Thursday, October 23, 2008

Followup to WAP's "McCain/elitist" post

(Pat Bateman pre-article warning - it's long. Don't complain. If you have a short attention span, skip it.)

I was going to simply leave a comment on WAP's post about John McCain calling New Yorkers "elitists" but I'm so angry at these statements by McCain that I think it deserves its own post (okay, rant...and a long one at that, I'm sorry WAP). This is something that has always irked me and will continue to always get my dander up, but usually politicians are cagey in their short-shrift to educated, liberal city-folk. But John McCain at least had the gumption to admit it directly, and so let me respond directly.

I don't care, like WAP points out, if this is provincial pandering. Probably is - chances are John McCain does not think everyone he's served with in Washington for two decades is an un-American elitist. But to say it, no matter for what possible political benefit, makes me want to waterboard him.

Ah, John, you don't like those unpatriotic American elitists in New York in their Ivory Towers much, huh? Those un-American citizens from those elitist cities, who burn the flag every day upon rising and lay down to sleep on Socialist sheets... they aren't what America is all about, right John? Guess what John... on behalf of New York, you are hereby restricted from ever discussing September 11th, 2001 again. Ever.

On that day, John, this elitist watched in horror as his hometown burned, and wondered if there were more attacks on the way. This elitist had his office building evacuated when they found anthrax across the street and wondered if he was going to be killed in a biological attack. This elitist knows the names of men - nay, truly they were still boys who never had the chance to fully become men - with whom he shared beer (domestic beer, John, don't worry - no elitist imports) and baseball who lost their lives that day. You, John, are never - ever - allowed to invoke that day for your political benefit again. No, more than that - your entire party is hereby banned. Collective punishment. I'm tired of it, and I think I speak for most of my fellow elitists when I say "this far, no further, John. You have now crossed the rubicon. You have gone too far, sir."

Perhaps this is simply my snooty elitism shining through in rational thought, but I just continue to find it so interesting that those Socialists who worked in the World Trade Center (I can only imagine from your description of New Yorkers that the real business of most who worked there was the overthrow of Capitalism itself) were the ones who died when America was attacked by terrorists and us elitist New Yorkers continue to be the Americans on US soil under constant threat of attack. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I haven't seen any security alerts or evacuations in Wasilla since... wait, ever. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Were the terrorists just stupid, John? Did they intend to attack Peoria and just say "screw it - that's too far. You have to connect, like, six times to get there from Saudi Arabia. What US city has a lot of connecting flights from abroad? New York? Uch, I mean, can't we do better than that? America doesn't care about New York. Uch, and Washington DC? Praised be Allah, even worse! But for convenience sake, let's just stick with those and see how it plays out."

Silly terrorists - all they did was kill a bunch of elitists. Perhaps if they'd gone to school more, they'd have understood the difference between "real" America and those unpatriotic elitists in New York and DC that the rest of the country despises. But, of course, the paradox arises that if they'd gone to school more, they'd probably have been elitists too (it's spread, like mono, mostly during freshman year of college through close contact. Mostly through germs on well-used copies of The Communist Manifesto), and thus too busy sodomizing each other ironically with baseballs and Mom's apple pie to martyr themselves.

It's one of those things that is so laughable that if you discussed it in the context of another country, it would be so nonsensical that you would not believe it. Imagine if the residents of some tiny, provincial outlying desert town in Israel claimed that residents of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem were elitist and "anti-Israel" and unpatriotic, despite their choice to live somewhere under constant threat of attack from enemies. You would wonder what had gotten into their hummus. "What could be MORE patriotic than refusing to leave your home town, city or country despite the threat to your family or your very life? Refusing to submit or change in the face of danger - those are the true patriots," you would think to yourself. Reminds you of that ragtag but spirited band that drove the Brits out of Dodge, right? (Just not the Founding Fathers though - those guys were totally elitist douchebags. All doctors and lawyers and scientists and writers. I'm surprised the non-elitist "Joe homegrown rye whiskey" Colonists didn't burn them at the stake, frankly. I mean, John Adams went to Harvard. He's was practically Muhammad Atta.)

"How's the view from the cheap seats?" you'd think to yourself. "Must be really easy to criticize those who have to wonder if their bus is going to explode from hundreds of miles away from the bombs and blood." You would call these people cowards, lobbing explosive words from their position safely behind the front lines - their own front lines at whom they toss their poisonous verbal missiles.

Refusing to change your way of life under threat of bodily harm - these are the true patriots of any country. They love their country so much that they will not be cowed. They will not move their homes, their families or themselves. They will not submit to violence and terror. They will resist by continuing to live in the face of aggression, perhaps afraid but ultimately unmoved in spirit and courage. They will risk their lives every day by the simple act of living somewhere under fire. But their way of life is too important to be compromised. Their daily lives are a testament to the definition of patriotism. If that is elitist, I am guilty as charged - and would never want to be anything but.

Yet when we face that same situation here in America, it is somehow acceptable to paint the only American citizens who have ever been in real, actual danger as un-patriotic, un-American elitist snobs who thumb their noses at this country and then wipe it with the Stars and Stripes. I was never mad at you, John. Disappointed? Sure. Saddened? Yup. Never mad though.

But not now.

Now I'm angry, John. Not to put too fine a point on it, without using those snobby elitist SAT words that us city folks throw around, let me be plain: go fuck yourself.

1 comment:

Warm Apple Pie said...

You said it all and I'm glad you did. Nothing like chanting "USA" out in the boondocks of "real" America, brave in the face of the terrorist threat, while us cosmopolitan, prissy tea-drinkers look out the window of our skyscrapers working honestly, working for our families, working as a professional on the float of debt that put us through college (because our families didn't own 8 or 7 or 6 house - yeah, we rented), and allowing the lurid flicker to enter our enervated 9-11 elitist, big lexicon brains that something may come flying through the window at any moment.

Indeed, f**k you, John. F**k you more than your bespectacled nincompoop sidekick with the discordant country mouth. She's playing the role she was hired for. But you know better, John. You know the difference. You know the game you're playing. And if Rudy Guliani (don't get me started) is out there in the audience as well, f**k you too.

Insufferable GOP campaign. I am super proud to be an independent today supporting the Democratic candidate for president; super proud to have lived in Manhattan for almost seven years and grown up less than an hour from it on Long Island; super proud to have lived on Park Place and West Broadway, 300 feet from Building 7 WTC, watching from the student lounge at Brooklyn Law School, less than two weeks into my first year, as the buildings collapse, as a Summer snowstorm of ash and office papers littered the streets of Brooklyn Heights; super proud of my patriotic elitist city-dwelling friends who let me crash on their couches for weeks, my former apartment uninhabitable; super proud of one friend in particular who, upon watching hours of ghastly news coverage, rose from the couch and said "I'm going home, going to sleep, waking up early and going to the office in midtown because f**k them, if I take a day off, they win"; super proud of my decision to remain in the financial district, at Rector and Broadway, an watch the wrecking ball through my apartment window, hear its resounding thud against the twisted metal carnage of the WTC remains for three years after the attacks.

If living in the nestled, pastoral small towns is a prerequisite to loving your country and being America, then that's news to me and we New Yorkers welcome European socialism with open arms if it will forego having our shit blow up again. I have no interest in saluting the same flag as you shit-kickin' separatists.