Saturday, November 15, 2008

Assassination Of Liberalism By The Coward Dennis Miller

"I don't mean to go on a rant, folks, but . . . "

Highfalutin, GOP nozzle Dennis Miller says Sarah Palin is a "great dame." He regards the appearance of the good-looking Governor's "great sex life" as the source of bile coming Palin's way courtesy of a coterie of left-leaning ice queens, presiding over cold, dour lives and marriages according to Miller, in the oppressive chasteness of Manhattan's Upper East Side.

Then, guaranteeing the homely vision of his unkempt, watery-fat, ape face will dispel any notion of giving the missus a proper pickle-tickle this evening, Miller brings Todd Palin's snow machine into his sordid allegory, commenting that it has the look of "mechanized foreplay," a precursor to Alaska's first couple's exchange of bodily fluids most likely.

In Miller's wacky, German scat-porn body politic, that's why Sarah Palin fascinates the folks: the ability to have "non-neurotic sex" with her strapping Tesoro Iron Dog champion, as Monday Night Football's worst anchor phrases it.

So there you have it, Republicans: Your new standard-bearer instills such wonderment (such "starbursts around the living room") simply because she'll opt for the receiving end of a "Cleveland Steamer" without regret, guilt or therapy in its malodorous wake.

Miller, put the little monster away - the Palins ain't in the market for scruffy, irascible three-way. And that goes for the rest of you conservative cattle-rapers: get the grand old elephant's trunk out of Sarah's face. Show some class. Pretend that she's smart and sexy. That goes for you too, Greta. Christ, will someone get Greta's tongue out of the Governor's ear?

Who needs sexist attacks from the left with hyper-sexist flattery from the right? Sarah, I'd avoid back rooms of dive bars with any combination of Rich Lowry, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill Kristol, Dennis Miller and/or Hugh Hewitt throwing back Jaeger Bombs. Get away from that pinball table, Sarah!

I just love watching Miller huff and puff in a vain, awkward effort to ingratiate himself with a confused Republican audience. You're playing to the wrong crowd, Dennis. They don't get you. They don't particularly like you either.

You want an arcane cultural reference that resonates for no one, but I'll use it anyway and not be funny? After 9-11, Miller dumped liberalism for neoconservatism quicker than Vidkun Quisling traded in Norway for Nazism at Oslo's NRK studios in April 9, 1940. You got that, babe?

Let me give you the Dennis Miller transformational chronology from pedant to pussy in the flash of a fireball:

September 10, 2001: Miller loves pot, strippers, whores, gays, blacks, books, college radio, cynicism, polysyllabic rants - a "left-leaning, Dada-ist wisenheimer"according to Slate's Dennis Cass.

September 11, 2001: Terrorists attack New York City and Washington D.C. - the prime fronts of Al Qaeda's war to rid the world of asexual, frigid liberal women.

September 12, 2001: Miller curls up in the fetal position, shrinks in fear, plays tiddlywinks with his spontaneously combusted, new found chicken-hawk vinny, pretends to hate pot, strippers, whores, gays, blacks, books, college radio and cynicism. Still goes on windy polysyllabic rants, this time annoying Real Americans and raining down a torrent of canceled, unwatchable cable talk shows and failed game show pilots - a "tell-it-like-it-is right-wing blowhard" according to Slate's Dennis Cass.

September 13, 2001: Terrorists declare victory over GOP infant Miller, still cowering in the corner of the room with a wet diaper and a baby's intellect - a.k.a an unflinching Republican soldier.

For good measure, Jack Knowledge has to get his licks in on Miller, like Fred O'Bannion laying the lumber, giving the good wood, to Mitchy Kramer:

"Know when you can tell someone could really use a good cockslap? When they manage to make Bill O'Reilly seem somewhat less douchey by comparison. We salute you Dennis Miller, you skid mark on the underpants of society."

The days of the great Dennis Miller Live on HBO are long gone.

"Of course . . . that's just The Potatoe's opinion . . . we could be wrong."

***UPDATE***: Newshounds adds its two cents on Miller's peculiar bit on The O'Reilly Factor:

Comment: Words fail me – actually two words, directed to Miller come to mind. Miller’s commentary was as offensive as that of National Review's Kevin Burke who claimed that liberal women hated Palin because they felt guilty about their abortions and because Palin chose to give birth to a Down’s baby – views shared by Fox’s Bill O’Reilly and Charles Krauthammer.

To those males, who claim to channel what liberal women think, I say STFU. As I noted on an earlier thread, liberal women do not begrudge Palin her choice – a choice which Palin would deny to other women. As I also noted, there are other issues, important to women, which Palin either ignored or was uninterested in. But what was really, really creepy (and offensive) was Miller’s fantasizing about Palin’s sex life. It sounds like Dennis Miller, rather than East Side liberal women, has some – ah – problems? And snowmobile as “foreplay” – whatever gets you through the night, Dennis!

All I can say is that one of my best friends is a working mom with four children. I don’t know about her sex life (and don't want to know). What I do know is that she gets very tired. Obviously, I am not a Sarah Palin fan; but Miller's little screed was insulting to her because it revealed that Miller’s admiration is based on her “sexuality” (ability to please her man) and not on her ability to combine a political career with raising a family which includes a child with special needs. And that is very sexist!

Greta, Miller, Lowry, etc. - GOP admiration for Palin has become disturbingly fetishistic. I'm starting to worry about her safety.

I began drafting a "funny" take on that scene from The Accused starring the neocon usual suspects, but better judgment prevailed and I abandoned the project when I envisioned Hannity doing a jig atop a bar table, cruelly ribbing a reluctant Colmes to "get that college ass ready. You're up next, college boy. I want to see that college ass work" as Rush Limbaugh and Fred Barnes held Governor Palin down on the pinball table, while . . . (swallow vomit) . . . Greta thrusted in and out between the helpless Sarah's spread legs, climaxing with an orgasm face.

I feel awful about myself right now. Bad baby, bad baby, GOP!

Gretawatch: The Lantern-Jawed Banshee Continues To Stalk Palin

Greta continues to shill for Governor Palin, declaring her "the front runner" for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2012. Interviewing a local Miami journalist about the Republican Governors Association conference this week (or, as Greta puts it, Sarah Palin's vetting process meet-n-greet for vice presidential hopefuls), Van Susteren and her lantern jaw gushed over Palin's big reception by the media covering her very first presser . . . um . . . eight days after the election. She fielded four questions, responding at times, unexpectedly, with a smattering of words. Still, sentences were conspicuously absent.

Staying fair and balanced, I cannot report that Greta verbally acknowledged her sapphic tendencies when she interacts with the Saracuda, but draw your own conclusions from wearing Palin's panties on her face during the entire broadcast of Friday's On The Record. I found it telling.

By the way, if Greta calls Todd Palin "the first dude" one more time I'm going to rip my clothes off and hug the sun:

***UPDATE***: Greta is a Scientologist. I'm just saying. Keep her away from couches, Oprah and questions about her feelings for Palin.

Palin As President . . .

Nice. Got a grin out of me.

"Soul Fixers" To The Left Of Me, "Healers" To The Right

One of Michelle Malkin's compassionate and tolerant readers reminds us that lost in the California Proposition 8 furor is Christian benevolence:

Palmdale resident James Jackson, a member of the Church of Latter-day Saints who gave $1,000 to the Proposition 8 campaign, said he felt that the good works of his church had been forgotten in the midst of attention on the protests about the vote.

“I’m not a bigot,” said Jackson, 48. “I want to be a good person. But there are certain things I just don’t believe are right.”

Malkin welcomes Mr. Jackson into her elite group of "soul fixers" and "healers" fighting to defend "marriage."

Asked for comment on the developments of the past week, marriage snorted "personally, I think Mr. Jackson's a raging bigot. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a whole slate of divorces to get eviscerated by today, most featuring infidelity. I'm pretty pumped!"

With absolutely no respect, Mr. Jackson: you are a bigot. If you want to be a good person, then let me show you the way - stop donating money to bigoted causes that press bigoted propositions into law.

I have a lot of personal predilections towards things I "believe are right." But if they prevent a free, adult American citizen from enjoying a right endowed to me simply because I like the ladies, then I put my wallet away and save my hard-earned dough for my family. You know, so the economic turbulence doesn't jeopardize the sanctity of my marriage when suddenly we cannot make ends meet.

I'm constantly amazed how many supposed Christians refuse to behave in a Christ-like manner. You see Jesus Christ in a grilled cheese sandwich or on a set of drapes, yet you cannot find him in yourselves.

As for the protesters this weekend, I urge restraint and a public airing of the pathos of your unfortunate situation. Progress will win. Equal rights will prevail. The bigot class will die out. Bide your time. Show your love trumps their sanctimony, and you will win the day.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Memory Refresher: Dick Morris

Lest we forget:

On August 29, 1996, Morris resigned from the Clinton campaign after reports surfaced that he had been involved with a prostitute. A tabloid newspaper had obtained and published a set of photographs of Morris and the woman on a Washington, D.C., hotel balcony. The Electronic Telegraph reported unverified claims that in order to impress the woman, Sherry Rowlands, Morris invited her to listen in on conversations with the President. The Telegraph also alleged that Morris had a preference for "toe-sucking and dominance," and that he regaled Rowlands with a version of "Popeye the Sailor Man," performed in his underpants.

Morris resigned on the same day that Bill Clinton spoke and accepted the nomination at the Democratic National Convention. In his resignation statement, he said that "while I served I sought to avoid the limelight because I did not want to become the message. Now, I resign so I will not become the issue." In his response, President Clinton praised Morris as a "friend" and thanked him for his years of service.

Morris was featured on two consecutive covers of Time magazine. The September 2, 1996 issue, which was released before the prostitute story broke, featured Morris as "The Man Who Has Clinton's Ear." The following week, the cover featured Morris and his wife, Eileen McGann, and the headline read "The Morris Mess: After the Fall."

Bad enough Dennis Miller's funky visage disturbs my sexual fantasies this Friday evening, now I've got to contend with the tubby phantasm of a banana-hammocked Dick Morris bragging he's "good to the finish, cause I eats me spinach."

No nookie tonight! Damn you Wikipedia.

Miss Precious Perfect

For you, Jack Knowledge. Affleck embodies the globe-headed diva.

U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops Speaks; Reminds Me They're Lunatics

So, President-Elect Obama has not even taken office yet and he's getting threats from religious groups - play nice or else. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, or NAMBLA for short, has issued a statement. And it wasn't exactly a statement of unabashed congratulations.

The statement...also state[s] that the election was not a referendum on abortion, and will suggest that aggressive abortion-rights polices "would alienate many Americans and be interpreted by many Catholics as an attack on the Church."

An attack on the Catholic Church, you say? Good to know that when your little Papalist sewing circle comes together, you guys don't take things overly personally. But the insanity continues...

"Any one of us here would consider it a privilege to die tomorrow--die tomorrow!--to bring about the end of abortion," Auxiliary Bishop Robert Hermann of St. Louis said during a press conference at the Bishops’ conference in Baltimore.

Good thing we go hunting for religious extremists in Tikrit. They're so hard to find here in America. They're hiding in plain sight - in Baltimore. Although, to be fair, you can send the Army and the National Guard to Anwar Province, but they'll be damned if they're traipsing into the Inner Harbor or Towson. That city is a shithole, yo.

But Bishop Joseph Martino offered a sinister message to the new administration. Martino runs the Popa Nostra in Scranton, PA - and he had a message for Lunchpail Joe Biden: you're pro-choice, then don't come 'round here no mo'.

"I cannot have the vice president coming to Scranton and saying he learned his values there when those values are utterly against those of the Catholic Church," Martino said.

As I had always suspected, the Catholic Church runs Scranton - and with an iron fist, no less. As Bishop Martino makes clear, if you learned your values in Scranton, you learned them from the Catholic Church. Period. Joe Biden is Roman Catholic and grew up in Scranton. Thus, everything Joe Biden knows from his time in Scranton came from the Roman Catholic church. There is simply no possible way that Senator/VP-Elect Biden could have learned something somewhere other than in his pew on Sunday. Frankly, I'm not even sure why he bothered to go to school Monday through Friday. In Scranton, Sunday is the only day that matters where it comes to learning your life-lessons.

Just another message from Crazytown, USA. Peace be with you, and also with you. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

(NOTE: Perhaps Bishop Martino should simply be happy to see one of his own back in the White House, seeing as how Mr. Biden is the first Catholic ever elected to serve as Vice President. You don't see the Muslims dumping on Senator Obama, do you???)


An assist to DP on this one, but apparently in Greenville, South Carolina, if you attend St. Mary's Catholic Church and you voted for Obama, you have some explaining to do. To God, that is.

The priest at St. Mary's Catholic Church in downtown Greenville has told parishioners that those who voted for Barack Obama placed themselves under divine judgment because of his stance on abortion and shouldn't receive Holy Communion until they've done penance.

That sounds to me like any Catholic who voted for O is on the outs with the Trinity. So it must be a small number, right? I mean, even though his running mate was a Catholic, the abortion thing must have been a deal-breaker for all those Papalists out there, right?

At issue for the church locally and nationwide are exit polls showing 54 percent of self-described Catholics voted for Obama, as well as a growing rift in the lifestyle and voting patterns between practicing and non-practicing Catholics.

D'oh! Good thing they didn't call their parishioners who voted Democratic evil or anything though. Kept it respectful-like...

In a letter posted on St. Mary's Web site, Newman wrote that "voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exists constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil."

But Reverend Newman goes on, and I can't even tell you, it's a screamer. I can't upstage the man - let's Warner Wolf it. To the videotape:

Newman calls abortion the "chief battleground" in the so-called culture wars, and different from "prudential" matters such as health care, education or the war on terror. A Catholic who gets an abortion, encourages one or assists in the procedure is automatically excommunicated from the church, Newman said, a penalty he said doesn't apply to other forms of killing.

Now, I want to make sure I read this right: Let's say my mother, a practicing Catholic, drives someone - let's say they're a cracked-out former student who comes to her for help - to the doctor where that woman intends to and then gets an abortion. This would be, arguably, encouraging an abortion. According to Reverend Newman, my mother, who has attended church virtually every week of her life and is actually a real-life believer in the faith (not many of those around these days), worked with handicapped and mentally disabled children as a profession, and - unlike I would wager Reverend Newman - has actually met a Pope, is automatically excommunicated by the Church. However, conversely, let's say she gets tired of my father chewing with his mouth open (which, let's be honest, the whole family is pretty tired of) and stabs him to death with a kitchen knife... she is not automatically excommunicated. She might be, but not a dispositive act. That's what you're saying here? That's what you're selling me? That's the blue plate special today?


Nope, I have nothing else. I'm finished. Turn out the lights when you leave.
(note: I try to avoid bringing my mother into things, but she's a very good example of a practicing, faithful and non-lapsed Catholic who also happens to have a functional brain. Reverend Newman, not as much.)

Shame on you, Sir, and by "you" I mean YOU

Now don't take this the wrong way, but MSNBC's Keith Olbermann has been paying very close attention to you and your actions lately and, suffice it to say, he's not impressed. In fact, he's had it up to here with you and your crap. He's even taken the time to devote a Special Comment to you. Just take it like a man and move on. If you complain you'll just be feeding the news cycle with more fodder. And frankly, you're going to need to have a thicker skin if you want to make it in politics.

Now take your scolding like a man. As we British say, "chin up. Stiff upper lip. Pip pip and all that." Of course, we also pronounce laboratory as "la-bore-a-tree," so maybe you shouldn't listen to us anyway.

Courtesy of our friends at 23/6.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Warm Apple Pie Calls It! Hillary Cometh!

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm tooting it! I called this nugget two weeks ago: The Associated Press reports Hillary Clinton is being tapped as President-Elect Obama's Secretary of State.

A cagey, astute move by Obama if the story pans out. Absolutely perfect role for Hillary and her Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits. She's earned the post.

Joe the Plumber Starts Website; Charges for Freedom

Protector of all things freedomish and toilety, Joe the Plumber has got his own website up and running here. There appears to be a movement afoot - a movement to "help[] one another in times of need." Sounds socialist! Say it ain't so, Joe! But rest assured, he's just trying to lead the "backbone" of our country (I could have sworn it was the plumber's crack) to freedom. But there's a catch - freedom isn't free. In fact, it's $14.95 for a 1-year membership.

What type of freedom does your hard-earned $14.95 get you? Let's see:

1) Total Access to "Joe The Forum" where you may chat directly with Joe (freedom of speech)
2) Subscription to the "Joe The Blog" monthly newsletter (freedom of the press)
3) Free Shipping on all "Joe The Plumber" merchandise (free market economy)
4) Free Signed Copy of Joe's forthcoming book "Joe The Plumber" - Fighting for the American Dream (Paperback slated for release December 1, 2008) (free plumbing tips?)
5) Become an integral part of an American movement to restore our government to the people (a brain aneurysm, which will require the free health care that Joe opposes)

Godspeed you plunging warrior.

McCain Advisor a Hoax: Palin Still May Not Know Africa is Continent

According to The New York Times, one of the most blogged about tidbits leaked from the McCain campaign in the aftermath of the election was nothing more than a piece of an elaborate hoax. When FoxNews quoted an unnamed McCain advisor as stating that Palin did not know that Africa was a continent, the blogosphere exploded with bellowing laughter, and the traditional media followed suit. This blog took the bait as well.

On Monday, MSNBC's David Shuster revealed that the unnamed McCain advisor was none other than Martin Eisenstadt. Trouble is, Martin Eisenstadt doesn't exist.

Look, I'm not going to bore you with all the details (which you can read here), but this is awesome, hilarious and somewhat embarrassing. The guys who perpetrated this hoax created a fake think tank for "Eisenstadt" to work at as a senior fellow, the Harding Institute, created a blog for him to blog on, created youtube videos purporting to show him being interviewed on Iraqi tv, and the list goes on and on. This was elaborate. This was genius. And this was a load of bullshit. Well played.

***UPDATE*** In the most-meta moment we can recall, the hoaxy Martin Eisenstadt, who doesn't actually exist, claims on his blog that yesterday's expose in the NY Times (link above) was the actual hoax, perpetrated by the group Yes Men, who put out a very realistic uber-liberal faux NY Times from the future yesterday. To sum up, the hoax is suggesting that the hoax is reality and the real expose is the actual hoax. Get all that? Check it out here. See Valley Wag's take on the story here.

National Enquirer Shocker? Cindy Redistributes Her Saliva?

The National Enquirer reports Cindy McCain has been canoodling with another Maverick. And they have a money shot from April 2006 at the Tempe Music Festival with Cindy probing her paramour's back molars with her lizard tongue.

When asked for comment, Sam Joe Wurzelbacher defended, "look, it's not me."

Take it with a grain of salt, but ask John Edwards if he thinks the Enquirer uses credible sources.

If it's true, I like it Cindy! Living like us Fake Americans. Perhaps you're not as bloodless as I thought.

Photo Essay of the Day We Changed For the Better

The future is now.

The "Lantern-Jawed Banshee" Stalks Palin!

All praises due Jack Knowledge for encapsulating Greta Van Susteren's visage in three words.

John Stewart notes Greta's disturbing fixation on the Governor of Alaska towards the end of the clip.

Oh, and here's a portion of Greta's interview with Sarah Palin you did not see "On The Record" because, according to Gretawire, "even two hours . . . wasn't enough for our conversation":

You know, maybe if you allowed the Governor/Homemaker/Real American to disregard the baking tray and stop cooking moose frankfurters for apparently the entire Alaskan National Guard, two hours would have been enough.

The interview concluded with Greta humping Todd Palin's leg as Sarah tried to beat her off with a rolled-up newspaper.

Palin in 2012? Really? Really, Republicans? No, by all means . . .

A Mandate To Loot

Allow me to introduce you to the independent oversight board charged with monitoring the $700 billion bailout.

You want me to appoint some folks, you shiftless Congressional layabouts. You make me sick:

In the six weeks since lawmakers approved the Treasury's massive bailout of financial firms, the government has poured money into the country's largest banks, recruited smaller banks into the program and repeatedly widened its scope to cover yet other types of businesses, from insurers to consumer lenders.

Along the way, the Bush administration has committed $290 billion of the $700 billion rescue package.

Yet for all this activity, no formal action has been taken to fill the independent oversight posts established by Congress when it approved the bailout to prevent corruption and government waste. Nor has the first monitoring report required by lawmakers been completed, though the initial deadline has passed.

So let me get this straight: We now approach 50% of the initial bailout fund - the big block of stinky government cheese - dispatched into the financial markets (and car markets, and insurance markets, and perhaps the credit card markets, I hear Spencer Gifts just received aid to bolster its dwindling lava lamp inventory) without a single overseer appointed, without a single status report filed?

F**k it, let's loot the coffers! "Yeah, no cops!":

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sarah's Long Kiss Goodbye On Television

Vaya con dios tambien, senorita, tu "betchada".

From a Yglesias reader commenting on Sarah Palin's prospects in 2012:

[L]osing VP’s don’t take blame. But their track record post-defeat is abysmal. It’s a sure way to never get elected President, and almost as sure a way to never get your party’s nomination. Here’s a list, pre-Palin:

John Edwards
Joe Lieberman
Jack Kemp
Dan Quayle
Lloyd Bentsen
Geraldine Ferraro
Walter Mondale (and he had already won once)
Bob Dole (here’s an exception - helped out, perhaps, by the fact that no one seems to remember him being Ford’s running mate)
Sergeant Shriver
Edward Muskie
William Miller
Henry Cabot Lodge
Estes Kefauver
John Sparkman
Earl Warren (yeah, he became Chief Justice, but his political career was finished)
John Bricker
Charles McNary
Frank Knox (FDR kindly put him in his cabinet after trouncing him and Landon in 1936)
Charles Curtis
Joseph Robinson (he did become Senate Majority Leader and a key FDR ally after his defeat)Charles W. Bryan (went on to lose his gubernatorial campaign in Nebraska)FDR (big-time exception)
Charles Fairbanks
(went back to practicing law in Indianapolis)
Nicholas Murray Butler
Hiram Johnson (Taft and TR’s veeps, respectively)
John Worth Kern
Henry Gassaway Davis (fun fact - he was 81 when he was nominated to be Vice President. I guess the Dems realized they had no shot at TR)
Adlai Stevenson
Adlai Stevenson’s grandfatherArthur Sewall, a Swedenborgian shipbuilder

So from 1896-2004, losing Vice Presidential nominees went on to be elected President once, and nominated by their party three times.

A veritable "who's who" list of political also-rans, has-been's and never-was's. Perhaps Palin is gearing up to challenge Rachel Ray in 2012 with her indomitable moose stew.


In a world without alien boundaries...

This film is not yet rated.

November 5, 2012

James Pethokoukis predicts a one-term Obama presidency only negative 63 days into an Obama administration. What happened to the media honeymoon for the first negative 100 days?:

That's right, the "O" in "Obama" may stand for "One Term." For starters, there's a strong chance that when voters head to the polls on Nov. 2, 2010, they likely will still think the economy is awful. Not much debate about that. (Good chance the Democrats' two-election winning streak comes to an end.) And while voters may be somewhat patient for two years, patient for four years? Really unlikely. If history is any guide at all, voters may still be terribly cranky about the economy when they cast their ballots on Nov. 6, 2012 and thus likely choose the 45th president of the United States -- be it Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin, Bobby Jindal or some other Republican without "Bush" for a last name. Once again a "change" election for an impatient America. The same bad economy that doomed John McCain in 2008 will have sunk Obama, as well.

Who can argue with Petho-kook-is? I mean Obama's first week helming the whimsical "Office of the President-Elect" has been an unmitigated disappointment. What pretend legislation has he passed? What dress-rehearsal policy has he put in place? How about appointing some hypothetical judges? I'm not buying this "I'm not the President yet" pretext for inaction. Way to not fix the obvious problem of the potentially improved economy of four years hence.

And another thing: Mitt Romney? Sarah Palin? Bobby Jindal? You mean Tin Man (i.e., stiff joints, no heart, needs oil, "who let the dogs out, woot, woot"), Scarecrow (i.e., babbling mouth, no brain, needs to read all the papers, any of the papers, "in what respect, Charlie"), and the Cowardly Lion (i.e., tremulous intellect, no courage, scared of science, scared of ghosts, likes exorcisms, "I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back")?


In a related story, Barack Obama has been speculatively elected President for a possible second term in the imaginary election that probably didn't occur today. "Don't these haters know that I'm the mutha f**kin' Wizard," a grinning Obama joked at his made up victory rally at a location to be determined.

Still On The Stump, Sarah?

We continue to discuss Vice Presidential loser Sarah Palin because she remains topical, refusing to "give up the ghost," rattling her old campaign chains and haunting the airwaves with her used-up rhetoric. Today on CNN:

BLITZER: Because, you know, during a campaign, every presidential campaign, things are said, it's tough, as you well know, it gets sometimes pretty fierce out there. And during the campaign, you said this, you said: "This is not a man who sees America as you see it and how I see America." And then you went on to say: "Someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect that he is palling around with terrorists who would target their own country."

PALIN: Well, I still am concerned about that association with Bill Ayers. And if anybody still wants to talk about it, I will, because this is an unrepentant domestic terrorist who had campaigned to blow up, to destroy our Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol. That's an association that still bothers me. And I think it's still fair to talk about it. However the campaign is over. That chapter is closed. Now is the time to move on and to, again, make sure that all of us are doing all that we can to progress this nation.

Sigh . . . will someone tell this nitwit she lost the election. Even Quayle got the "hint" in '92 (you know - the hint of election results) and skedaddled. And if you are indeed still campaigning for some conjectural office, then I once again demand your full medical records, presumptive mother of Trig.

As long as you persist, Palin, the Potatoe will continue to hold up the mirror. She who hath not associated . . .

The Fairness of the Fairness Doctrine

Serendipity offers a nice recitation of the battleground's history, but may throw in too quickly with the Democrats' purported desire to thrust fairness on the right-wing radio infrastructure:

For the last two decades, Rush Limbaugh, and his many clones that dominate our airwaves, have grown increasingly bolder in their vilification of opponents. A constant stream of extremist Right Wing propaganda is offered (free-of-charge) 24-7 throughout the frequency range of radio.

In many areas (such as Western Pennsylvania) there is no alternative voice available. Huge conglomerates like Clear Channel and Sinclair Broadcasting have used the powers of monopoly to keep competitors outside of the market. The costs of setting up an operation to rival the corporate media giants are prohibitive. Nutty "conservative" programming runs rough-shod over a vulnerable segment of the populace that is more than willing to accept the lies on offer. Something needs to change, and the "Commons" of the air restored to The People.

I become very nervous when it comes to the exercise of FCC authority and its unwieldy rules and regulations. I become especially nervous when the FCC starts to take exception with the content of certain messages, backed by a frothing mad Democratic Congress eager to settle some old scores.

If there is a demand for liberal voices, such demand will ultimately drive the marketplace. If Clear Channel could make more bucks showcasing Randi Rhodes rather than Rush Limbaugh, it would not waste another megahertz of radio bandwidth on conservative banter.

Rush Limbaugh exists because millions listen to him. Randi Rhodes hardly exists because hardly anyone listens to her, relatively speaking.

Senator Palin? Yes, you read that right...

Now that the smoke from the burning wreckage of the GOP ticket has started to clear, Sarah Palin, in addition to serving members of the media moose chili and moose hot dogs, is mulling over how best to keep giving me material to write about her.

Senator Ted Stevens appears to be the very best way, it would seem.

The embattled Sen. Ted Stevens is still in a tight race for his seat against Democratic Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich. Stevens was convicted of seven federal corruption charges in October for filing false statements on Senate ethics forms.

Some have speculated that if Stevens wins, he would be expelled from the Senate, meaning there would be a special election in which Palin could run.

Palin told CNN that at this point, she wouldn't declare whether she would or wouldn't consider a run.

So, let me see if I have this right? Stevens wins. Gets chucked from the Senate. A special race is held. Palin runs for the vacant Senate seat and wins. And thus thrusts herself right back into the national spotlight.

Honestly, Sarah should perhaps be careful what she wishes for here. She has just finished blaming her party's leadership for the loss of the McCain ticket last week - throwing under the bus many people who are going back to work on the Senate floor. Her credentials and knowledge on very basic and important issues are sketchy at best . Perhaps the best thing that could happen to her is to slink back to Anchorage, start getting tutored in the finer points by the Karl Rove Extreme Political Makeover team, and be ready to pop up on the national stage again a little while down the road, wounds healed and leaner, meaner and more polished.

If Sarah, fresh off this defeat, reports to the Senate for active duty without having smoothed her rougher political edges, it could end up being a terrible decision for her as someone with an eye towards a big future in the GOP party. She is, by all accounts, not someone who will reach across the aisle, and in a Democrat-dominated Senate, she runs a very big risk of finding herself alone on an island of extremism, watching more moderate colleagues like, for example, her former running-mate John McCain work closely with Senate Dems. Add to the mix that the Senate is the traditional home of the "Washington insiders" that she has spent so many weeks disparaging, and I'm not sure she's going to find a ton of helping hands. The remaining Republicans in government have far too much to lose and to protect at this point. I sincerely doubt they will want to align themselves with such a potentially polarizing and inexperienced figure.

The Senate floor is a place of vigorous debate by intelligent and experienced politicians - masters of saying one thing, doing another and protecting their own backsides expertly. There is an old saying that if you don't know who the sucker at the table is after twenty minutes in a poker game, you're the sucker. I have a sneaking suspicion that when put into the Senate shark tank, "Senator" Palin would find quite quickly that she is the sucker. In short: she simply is not ready.

I, for one, would like to see it happen. My feeling is that the sooner we get used to the idea of Senator Palin, the better the odds we will never have to get used to the idea of President Palin.


From CBS News:

CBS News correspondent Priya David spoke with several compensation consultants who said that, even in this economy, firms are worried that, if they don't pay out the bonuses, they'll lose their top talent -- people they want to keep around for when pastures turn green again. On The Early Show Wednesday, David reported that lawmakers and taxpayers alike are concerned about where the money for those bonuses will come from. For Wall Street workers still employed, there could be a hefty bonus in their checks next month. According to a report from financial news agency Bloomberg, Goldman Sachs, for example, has set aside $6.8 billion for bonuses, and Morgan Stanley, $6.4 billion.

Countrymen, it is time to resurrect the old chant of protest "no taxation without representation." No one in Washington gives a rat's ass about us, the American taxpayers, in this $700 billion bailout fiasco. Especially, King Paulson - former head of Goldman Sachs - who is apparently making this up as he goes along under the "broad discretion" provided by the bailout bill:

WASHINGTON (AP) — The government has abandoned the original centerpiece of its $700 billion rescue effort for the financial system and will not use the money to purchase troubled bank assets.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said Wednesday that the administration will continue to use $250 billion of the program to purchase stock in banks as a way to bolster their balance sheets and encourage them to resume more normal lending. He also announced that the administration was looking at a major expansion of the program into the markets that provide support for credit card debt, auto loans and student loans.

Fat cats and their congressional feeders. Madness!

How Can You Be So Obtuse, Detroit?

Thomas Friedman recalls being flabbergasted at our American car manufacturers' shortsightedness:

Last September, I was in a hotel room watching CNBC early one morning. They were interviewing Bob Nardelli, the C.E.O. of Chrysler, and he was explaining why the auto industry, at that time, needed $25 billion in loan guarantees. It wasn’t a bailout, he said. It was a way to enable the car companies to retool for innovation. I could not help but shout back at the TV screen: “We have to subsidize Detroit so that it will innovate? What business were you people in other than innovation?” If we give you another $25 billion, will you also do accounting?

My head thinks we should refuse government life support to Detroit and its antiquated business model. My heart worries about the workers left behind when the Motor City crumbles.

"Our First Colored President"

Lindsay Lohan: Actress. Comedienne. Impresario. Auteur. Cocaine Hoover. Wordsmith. Moron:

"It's an amazing feeling, our first COLORED president." Well, at least she didn't say our first "negra" president or "dat dem boy der is miscegenated!"

Lohan also claims that celebrities helped influence the election by getting out the vote. I contend that Obama would have won Utah if it wasn't for Lohan's, DiCaprio's and the rest of the arugula-eaters' urgings.

I'm not really outraged by this comment. Just gave me an excuse to poke fun at Lohan. Palin-Lohan 2012!

Johnny Law

Driving towards the silver mines on the outskirts of Butte, Montana for work this morning, I was struck by the abuse of power exhibited by the police officer in the car in front of me.

We pulled up to a red light, the police car third in line waiting to proceed, my car behind his. It was an unusually long light and the cop had run out of patience. He blared his siren, crossed the double yellow line, passed the civilian cars waiting dutifully for the light to change and traversed the intersection, causing oncoming, green-lighted traffic to apply the brakes and make way for King Po-Po.

This incident bothers me. Cops drunk with power. Who knows - maybe Sergeant Impatient is just a few more siren blares away from going full-blown Richard Gere in "Internal Affairs." Perhaps he decides to break some bigger rules, wins an election and sets up a prisoner camp somewhere in Cuba off the jurisdictional grid.

Obey the rules of the road when acting under the color of law. Goes for Officer Gere. Goes for Officer Bush. The open spigot of lawlessness trickles down.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Realization Part II

Must be a hell of a thing finding out you're the next President of the United States.

Who Is Jack Knowledge?

He or she is the blogging equivalent of Cringer because he or she is "scared of his [or her] own shadow." When the media starts snooping around, trying to figure out his or her identity, he or she cowers under WAP's legs, shivering with terror.

"Jack Cringer, stop trembling. The blog audience is our friend."

U.S. to invade Greenland, Denmark, Ocean

BREAKING: The New York Times is reporting today that a hydrogen bomb is missing from the U.S.'s arsenal, and Greenland, Denmark and The Ocean are prime suspects. The H-bomb has been missing for 40 years. *gulp*

When last seen, the bomb was one of four aboard an Air Force B-52 bomber that crashed on a frozen bay near Thule Air Force Base in northern Greenland on Jan. 21, 1968. At first, all four bombs were unaccounted for, according to a front-page article in The New York Times on Jan. 23, 1968:
The Defense Department said that some of the wreckage had been observed on the ice by helicopters and that other pieces of the plane might have burned into or through the ice.
The Pentagon announcement made it clear that the bombs had not been found. It was not certain whether they had scattered on top of the ice cap or fallen with the bomber into several hundred feet of water.

Two years later, the United States and Denmark reported that they agreed “that the accident caused no danger to man or animal and plant life in the area,” according to The Times. The 96-page report of the investigation indicated that all four nuclear warheads aboard the plane had disintegrated on impact. Case closed.

Well, maybe not, the BBC says this week.

Declassified documents that the BBC obtained under the United States Freedom of Information Act indicate that only three of the bombs were accounted for, and that the United States searched secretly for the fourth bomb, without success.

With only 70 days left in office, it is unclear whether President Bush will have enough time to successfully launch a full-scale invasion of Greenland, Denmark and the entire Atlantic Ocean, but those effers have WMD and he will stop at nothing to find it. Perhaps instead of establishing a Presidential Library (entire collection to consist of one unread copy of My Pet Goat), Dubya can slap on some SCUBA gear and find this rogue WMD before it falls into the hands of the bad guys. Just a suggestion.

Warm Apple Pie Revealed

Vocabulary and erudition seem familiar? Verbal dexterity and grace distinctive, but difficult to place? Oscar Wilde? Mark Twain? Garrison Keilor? Close.

Though I am loathe to unveil the secret identity of our very own Warm Apple Pie, the combination of his remarkable eloquence and his admirable patriotism compels me. Behold, fulfilling his end of the social contract Rousseau spoke of as incumbent upon all citizens of a free democracy, watch as Warm Apple Pie attempts to enlist in the Army.

F**k AIG! And F**k You Too Terry Bradshaw!

Will AIG ever learn? Will Congress ever learn to just let hulking, incondite corporations succumb to "natural causes" - i.e., greed, graft and excess? Will the citizenry ever learn to stop electing congressional nitwits who spend like Sarah Palin at Neiman Marcus?

After over $100 billion in eleemosynary outreach from our socialist government, the beer keeps flowing like wine at AIG swank-fests. From the horse's mouth:

AIG Advisor Group will host its 2008 Asset Management Conference (AMC) at the Point Hilton Squaw Peak hotel and conference facility in Phoenix, Arizona on November 5 – 7, 2008. Nearly 150 financial planners, who operate their own independent businesses and are not AIG employees will participate in the event. Financial planners attending the meeting represent 23% of total AIG Advisor Group revenue as of September 30, 2008.

The goal of the AMC is to provide an educational, training and networking forum for financial planners. The AMC meeting agenda includes seven general sessions, twenty-two classes, and two working lunches. Topics range from alternative investment products and advisory services strategies to business-building programs, productivity tools, and portfolio management.

Eighteen participating product sponsor firms are underwriting $320,000 of the total meeting cost of $343,000. The company’s portion of the total meeting costs is under $25,000. Additionally, financial planner attendees are responsible for their travel-related expenses, registration fee ($199), and guest registration fee ($250).

Now, from newsnet5 undercover reporter Josh Bernstein, who attended the conference in cognito:

AIG made significant efforts to disguise the conference, making sure there were no AIG logos or signs anywhere on the property.

An AIG spokesperson said there were no AIG markers in order to minimize signage costs and to lower the company's profile.

A hotel employee told ABC15, "We can't even say the word [AIG]." . . .

The ABC15 Investigators went undercover at the resort and found AIG executives having poolside meetings while drinking coffee and working out at the spa while other attendees were in conference rooms for seminars.

We also watched as half a dozen of the executives went to dinner at McCormick & Schmick's at the Camelback Esplanade, racking up a bill of more than $400 for drinks, appetizers, and meals.

The three-day event at the resort was also supposed to feature hall of fame football quarterback Terry Bradshaw as a motivational guest speaker, but the company canceled Bradshaw's appearance shortly before the start of the conference, according to a company spokesperson.

According to the Washington Speakers Bureau, which manages Bradshaw's speaking engagements, he commands a fee of more than $40,000 per appearance.

40,000 in cake for f**king Terry Bradshaw?!?! As a motivational speaker?!?! $40,000 for his inspiring tale of preserverance and triumph, defying the odds, to become the only member of Fox's insufferable Sunday NFL panel without hair?!?! Sh*t, for $100 bucks, I'll come to the conference, tickle the corporate stiffs with "you must be a redneck" jokes for an hour, then go on a roadtrip across the country, stopping at every home to hand out free AIG ball caps and free kicks to the junk.

Are you crappin' me, AIG?!?! I'd rather huddle together in Hobo Jungles and endure bread lines, than give this gargantuan joke of a company another nickel.

New Era of Civility

Always rather (pronounced "raaah-ther" because I'm British nobility, as far as you know) genteel, the United States Congress and its members are taking great pains to restore an era of civility and respect to Washington. In the immediate wake of President-elect Obama's historic election, members of Congress of both parties have been falling all over themselves to speak in gracious and conciliatory terms about working together, rising above petty differences in this hour of national if not global crisis, and working together to get America back on track. Then there's this guy.

Rep. Paul Broun (brace yourself, because this might come as a bit of a shock -- he's a Republican from Georgia) said on Monday that he fears that Obama will establish a Gestapo-like security force to impose a Marxist or fascist dictatorship. Yes. Really. Citing a July speech by Obama, in which the then-Democratic presidential candidate called for a civilian force to take some of the national security burden off the military, Broun sagely noted:
"That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did," Broun said. "When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist."
Just to make sure no one missed it that the sitting Congressman actually compared the President-elect of the United States to Adolph Hitler, he added for good measure:

"We can't be lulled into complacency... You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential."
Oh, so you're not saying saying he is Hitler, only that he might become Hitler. Well, yeah, that's muuuuuch better. Thanks for clarifying. Wurzelbacher/Broun '12 can't be far off. Sarah Palin for Secretary of State?

Palin on Election Loss: It's those damned Mexicans

Governor Palin spoke to Fox News, and Fox News studiously avoided trying to make her look stupid. Unfortunately, You Betcha! can't see an open microphone without deep-throating it with her gag-reflex-free ignorance. She said she was not surprised at the GOP loss, considering that it represented the same failed policies of the previous eight years - most of which were the fault of the Republicans. Nice work Sarah. Listen, we all KNOW that's why you lost, but usually right after you lose you don't throw your entire party under the bus in order to exonerate yourself. And on Fox News. I hear that's a popular station for "your folks."

But Naylin Paylin went on to explain a few of her other MENSA level theories for the GOP loss, including their crushing inability to "get the Hispanic vote."

Oh, is that what did you in, Sarah? What braintrust came to that conclusion? Was it that massive Hispanic vote that typically goes Republican in those swing states like, for example, all of them? You guys lost by two hundred electoral votes - you think your inability to get a minority group to vote Republican that doesn't actually typically vote Republican and that lives mostly in states you either DID win or were NEVER going to win was what did it? Funny, if I had to peg any minority group that did you in, I probably would have said it was the African-American vote, and your inability to not have that group vote against you 99% to 1% (figures unofficial). Or the Jewish vote in a swing state like Florida. Jews voted for Obama by a margin approaching 80% to 20% as reported by CNN - an almost unbelievable figure. Sigh. What color is the sky in your world, Sarah?

But you're totally spot-on, as usual, Governor. It's those damned Hispanics. Good thing you don't have none of them up in lilly-white Alaska. They wreck everything.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Energy Independance

Recently horse-whipped GOP candidate for president, Sen. John McCain, became well-known throughout the campaign for his insistence that America possessed the renewable energy resources to become completely energy independent. McCain, according to scientists and energy industry experts, was wrong. Of course, I'm guessing none of those so-called "experts" knew that McCain was talking about his own, seemingly endless natural gas resources. Easy on the Metamucil, old man.

The Repo Man Is Coming

Duke: The lights are growing dim Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.

Otto: That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me.

Duke: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Word on he street - or more precisely, TPM - is that Republican repo men have hopped a flight to Wasilla to reclaim the parrot's pantsuits:

Palin's father, Chuck Heath, said his daughter spent the day Saturday trying to figure out what belongs to the RNC.

"She was just frantically ... trying to sort stuff out," Heath said. "That's the problem, you know, the kids lose underwear, and everything has to be accounted for.

"Nothing goes right back to normal," he said.
Frantically searching for lost underwear. I have a suggestion as to where she should start looking:

***UPDATE*** As Andrew Sullivan points out, she lied about this, too.

Rewriting history

The Anchorage Daily News interviewed Gov. Sarah Palin yesterday, and it is clear that she is going to continue her pattern of evasive, non-sensical and misleading responses to simple questions. Her answers ranged from silly to delusional to lying, but don't be fooled; this is a smart woman intent on rewriting history.

Reflecting on what went wrong in the campaign, Gov. Palin expressed her frustration at the [presumably liberal elite/mainstream] news media, over what she perceived as spreading misperceptions about her:

"Some of the goofy things, like who was Trig's mom, you know. And well [raises hand], I'm Trig's mom. And do you wanna see my medical records to prove that? And days would go by before mainstream media would even try to correct that, that yeah, OK, it's proven that she actually is Trig's mom."
Actually, Sarah, about that? Yeah, well, turns out you never actually released your medical records, did you? No, in case you're confused, you didn't. You said you would, sure, but you didn't. You did release a 2-page letter from your doctor saying you were in excellent health (which, admittedly, is better than the 1-page letter Obama's doctor wrote to the same effect), but you didn't even do that until 12 hours before the election. So let's be perfectly clear here: you did NOT release your medical records. Pretending you did, implying you did, insinuating you did, wishing you did, all well and good. But it doesn't actually change the fact that, you know, you didn't.

The following exchange has no real relevance to my point, but her total inability to string together a noun adjective and verb into a coherent sentence continues to amuse and appall me.

Q. Do you think it's going to be difficult for the state to make a case for earmarks, given that you and John McCain were so outspoken against them?

A. Not so much the case being made more difficult for Alaska in requesting but we'd better make sure that every earmark we request is in the nation's best interest and is something that has been vetted and seen the light of day via public participation.

The Obama Files

London's Daily Telegraph has published this list of fifty things you, yes you, might not know about PEBO. Among the most interesting are:
  • He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics
  • He was known as "O'Bomber" at high school for his skill at basketball
  • He has read every Harry Potter book
  • He kept a pet ape called Tata while in Indonesia
  • He applied to appear in a black pin-up calendar while at Harvard but was rejected by the all-female committee

O'Bomber? Exsqeeze me? Don't you think that nickname is something that Sarah Barracuda could have used during her hate sermons? O'Bomber and the bomber. Pure gold. But, alas, our liberal media hid this from the people. Never mind his pet iguana named Cockanballs.

The Flip Side of Obama's Victory

Sometimes when someone who you expect to screw up most of the time because they have a history of doing so does not screw up, you are overly effusive with your praise and blunder into actually being insulting and reading more into one victory than is appropriate. This is a phenomenon happening with great frequency right now in the "rest of the world" and its reaction to Senator Obama's sweeping victory last week.

I want to point out one example here, which is an article written by Steven Wells, contributor to both the UK Guardian and also Philadelphia Weekly here in the States. The article can be found here and I will just address some of the points made.

Mr. Wells writes this open letter to America ostensibly as a congratulations, but it veers hard right into a rebuke of America's history virtually in its totality. That is the danger of Senator Obama's election - it does not change history, but what it does do is give us a clearer picture of how some people have seen America because now they've decided to tell us how they "really felt" about us, seeing as how as of last Tuesday we moved past our racist history. And that is the other danger - that the world has read far too much into this result.

In this article, Mr. Wells congratulates us for the election result - and lots of other things about America that he finds to be "really cool" but admonishes us for some of the things we've done... and then just keeps on going:

But there’s the other stuff.

You know, overthrowing democratically elected governments, supporting fascists, supporting the Khmer Rouge, supporting Islamic fundamentalists, torture, Cheney, Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, Rush Limbaugh, Nixon, Joe McCarthy, Ronald Reagan. All that stuff. And electing Bush. And then—astoundingly, mindblowingly, jawdroppingly—re–electing Bush. When you guys suck, you really suck.

Then there’s the racism thing. A lot of us grew up with TV images of cops beating civil rights demonstrators, the genocide in Vietnam, the persecution of Muhammad Ali, the murders of the black panthers, Dr. King and Malcolm X. We know that modern white America thinks its shit don’t stink, that racism is in the past and anyway, things are much worse in Europe, and that American kids are colorblind (despite the fact that they cluster in blacks–only and whites–only groups in college cafeterias).

There’s an article in the latest GQ that describes modern America as suffering from ”segregation without the racists”. Meaning, presumably, that non–white Americans choose the low–paid jobs and choose to live in the shit parts of town. Because if America isn’t profoundly racist, what other possible explanation could there be? Rightly or wrongly this is how the rest of the world sees America—as a nation utterly obsessed with race and profoundly poisoned by racism.

This is the sort of thing that makes my blood boil about this election. This was an election about America re-embracing the virtues we extol and have said we embody. About a nation that had lost its way reclaiming the high road. This was not an election about proving something to the rest of the world about our feelings on race, the electoral equivalent of saying "hey, I'm not racist, I've got a black friend!" Meet Mr. Obama: our black friend. I mean, Mr. Wells, Vietnam? Civil rights demonstrators? 1968 called and wants its article back. You don't have something a tad more recent you'd like to discuss?

Further, the slightly-to-extremely pedantic Mr. Wells is from the UK (I presume), and perhaps he should get down off his soapbox, walk home from Speaker's Corner and do a little digging into his nation's own sordid history of racism and xenophobia - a condition, I might add, that persists to this day. I invite Mr. Wells to investigate how England treated its colonial holdings, including the appalling treatment of India that lasted well into the 20th century. But, undaunted, Mr. Wells continues:

The rest of the world looks at a US school system that is more segregated now than it was before the start of the civil rights movement. They look at the major US cities, most of which—like most of Philadelphia—are segregated with a totality that would bring joy to the architects of apartheid South Africa. And then we read articles in USAian magazines and newspapers that talk of racism in the past tense. And we scratch our heads in wonder.

In the run–up to this election, some Eastern Europeans I spoke to were absolutely certain that the USA is so racist that Obama will simply not be allowed to be president. Others—mostly Western Europeans—have been almost giddy with excitement. But it’s an excitement tempered with disbelief. Is the America of Jim Crow, the KKK, Birth of a Nation, ghettos, race riots, lynchings and beatings—where, in vast swathes of the country, blacks and whites are expected to vote for different parties, as if they were entirely separate and distinct tribes—did this America really elect Barack Obama?

Sigh. Mr. Wells, have you ever been to your beloved London? Would you describe it as living in racial harmony, or starkly polarized, with Middle Eastern and Indian citizens living virtually isolated north of the Marble Arch - an area where people I know who live in London refuse to go after the sun sets. Nobody has it perfectly yet, Mr. Wells. And Eastern Europeans? I mean, you guys really want to open your collective mouths about racism and people not being "allowed" to do this, that or the other? Don't make me say it. Don't make me. Wasn't it the anniversary of Kristallnacht the other night - dammit, I couldn't help myself.

Fact of the matter is that every country on this planet has problems with either a religious, ethnic or cultural minority. Show me one that does not. Show me a country where the many have not ever oppressed the few. You cannot. Countries are as good as their citizens, and citizens are people. Imperfect, fearful, flawed people. The best you can hope for is that countries will endeavor to become more enlightened and tolerant as their citizens move in that direction. Some move faster. Some move more slowly. But for the rest of the world, where there is still ethnic cleansing and genocide, if not now then within a generation in the past, to cast a skeptical and overly critical eye in OUR direction is a bit offensive. If you wish to take us to task for the past eight years, by all means, let's talk. But when you take this election and turn it into a referendum on the history of this nation, you're treading on thin ice. A lot of nations have done a lot of bad things. Let's not start pointing fingers or some of you may not like where things end up.

Mr. Wells does finish his backhanded compliment on a high note:

...we think that if America can elect a black president then anything is possible. It might even be that all the talk we hear coming out of American mouths about truth and justice and liberty and common human decency might actually be matched by American actions. By electing Obama you have proved yourselves greater, wiser, nicer and more truly American than we thought you possibly could be. And if you can do something this amazing, maybe the rest of the world can shake of its own horrible racist past too. You give us hope, America. You rejected the party of fear, racism and greed, and you elected the candidate who spoke to the best in you. And that action speaks to the best in all of us. All six billion of us. This morning, America, you really are as great as you think you are. (Don’t let it go to your head.)

Sigh. Having a black president does not, in and of itself, solve anything, with the exception of it making it impossible for that president to be George Bush. It does not make us wiser, better or more decent. It just means we voted for (in my opinion) the better man for the job without letting his race be a deciding issue for white voters. This is the danger in Obama's victory - the world has painted us with too negative a brush up to now, and now whipsaws the other way, and places far too great a weight on one act. The world equates all Republicans as racist fear-mongers and all people who voted for Obama as enlightened. Neither is true and to think so is dangerously simple-minded.

America is a complicated country - I would argue the most complex nation ever in the history of man. It cannot be painted one thing or another thing because it is always so very many things at once. To have painted us as a culture bubbling over with racism at all times and in all places - but that this suddenly and joyously ended on last Tuesday - is mind-numbingly simplistic. I hope for the sake of the rest of the world, they judge both our successes and failures on a more realistic scale going forward.