RNC is such a plaintiff when it comes to the ACORN pseudo-scandal. The chimeras of conservative moppets' nightmares - eg., a leftist Mickey Mouse primed to vote Obama - currently reside where they should remain: in dreams.

In the words of Barack Obama, "um . . . so . . . just to be clear" voter registration fraud does not bear fruits of voter fraud on November 4. As such, the Republicans cannot show injury. They cannot show damages.

Case closed . . . but of course it's not - since you hardened, righty, Kool-Aid chugging prick masters cannot stop pushing this lark or generally shut your pie holes. Sigh, let's play it out once again.

We revisit Disney and Mickey Mouse's indefatigable quest to vote for Obama: So the registration card filled out by "Mickey Mouse" is handed to representatives at ACORN from the ACORN canvasser (ie., by the way, just for a visual, Micky is a filthy hobo who stinks of Jack Daniels and rides the rails out past Toledo and is approached by an ACORN canvasser/pederast/check-kiter paid as an independent contractor based on the number of cards she submits. Make them black too, Neocons. Make it terrifying.).

If the card is suspicious, it is segregated from the stack of patently valid registration cards. Sometimes, the representative misses a suspicious card because she is working quickly, or is snorting Colombian bam-bam, or absolutely loves Obama. It really doesn't matter - for both the suspicious pile and verified pile are sent to the Election Board for review.

Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE LAW! ACORN is required to submit all registration cards it collects and stamps with its seal. Why? So that the Election Board can keep tabs on voter drives, provide ethical standards and confirm that the voting rolls are in order with the registration cards.

But Warm Apple Pie - what if the Board lets a suspicious card slip through and Mickey Mouse becomes listed on the voter rolls. Oh my god, does fraud win? Republican children huddle close! Fraud!!!! Boooooooooo!!!!!!

Um, no. Though Mickey Mouse is now registered to vote, there is no Mickey Mouse (sorry kids - there's no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny either. However, hobgoblin Dick Cheney is very real and will spray you with buckshot from his spectral shotgun if you don't pray for the destruction of Iran each evening).

Wait! What about the filthy hobo who filled out the card? He may try to vote as Mickey. Presto! Voter fraud. Fraud, GOP children. Fraud!!!!! Boooooooooooooooooo!

Um, no. The filthy hobo, Mickey Mouse, even Sarah Palin cannot vote without presenting a valid form of identification to the election monitor for authentication before signing the voter roll and before entering the voting booth. Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE LAW.

Okay, okay Warm Apple Pie. But playing along with me just to . . . GOP children? What are you doing? . . . oh my god . . . where did you get that Obama placard . . . stop waiving it . . . there is no change we can believe in . . . sit down children . . . Trig, you too - why are you watching the Couric interview again . . . behave!

Er, so play along with me. Let's say all of these fail safes . . . well . . . fail and the filthy hobo eludes detection and gets into the voting booth. I mean humans are fallible and at least half of the monitors are human (the other half are Democrats). I'm sure a ton of fraudulent votes are cast by misanthropes each election. Countless. Probably hundreds of thousands of these miscreants trolling the election sites. Maybe a million. Who knows?

Twenty. From 2002 to 2005 only 20 people were determined guilty of ineligible voting (and only five of these twenty were found to have voted more than once).

Sleep easy, GOP children. May visions of tax credits for sugar plum purchases dance in your heads.

* * * * *

ACORN is pure Republican hokum used solely to work the base into a heaving swell of stupidity and enlarge the ever-growing gaggle of phantasmal boogiemen conjured up by McCain-Palin this Fall. Maybe it's meant to simply hurt my ears.

It's viable for eighteen more days, as is the right-wing cacophony.

Truuuuuuue, but...

I like this ad a lot. Sure, it's sort of simplistic, but it uses the always classic approach of making the other guy paint himself as a dumbass with his own words. It's like that game you used to play with your little brother where you grab his arm and make him hit himself in the face over and over, all while asking him "why are you hitting yourself? Why do you keep hitting yourself?" Then your father comes in to the room in a drunken rage and beats you with his belt and when you start crying angrily slurs "I'll give you something to cry about." Actually, the new ad isn't much like that at all, but it reminds me that this Sunday is visiting day at Sing Sing.

Lil' Bill

Were it not for the difference in height, I would find Lil' Bill O'Reilly and Uber-douche full-sized Bill O'Reilly to be virtually indistinguishable. I must admit though, even I am surprised at how much anger and vitriolic venom this kid is able to muster, and I kill people all the time. Literally. He must have just been to a Sarah Palin rally to have gotten this worked up, especially since I have it on good authority that Barney Frank likes the ladies.

Bush Tactics as McShame Marches On

McCain-Palin disseminates a new "robocall" to the thankful electorate thirsty for phone interruptions during dinner:

"Hello. I'm calling for John McCain and the RNC because you need to know that Barack Obama has worked closely with domestic terrorist Bill Ayres, whose organization bombed the U.S. capitol, the Pentagon, a judge's home and killed Americans. And Democrats will enact an extreme leftist agenda if they take control of Washington. Barack Obama and his Democratic allies lack the judgment to lead our country. This call was paid for by McCain-Palin 2008 and the Republican National Committee at 202-863-8500."

Hey, it worked for Bush in South Carolina in 2000 against McCain. At least McCain removed the push-polling element: "Hello voter. God bless America. Would it affect your vote if you knew that Barack Obama works with terrorists who bomb buildings? Push "1" for "yes." Push "2" for "of course." Or, push "3" for "he's Muslim."

What the word "phone" conjures for McCain.

See you in the funny papers...

Courtesy of 23/6

Might be a stretch, but...

Watching the debate, it suddenly struck me: the taller, more reserved Senator from Illinois - the lawyer, the bootstrap life, the race baiting on the campaign trail following him, the alleged inexperience, the droll yet witty speaking style - against the shorter, more fiery stump speaker, the "master" of the town hall meeting, the well known maverick and shrewd political operator with a long Congressional history. The two going at it with the fate of the country on the line more than almost ever before in an election, with a nation teetering on the brink.

I was reminded of another such matchup, virtually one hundred and fifty years ago... when Lincoln and Douglas did verbal battle over the fate of our nation (yes, I realize the stakes and circumstances were somewhat different. Don't feel the need to point out every difference. It's a SIMILARITY of feeling, not allegations of being identical). Just thought I'd mention it. Feel free to disagree.

You're F**kin' Rich, Joe! Congrats!

By the way . . . have I mentioned "Joe the Plumber"?

Just making sure.

UPDATE: Full clip of Senator Obama's encountered with Joe the Plumber. Absolutely brilliant. Captivating. This would be "Exhibit A" in my case for an Obama presidency. You can't teach social ease like this. It's an innate gift.

Joe probably leaves this exchange with his vote unswayed, but possessing a new found admiration of the man that might rule him. And it is becoming typical: There are legions of independents, moderates and undecideds now tipping towards Obama on a single premise blooming from the dismay of Bush policies: Let's give Barack a shot. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing more profound.

With McCain shaky and Palin shrill, most decent Americans in an economic pinch turn towards the junior senator from Illinois and simply say "why not." It can't get any worse and the guy seems very open to competing ideas.

For me, Obama is markedly good. But I'm voting for him because he could be exceptional.

Barack Obama: At The Adult Table

I remember countless holidays where I was banished to the kiddie table - out of range of civilized discourse, relegated to making armpit farts and flicking boogers. Worse was the adult folk patronizing me with their disgusted glances, mortified that their scion could belch the alphabet.

Tonight, Obama shook his head with disapproving maturity. Tonight, John McCain made fart noises with his mouth.

"Ayers, ACORN, Ayers, ACORN, Ayers, ACORN, Ayers . . . my campaign is about the economy." Did that just happened???? It did. I almost did a spit-take (I haven't done a spit-take since Palin's explanation about Russia's proximity to her foreign policy experience.).

Tonight, McCain would have been better served with honest questions: "Health care plan? In what respect, Barry?"

The split screen did him no favors. At one point, my girlfriend equated McCain to Vincent D'Onofrio's bug character in "Men in Black." Without pause, I eagerly equated McCain's visage to Jeffy Goldblum's fly character in . . . well . . . "The Fly."

The point?: McCain's skin was thinner than soy paper, absolutely ineffective at shrouding the curmudgeon beast below ready to shed its apocryphal mask of gentility at first prodding. He was petulant, irascible and disconnected. He spouted fluff attacks in rapid-fire succession as if trying to eclipse a world record. It was a haphazard carpet bombing of a hunkered-down Obama, prepared for every twist and turn. Hell, even the much ballyhooed Bill Ayers reference seemed trite and tortured - almost as if McCain doesn't have a bone to pick with folks "pallin' around with terrorists" despite his previous message.

I thought Palin was the death knell for McCain. I was wrong - ask yourself this fundamental question and let it govern your vote: Over the past three months, which candidate demonstrated the consistency of character and a never-failing steadiness in the face of tough questions, tough issues, tough matters and tough world events?

Like I said before - vote the man in this election, not the ideology. Vote for an original leader, not for a partisan soundboard. Vote for the candidate who makes very clear in these three debates that your issues will always trump the petty squabbles of the Autumn election cycle.

Full disclosure: For the first time since I became voter eligible I have donated money to a presidential candidacy. After the second debate, I pulled out my American Express Elite-Yuppie-Intelligentsia-250k-per-year Gold Card (a platinum card is too fringe, too extreme, too Sheehan, just too elite) and authorized a $50 payment to Senator Obama.

Why? Because he's consistent. Because he's steady. And because for all the money I will pay in taxes (being in that upper 5% Barack never speaks to), it is a pittance compared to the potential economic loss I suffer without a job, health insurance and affordable education.

Laud the free market. We all do. But it cannot exist in a vacuum. And whether you are Joe Six-Pack, Joey Danko or Joe Plumber, Mikey Dollar Signs will be quick to interject that you cannot draw blood from a stone and you can't siphon taxes from zero dollars of income, no matter how high the rate.

In closing, yes I'm drunk. But sober enough to see that the "October surprise" is just how damn optimistic I am about a major party candidate less than three weeks from Election Day.

If Richard Lowry had little starbursts for Palin, then count me as flaming gay for Obama. My starbursts come with energy independence in a decade.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Debate, (Election?) Over

Okay, listen - John ate an extra dose of brains and baby blood before tonight's debate, and brought a little fire. So I was happy to see that... mostly just because I was convinced he was an android. More machine now than man. Twisted and evil. Rise, and serve me, Darth McCain.

Problem is, in Pat's humble opinion, he skewed too far the other way... he got a little too angry. One of CNN's pundits just said he went too far towards "Cranky McNasty saying 'get off my lawn young man!'" CNN doesn't make me laugh that often but a broken clock is right twice a day.

Johnny POW went too far. He was TOO animated. TOO angry. In short, he was too much. In past debates, he wouldn't mix it up. Tonight, he mixed it up too much. He got too chippy. He was aggressive. He was assertive. He just might have overshot the green.

What I don't understand is why Obama never takes on McCain's errors or miscues, or some of his more, um, questionable statements during these debates. Obama sticks to the talking points, but he can't go off script and really put the hammer down it seems. For example, either I mistake quite, or McCain said that Obama voted against the confirmation of Justice Breyer during what he described as a despicable campaign of judicial filibustering by Senate Democrats. Here's the transcript section:

I voted for Justice Breyer and Justice Ginsburg. Not because I agreed with their ideology, but because I thought they were qualified and that elections have consequences when presidents are nominated. This is a very important issue we're talking about.

Sen. Obama voted against Justice Breyer and Justice Roberts on the grounds that they didn't meet his ideological standards. That's not the way we should judge these nominees. Elections have consequences. They should be judged on their qualifications. And so that's what I will do.

Now, that sounds pretty bad. But Obama neglected to correct him that he wasn't in Congress back in 1994 when Justice Breyer was confirmed under Clinton. Now, did McCain simply mess up a name? Yeah. But he can't keep facts straight and Bam doesn't - ever - take him to task. I suppose Obama is like a boxer in the 15th round with an insurmountable points lead just trying not to lead with his chin. But he's so "cool" sometimes that it is offputting.

Maybe I'm wrong and there's no reason to take someone on who you've already likely beaten if you just run out the clock. That certainly seemed to me to be the Obama strategy strategy tonight. I suppose time (three weeks worth) will tell if letting McCain run wild tonight, both good and bad, was wise.

"Breast of Fresh Air?"

Did John McCain refer to Sarah Palin as a "breast of fresh air" tonight?

Developing story . . .

Sarah Palin As President

A look into the crystal ball of what may be. I feel a chill.

ACORN FLACK: Two Things to Realize

One, properly characterized, the allegations against ACORN touch upon "voter registration fraud," not "voter fraud" as Greta and Michelle Malkin inartfully cram down your throats with every unseemly report. There's a monumental difference - chances are none of the erroneous or falsified registration forms will result in a fraudulent vote. Fear not: Mickey Mouse will not pull a lever on November 4.

Two, most districts promulgate laws precluding the destruction of any registration form prior to a mandatory delivery to the Election Board for review. Mickey Mouse is then vetted. Mickey Mouse is then denied access to the polls on Election Day.

Another titantic GOP red herring.
Don't take my word for it: Newsweek notes the cartoonish quality of the ACORN diversion, playing out the new Disney movie "Mickey Goes To Vote" to its ineluctable conclusion:

"I'll use Mickey Mouse to demonstrate how ACORN has engaged in voter registration fraud. In Florida, Acorn pays local workers $8 an hour to gather 20 voter registrations a day. One of these workers, seeking to meet his quota and snap up his paycheck, wrote down "Mickey Mouse," forged a signature and turned his form; others have submitted forms with made-up names, repeated names, unreadable handwriting, missing information, signatures that didn't match those on file, altered dates of birth or Social Security numbers. Following protocol, ACORN tried to find the incomplete, duplicate or bogus forms and fire the employees who submit them. But before sending every application to the state--which is required by law--the group unfortunately failed to flag a few.

This has undoubtedly made life more difficult for the local officials tasked with verifying applications, and ACORN should be held accountable. But it can't possibly change who's voting on Election Day. Mickey Mouse isn't going to show up at the polls. Voters can't vote if they don't exist. People who are registered twice will only be allowed to vote once. Annoying as they are, these inconsistencies can't affect the outcome of the election. They can only cause headaches."

In a related story, Michelle Malkin is making the case for Mickey Mouse's internment until after November 4 just to be sure.

The Salt Speaks

Ah, more enlightenment from the heartland, eastern Ohio, as Palin continues to barnstorm and heal the infirm GOP under her revival (or circus) tent.

"Negra?" Negra! Wow - that's old school racism. That's George Wallace racism. That's some Jim Crowe, separate-but-equal water fountain hatefulness. You just don't hear the feminine form of the old classic "Negro" these days. Very grizzled, sir. I hope McCain fires them up tonight and chides Obama for being too uppity.

"If you have a Negra running for president, he ain't a first-stringer, he's definitely a second-stringer." Sure, but Vinnie "the Microwave" Johnson came off the bench for the Detroit Pistons and changed the course of the 1989 Finals. I'm just saying Obama could win the sixth man award in his first term.

"[Obama] believes that us white people are trash." He doesn't believe it - he knows it. It's a fact when your Dairy Queen mouth is worthy of a garbage receptacle. These are not simple folks. These are dangerously ignorant folks. Vapid folks. A pronounced difference.

Ignorance reaches a point where you must stop apologizing for it.

"Palin is infused by the holy spirit." Please don't tell me these wackadoos think Trig is the second coming.

Let me respond to Palin's "folks," "dudes," "guys and gals," "Joe Six-Packs," "hockey moms" and "workers" in familiar terms:

"Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men."

- Matthew 5:13

Cast out into the wilderness in 20 days. I will pray for it.

Bill Clinton Rues the Day!

This isn't recent. Just encountered it during one of my daily youtube constitutionals.

Hahaha - I've been there Bill. Slick Willy has been burning the candle on both ends. But Clinton is such the consummate charmer, that I almost find this clip endearing ("I'm just like you, folks. I fade out during mandatory attendance events too.").

Man, if this was McCain snoozing, Sarah Palin gets eviscerated by the media all over again - just one deleterious snore away from the White House.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Coolest of All Cucumbers

Even big spiders on his breast pocket can't phase Obama. This guy is cool under economic fire. Cool under arachnid fire.

This would have been the gaffe-turning point for my campaign as I erupted in frenzied, emergency motions, swingly my arms wildy and drenched in little school girl tears!

"Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww. Get it off!!!!!!! Get it off!!!! Ewwwww! It's biting me!!!! Jesus Christ, where is it!!!!!Please!!!!! Somebody help me!!!!! I need a bailout!!!!!"

This clip sealed the deal for me. I'm voting for the uber-cool customer who laughs at spiders and market volatility.

"Yeah, It Has Got to Be the Media's Fault." Right

Payoff on this clip is the last ten seconds.

After Rudy "Nueve Once" (recent legal name change by the former mayor) provides the usual fodder in response to a question about the vicious ad hominem attacks coming from the McCain campaign and its minions over the past week, CBS anchor Harry Smith lets slip a little main stream media bile.

"Yeah, It has got to be the media's fault." Look out folks! Harry Smith is off the leash and frothing mad with unwavering restraint and subtle sarcasm!

The Republicans are like Demi Moore at the end of "Disclosure" - out of pride, out of gas, out of bridges to burn, cloaked in detestableness.

I've never seen you play the victim before, GOP? It suits you.

Is That A Bottle Of Unprescribed Vicodin In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Well, it's about time. Finally, the mainstream media backs the slippery Palin into a corner, disabused of her handlers, her "shoosh" people or any means of escape. Time to face the harsh glare of responsible, objective, unflinching journalism. We've got questions, Sarah. And we have savage follow-ups. Put down the crib sheet, turn off the teleprompter - no talking point can save you now. After six weeks of tactical evasion, Palin has her Q&A come-uppance. This is going to be good:

RUSH: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Rush Limbaugh and Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress by The Hollies taking us into our little chat here with Governor Sarah Palin, the vice presidential nominee for John McCain. Governor Palin, welcome to the program. It's nice to have you here. It's a pleasure to speak with you.

GOVERNOR PALIN: Hey. Thank you so much and dittos from Scranton.

RUSH: Scranton, Pennsylvania, on the bus?

GOVERNOR PALIN: We just got off the bus. We're heading into a rally here, but wanted to take a couple of minutes to get to say hi and let you know what we're doin', Rush.

RUSH: I tell you, I was in a quandary here this morning. I admire you so much I really don't know what to ask. I was tempted to say, "Okay, Governor Palin. You've got ten minutes. Let her rip." (laughs)



Hohhhhhh YES!!!!!!

The Huffington Post is reporting that that the Washington lobbyist John McCain has named to head his presidential transition team lobbied directly for executed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. Let me just say, hohhhhhhh YESSSSS!!!!!!!!

The two lobbyists who McCain aide William Timmons worked closely with
over a five year period on the lobbying campaign later either pleaded guilty to
or were convicted of federal criminal charges that they had acted as
unregistered agents of Saddam Hussein's government.

Having directly lobbied on behalf of Saddam Hussein is kinda bad, no? Sorta makes having sat on a committee in the '90s with Bill Ayers seem kinda like having gone to kindergarten with someone who got a speeding ticket 30 years later. Did I mention SADDAM HUSSEIN??? Good thing McCain is going to do away with all those Washington lobbyists, and by "do away with" I mean "appoint to positions of remarkable power in spite of having given aid and comfort to an enemy of the United States of America," which, and correct me if I'm wrong, is treason. Let me put it this way: John McCain hearts Saddam Hussein.

Piss hands: Not just for ball players anymore

Newly re-crowned WBC heavyweight champion Vitaly "Dr. Ironfist" Klitschko had some swelling in his massive hands after beating Nigerian Nightmare Samuel Peter by TKO on Saturday. How did he treat the swelling, you ask? He wrapped his hands in his son's wet, urine-soaked diapers, of course!

"I wrap nappies filled with my three-year-old son Max's wee around my fists," he said, adding he got the idea from his grandmother. "The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down."

Avid baseball fans have been regaled for years by winsome tales of favorite ballplayers pissing on their own hands during spring training to harden them for a season of baseball. The players known for doing this are almost exclusively the same few players who don't wear batting gloves during games and rely instead on their well-calloused piss-hands. Moises Alou and Jorge Posada are prime examples, though I'd hazard a guess that Manny Ramirez pees on his hands too, but probably just for fun.

Yay wee wee!

Disney Characters Endorse Obama

St. Petersburg Times reports that none other than Mickey Mouse tried to register to vote for the 2008 presidential election. Mickey's application was stamped with the logo of embattled nonprofit group ACORN, the "Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now," a grass roots action group pressing various social and economic issues for low income citizens.

ACORN has come under fire for what Republican watchdogs allege are unscrupulous voter registration drives in key battleground states. The building confrontation has become white hot in Ohio, where yesterday election officials in Cuyahoga County, Ohio's most populous voting district, launched an investigation into certain dubious dealings by ACORN canvassers, including an allegation by a 19-year-old registrant that he fraudulently signed 73 voter registration forms in the span of five months in exchange for $20 worth of cigarettes and cash.

Is the registration of Mickey Mouse really a story? I mean I know you need filler for the 24 hour news cycle. He's a six foot tall talking mouse: Shouldn't he be easy to spot and pull out of line at the polling place on November 4th in the unlikely event he attempts to vote?
This is a non-story. Give me something with legs - like Goofy soliciting a transvestite hooker outside the Carousel of Progress in Tomorrowland. That's a scoop. Or Cinderella getting violently gang-raped by Donald Duck and an animatronic William Howard Taft in the basement of the Hall of Presidents - a shocking crime that will forever rob the Liberty Square community of its innocence.

In a related story, Greta Van Susteren has pledged to burn herself at the stake if Barack Obama wins Ohio from an ACORN boon. Greta has done for her cause celebre, ACORN, what Nancy Grace has done for poor Caylee Anthony: Absolutely nothing! - except scowls, sneering eye rolls and pushing an investigatory progress comparable to Ray Charles looking for a five dollar bill in a wad of cash.

"Where's Caylee, dammit????? Where's Caylee?????? Now, look at my precious twins and worship them! Bless you, friends!"

Be all my sins remember'd

Monday's Anchorage Daily News ran a scathing editorial regarding Sarah Palin's "Orwellian" response to the Branchflower Report, explicitly finding that she abused her power and violated the state's ethics law. Reading it, frankly, was rather reassuring to me; not everyone in Alaska has been eating a steady diet of retard sandwiches.

Palin vindicated?
Governor offers Orwellian spin
Published: October 13th, 2008 10:02 PM

Last Modified: October 13th, 2008 10:17 PM

Sarah Palin's reaction to the Legislature's Troopergate report is an embarrassment to Alaskans and the nation.

She claims the report "vindicates" her. She said that the investigation found "no unlawful or unethical activity on my part."

Her response is either astoundingly ignorant or downright Orwellian.

Page 8, Finding Number One of the report says: "I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act."

In plain English, she did something "unlawful." She broke the state ethics law.

Say Hello to your Mother for Me, Goat!

Warm Apple Pie spends its first political timeout and has two remaining. I could not let this pass without feigned outrage (feigned outrage is my bailiwick if you hadn't guessed).

Marky Mark mewls about Andy Samberg's think piece, what would it be like if Wahlberg exchanged pleasantries with some animals. From the Huffington Post:

"Wahlberg said of the sketch:

Someone showed it to me on YouTube. It wasn't like Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin, that's for sure. And "Saturday Night Live" hasn't been funny for a long time. They've asked me to do the show a ton of times. I used to watch it when Eddie Murphy was there and Joe Piscopo and Bill Murray. I don't even know who's on the show now."

Let me get this straight: You're livid over SNL conjuring up a fictitious dialogue between yourself and a bunch of barnyard critters? Then I'm more livid over those 10 bucks you heisted from my wallet when I saw The Happening. I'd rather blow the goat Samberg was chatting up then sit through that cinematic turd again. And I thought you had a "great, big c*ck," Eddie Adams. Weak.

Wahlberg, say hello to your mother for me, alright.

God Love Yah, You've Had Some Work Done

Yes, Joe Biden has the forehead of a 21-year-old as the Republicans start smearing Lunchpail's unfurrowed brow.

Get a new bag of tricks, neocon vipers! - John Kerry's upper countenance was similarly "skull-f**ked" and "swift-boated" in similar fashion during the 2004 election.

Can't a Democratic elder simply have good, natural bone structure? How do you think FDR appear so rackishly handsome during all those televised speeches and webcasts?

My name is John Kerry and I'm reporting for . . . surgery. This is my buddy, Joe. Can we schedule him for a consultation.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Santa Claus, J.D. Drew and now Governor Palin

Hmmm, not giving you that "rock star" reception you're used to at McCain rallies in the sticks? According to some reports, the disjointed theme music accompanying Palin's introduction before dropping the ceremonial puck at a Flyers-Rangers game was noticeably raised as she approached center ice to drown out the boos.

However, the crowd was not permitted any follow-up boos, jeers or hisses at the request of Palin's handlers.

Welcome to Philly, Sarah. Man, welcome to the contiguous United States, sister!

The only time I have felt unsafe at a sporting event was watching a Giants-Eagles game at the Vet in days of yore. I thought they were going to shiv my father in the upper deck.

Palin: McCain Will End Washington's Abuses of Power

Finding One of the Branchflower Report: ". . . I find that Governor Sarah Palin ABUSED HER POWER by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a). . . ."

I think I just choked on a crazy pill! Palin sports quite a poker face to deliver this talking point tripe again and again, never with the slightest indicia of shame or hesitation.

I'd say that Biden should go after her (makes no sense for Obama to give her credibility by breathing her name) if she wasn't doing such a fantastic job in attacking herself.

Send her back to Alaska, folks, so she can return to the important business of monitoring Russia.

Behind Enemy Lines

McCain supporters drift astray into hostile waters south of Houston in Manhattan.

Despite reports from Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh to the contrary, none of these intrepid Republicans were murdered by the liberal heathens during this march.

Levi Johnston's Wedding Band: "Bristol"

Hypocrisy, Mendacity and Unmitigated Gall

ABC News and Politico are reporting that Rep. Tim Mahoney — the Florida Democrat who replaced disgraced Republican Mark Foley in 2006 — paid $121,000 to a staffer with whom he had an affair.

According to ABC News, "Mahoney was elected two years ago following the abrupt resignation of his disgraced predecessor, Republican Mark Foley, whose lewd internet messages to teenage boys and Congressional pages created a national outrage.

The affair between Mahoney and Allen began, according to the current and former staffers, in 2006 when Mahoney was campaigning for Congress against Foley, promising 'a world that is safer, more moral.'"

"At the time, Mahoney's campaign ads featured a picture of him with his wife, Terry, with the line, 'Restoring America's Values Begins at Home.'"

Lately, it seems as if all my vitriol has been directed at Republicans, and with good reason. But this story illustrates my real problem with politics and politicians, regardless of their political affiliations, and that problem is gross hypocrisy. Look, I don't care if this yutz has an affair, or even if he pays off his mistress (so long as he is using his own money to do it). The problem for me is this sonofabitch pointing his finger at another sinner and getting all moralistic and holier-than-thou. Now is a congressman screwing a woman other than his wife less bad than a congressman trying to gay-bang teenage boys? Probably? Maybe? Who knows. Who cares? What's the difference? It's like Sidecar always says, if you live in a glass house, you shouldn't throw stones.

Run on your ideas, run on your record, run on your golf handicap, but if you can't keep your dick in your pants, please don't insult me by telling me you are some morally wonderful, God-fearing saint.

The Orwellian Tactic of Debunking Facts

"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing, any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that."

- Sarah Palin (from her less-than-six minute phone interview with four journalists based in Alaska restricted from asking any follow-up questions. Kudos to McCain for making her "available.").

"For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act. Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) provides: The legislature reaffirms that each public officer holds office as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust."

- Finding Number One from the Branchflower Report.

"How many fingers, Winston?"

"Four. I suppose there are four. I would see five if I could. I am trying to see five."

"Which do you wish: to persuade me that you see five, or really to see them?"

"Really to see them."

- Excerpt from George Orwell's 1984

Yes, yes, I see now!!!! Palin was exonerated!!!! Palin is the victim!!!!!!!!!!! The Report cleared her. Finding Two is Finding One. I see now, O'Brien! I see it! Long live the GOP!

Hitchens: "Palin is simply a disgrace"

Christopher Hitchens writing for Slate has had enough of Palin:

"The most insulting thing that a politician can do is to compel you to ask yourself: "What does he take me for?" Precisely this question is provoked by the selection of Gov. Sarah Palin. I wrote not long ago that it was not right to condescend to her just because of her provincial roots or her piety, let alone her slight flirtatiousness, but really her conduct since then has been a national disgrace. It turns out that none of her early claims to political courage was founded in fact, and it further turns out that some of the untested rumors about her—her vindictiveness in local quarrels, her bizarre religious and political affiliations—were very well-founded, indeed. Moreover, given the nasty and lowly task of stirring up the whack-job fringe of the party's right wing and of recycling patent falsehoods about Obama's position on Afghanistan, she has drawn upon the only talent that she apparently possesses."

Unabashed in his love of booze, Hitchens has a sober moment. He endorses Barack Obama for President.

Unless an emergency requires his immediate attention again . . .

. . . John McCain will appear on the Late Show with David Letterman on October 16 - the night after the debate.

Having averted the economic crisis by the daring decision to suspend his campaign and return to Washington, McCain feels it is an appropriate time to be funny again.

"We have 22 days to go. We’re six points down"

It is now or never for John McCain. The final debate on Wednesday. When the dust settles, a two- week sprint to November 4 where Obama's cash-heavy coffers will be unleashed and exhausted.

The following figures come courtesy of Real Clear Politics ("RCP").

National polls still show Obama leading outside the 3% margin of error as of October 12:

RCP Average: Obama +6.8

Rasmussen Tracking: Obama +5

Zogby Tracking: Obama +4

Hotline/FD Tracking: Obama +6

ABC/Washington Post: Obama +10

More significant, Obama is trending upwards in the hotly contested, big electoral prize battleground states, the key to winning this election:

Ohio (20 electoral votes): Obama +2.9 (RCP average)

Pennsylvania (17 electoral votes): Obama +13.4 (RCP average)

Florida (27 electoral votes): Obama +3.8 (RCP average)

If Obama carries Florida, then the only thing Sarah Palin will be "shaking up" come inauguration day will be Trig's formula. Florida is ball game.

Even more ominous for the McCain faithful are Obama's inroads in states traditionally viewed as Republican bastions:

Virginia (17 electoral votes): Obama +6.3 (RCP average)

North Carolina (15 electoral votes): Obama +1.2 (RCP average)

Indiana (11 electoral votes): McCain +3.8 (RCP average)

Indiana is the most alarming example of Obama's momentum over the past month. Keep in mind that Bush easily carried Indiana in both 2000 (by a landslide 16%) and again in 2004 (by a whopping 20%). The fact that the Democrats have thrown Indiana into play speaks volumes to McCain's predicament with three weeks to go. He is running out of electoral map permutations to claim victory.

And an African-American candidate with a Muslim father leading in a "Deep South" state like North Carolina. Pretty remarkable.

Unveiling a new comeback speech this week, McCain now attempts to cast himself as the scrappy, pugnacious underdog looking for a back-alley brawl against insurmountable odds:

"Let me give you the state of the race today. We have 22 days to go. We’re six points down . . . What America needs in this hour is a fighter; someone who puts all his cards on the table and trusts the judgment of the American people. I come from a long line of McCains who believed that to love America is to fight for her. I have fought for you most of my life. There are other ways to love this country, but I’ve never been the kind to do it from the sidelines.”

To arms then, John. You're on the clock. See you Wednesday night at Hofstra.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Baghdad John

I'm sure you all remember Baghdad Bob - Saddam's minister of disinformation turned internet sensation - proclaiming that there were no American tanks in Baghdad while the 3rd Infantry Division was rolling down Hussein Avenue. Well it seems we now have our own American version - Baghdad John. As the Palin-McCain tanks of racism are rolling down Main Street, USA, Baghdad John is telling the world that he's running a respectful campaign. Another day, another appeal to racism by the McCain campaign, and another day where Baghdad John asserts that the campaign he's running differs from the reality on the ground.

With so much at stake, and time running short, Frederick did not feel he had the luxury of subtlety. He climbed atop a folding chair to give 30 campaign volunteers who were about to go canvassing door to door their talking points — for instance, the connection between Barack Obama and Osama bin Laden: "Both have friends that bombed the Pentagon," he said. "That is scary." It is also not exactly true — though that distorted reference to Obama's controversial association with William Ayers, a former 60s radical, was enough to get the volunteers stoked. "And he won't salute the flag," one woman added, repeating another myth about Obama. She was quickly topped by a man who called out, "We don't even know where Senator Obama was really born." Actually, we do; it's Hawaii.
The Frederick in the above anecdote is none other than the GOP Chairman of Virgina, Jeffrey M. Frederick. Not some low level volunteer. Not some maverick Maverick supporter spewing hate on his own time. This is the GOP Chairman of Virginia. You can email or call him here, if you so desire.

Now either John McCain is sincere in his desire to run a respectful campaign, but has no control over that campaign (disqualifying him from the presidency), or he is a bigot (disqualifying him from the presidency). And for those who bristle at the allegation that McCain is a racist, I will offer the following - if McCain doesn't want people to think he's a racist, then he should stop appealing to racism in his campaign. If McCain doesn't want people to think he's a racist, then he should stop defending his supporters that call Obama a "terrorist," a "traitor," and advocate killing him. If McCain doesn't want people to think he's racist, then he should stop looking the other way when supporter after supporter treat Obama's middle name as a pejorative term. If McCain doesn't want people to think he's a racist, then he shouldn't let his campaign Co-Chair - his campaign Co-Chair - call Obama "a guy of the street" and insinuate that he was a drug dealer. If McCain doesn't want people to think he's a racist, then he shouldn't unleash his running mate to incite rage and xenophobia resulting in racial outbursts towards the closest black person in the room. If McCain doesn't want people to think he's racist, then he shouldn't allow the invocation at a Palin-McCain rally to explicitly call for a defeat of the Hindu, Buddhist and Muslim people praying for Obama. If McCain doesn't want people to think he's a racist, then he shouldn't allow his supporters to send letters from Republican headquarters stating that "Obama is an Arab."

If McCain doesn't want people to think he's a racist, then he should stop his campaign from saying racist shit. And if Baghdad John doesn't want to become the joke that Baghdad Bob is, then he better start facing reality instead of creating his own.

BREAKING NEWS: McCain to kick You-Know-What, take names and then have a short nap.

I normally don't giggle like a schoolgirl, but this little nugget had me clutching my "Wasilla Moosehunting Barbie" and cackling like a tweener:

McCain said he and running mate Sarah Palin would continue campaigning hard in the three weeks left before Election Day, in places like Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Nevada and Colorado. The two planned a joint appearance Monday in Virginia, a Republican stronghold turned battleground this time. "We're going to spend a lot of time and after I whip his you-know-what in this debate, we're going to be going out 24/7," McCain said. The two men will debate Wednesday at Hofstra University on Long Island, N.Y. CBS News anchor Bob Schieffer will moderate the 90-minute forum. Still, McCain promised to run a "respectful" campaign in the weeks to come. "I respect Senator Obama, we will conduct a respectful race and be sure everyone else does too. But there are stark difference between us," McCain said.

John, listen... you cannot threaten to kick someone's ass at something (and John, I'd respect you more if you just said "ass." "You-know-what" is something my grandmother would have said before she had her daily 4 pm glass of Scotch, after which it became "ass" if you were lucky and words I still don't fully understand the meaning of if you were not.) and then say you're going to run a respectful campaign. If you threaten to whup up on someone, that's straight-up disrespect and I do not think that's subject to reasonable disagreement. I have no problem with the disrespect either, but do not temper it in the next breath. Either throw down or do not throw down - there is no try.

Side note, Johnny: it's too late to throw down. You betcha.

Really? Are you serious?

On Friday the Alaska Legislature released its "Troopergate" report finding that Governor Sarah Palin had abused her power. Finding Number One of the Commission's report reads:

Finding Number One:

"For the reasons stated in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her powers by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act."

Saturday, in response to a question about the legislature finding explicitly that she had abused her powers, Governor Palin insisted that the investigation found “no unlawful or unethical activity on my part,” and added that “there was no abuse of authority at all in trying to get Officer Wooten fired.”

Really? Because I'm pretty sure it found the exact opposite of that. Good one though. Liar.