Monday, November 3, 2008

Thanks, But No Thanks, On That Endorsement To Nowhere

Well, you knew it would happen. In the throes of the 72-hour push campaign from McCain-Palin and the RNC, a ominous voice chimes in to alter the course of this race. Shades of 2004 when terror beset the country and paralyzed John Kerry's supporters on the eve of the election.

He hates our freedom and liberty. Hates our Constitution. Hates that the . . . Democrats occupy his holy land. It's Osama Bin Cheney:

Oh my God! He's back! Your "November Surprise."

Cheney really pitching in, trying to swing the pendulum in the hotly contested battleground state of . . . Wyoming . . . and its highly coveted 3 electoral votes. The scuttlebutt is Cheney will hold a rally for McCain-Palin deep inside an abandoned mine in southern Idaho around 2 a.m., followed by a quick jaunt to Utah to conduct a press avail before sunrise in front of a group of home-schooled children locked inside the basement of a dismantled iron smelting plant. Cheney will then return to his subterranean lair beneath Washington D.C. to enjoy Fox News' election coverage, eager to discover who will be the next puppet-president under his supervision.

***UPDATE***: Barack Obama comments on Dick Cheney's timely endorsement of John McCain:

President Bush is sitting out the last few days before the election. But earlier today, Dick Cheney came out of his undisclosed location and hit the campaign trail. He said that he is, and I quote, "delighted to support John McCain."

So George Bush may be in an undisclosed location, but Dick Cheney's out there on the campaign trail because he'd be delighted to pass the baton to John McCain. He knows that with John McCain you get a twofer: George Bush's economic policy and Dick Cheney's foreign policy – but that's a risk we cannot afford to take.

In response, after giving a brief stump speech on McCain's behalf to the crew of a cargo ship off the coast of Nova Scotia, a red-faced Vice President Cheney exploded to his security detail, "Bring Obama to me!!!!!!!!!!!! Alive, if possible. Dead? Just as good." With the entire ship frozen with bewilderment, Cheney suddenly unsheathed a large umbrella, shed its nylon skin revealing whirling blades, and helicoptered off the deck of the vessel, cackling loudly.

***UPDATE***: To add insult to injury, Dick Cheney's hometown Wyoming newspaper endorses Barack Obama for President of the United States. That's got to smart a bit.

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