Tuesday, November 11, 2008

F**k AIG! And F**k You Too Terry Bradshaw!

Will AIG ever learn? Will Congress ever learn to just let hulking, incondite corporations succumb to "natural causes" - i.e., greed, graft and excess? Will the citizenry ever learn to stop electing congressional nitwits who spend like Sarah Palin at Neiman Marcus?

After over $100 billion in eleemosynary outreach from our socialist government, the beer keeps flowing like wine at AIG swank-fests. From the horse's mouth:

AIG Advisor Group will host its 2008 Asset Management Conference (AMC) at the Point Hilton Squaw Peak hotel and conference facility in Phoenix, Arizona on November 5 – 7, 2008. Nearly 150 financial planners, who operate their own independent businesses and are not AIG employees will participate in the event. Financial planners attending the meeting represent 23% of total AIG Advisor Group revenue as of September 30, 2008.

The goal of the AMC is to provide an educational, training and networking forum for financial planners. The AMC meeting agenda includes seven general sessions, twenty-two classes, and two working lunches. Topics range from alternative investment products and advisory services strategies to business-building programs, productivity tools, and portfolio management.

Eighteen participating product sponsor firms are underwriting $320,000 of the total meeting cost of $343,000. The company’s portion of the total meeting costs is under $25,000. Additionally, financial planner attendees are responsible for their travel-related expenses, registration fee ($199), and guest registration fee ($250).

Now, from newsnet5 undercover reporter Josh Bernstein, who attended the conference in cognito:

AIG made significant efforts to disguise the conference, making sure there were no AIG logos or signs anywhere on the property.

An AIG spokesperson said there were no AIG markers in order to minimize signage costs and to lower the company's profile.

A hotel employee told ABC15, "We can't even say the word [AIG]." . . .

The ABC15 Investigators went undercover at the resort and found AIG executives having poolside meetings while drinking coffee and working out at the spa while other attendees were in conference rooms for seminars.

We also watched as half a dozen of the executives went to dinner at McCormick & Schmick's at the Camelback Esplanade, racking up a bill of more than $400 for drinks, appetizers, and meals.

The three-day event at the resort was also supposed to feature hall of fame football quarterback Terry Bradshaw as a motivational guest speaker, but the company canceled Bradshaw's appearance shortly before the start of the conference, according to a company spokesperson.

According to the Washington Speakers Bureau, which manages Bradshaw's speaking engagements, he commands a fee of more than $40,000 per appearance.

40,000 in cake for f**king Terry Bradshaw?!?! As a motivational speaker?!?! $40,000 for his inspiring tale of preserverance and triumph, defying the odds, to become the only member of Fox's insufferable Sunday NFL panel without hair?!?! Sh*t, for $100 bucks, I'll come to the conference, tickle the corporate stiffs with "you must be a redneck" jokes for an hour, then go on a roadtrip across the country, stopping at every home to hand out free AIG ball caps and free kicks to the junk.

Are you crappin' me, AIG?!?! I'd rather huddle together in Hobo Jungles and endure bread lines, than give this gargantuan joke of a company another nickel.


Defective Pants said...

Eleemosynary? Seriously?

Warm Apple Pie said...

Yes, charity, alms for the poor. If you cannot keep up, grab a dictionary. I don't have time for private tutoring this semester.

Defective Pants said...

Yes - I looked it up. Its use was completely supererogatory in that context. The intendment is to communicate to the reader, not to ostend your ability to thumb a thesaurus.

Sidecar said...

Eleemosynary was the personal Star Destroyer of Grand Admiral Osvald Teshik. Just before the second Death Star was destroyed, Teshik escaped to his Star Destroyer, and continued the fight against the Rebel fleet. I don't get it.

Warm Apple Pie said...

Look, don't get mad at me Defective Palin. If your dumb, man up and get edumacated. Stop buying clothes.

I'm sorry if I subvert the dominant paradigm and extend my lexicon to enrich your hebetudinous grey matter.

Hahaha, DP. You're a real expert in communicating to the reader. Hahahaha.

I'd learn more from a English class taught by Terry Bradshaw.

Pat Bateman said...

True genius is the ability to make the complicated seem simple, not the inverse.

True pretention is the ability to use a ten letter word when a three letter word will suffice.

In conclusion, supercalifragalistic, bitches.

Jack Knowledge said...

Sidecar, you're citing not to Wikipedia, but to Wookiepedia? Sexcellent. The Potatoe has taken a great scholarly and intellectual leap today. In which direction, I won't say.

Warm Apple Pie said...

Defective Palin - ha! Don't be afraid of words. Gooseshhhhteppin' morons like yourself should try reading books instead of buring them.

You are a troglodyte.

And Bateman weighs in - next to Biden the king of rhetorical flourishes!

Warm Apple Pie said...

If I knew it was gonna be this kind of party, I would have stuck my d*ck in the mashed potatoes!!!!

Warm Apple Pie said...

Honestly, I blame Bradshaw for this conversational derailment. Bradshaw has infected the blog with his redneckosity.

Defective Pants said...

Why are you being so leptodermic? Listen, I'm glad you wake up every morning with a burning desire to weave the daily entry in your word-a-day calendar into your posts. Good for you, but don't get all bitchy when someone points out how ridiculous it comes off at times. You sound like Mike Tyson after he got out of prison.

"Terry Bradshaw sounds recidivist when he retempts to accentuate the virtuosities of Denver's defensive steams."

Warm Apple Pie said...

Each day you defenestrate your intellect.

Defective Palin: Stupidity We Need!

The thing is I can pinpoint the moment I learned each word I use. I can cite reference it in life.

Look, Mozart, Beethoven, they could just play. That's the only way I can explain it. hahahaha.

Keep doing what you do best and cut and paste heads on to bodies in photographs. Leave the heavy stuff to the rest of us.

Defective Pants said...

This isn't about putting your vocaulary on display? Okay, then answer me this: What nuance of the word "eleemosynary" warranted its use instead of the word "charitable" or any other common synonym? Why use a word that you know 95% of readers will have to look up? Tell us, Iron WAP Tyson. Why did you pick "eleemosynary" for this post?

Did it arise out of a log period of self-flaggelation, wherein you crucified your thinner deamons?

Warm Apple Pie said...



Jack Knowledge

Defective Pants said...

It's not like I mentioned your abnormally large ankles.

Warm Apple Pie said...

No, eleemosynary was the appropriate word. Charitable reflects non-specific generosity. To anyone. Eleemosynary connotes beggars and the poor with arms outreached.

Don't play this game, Defective Palin. You will lose.

Why are you scared of words?

Defective Pants said...

char·i·ta·ble (chr-t-bl)
1. Generous in giving money or other help to the needy.

Definition: charitable; generous to the poor

"No, eleemosynary was the aprocreate word. Charitable deflects non-Pacific reciprocity. To anyone. Eleemosynary promotes beggars and the Moors with arms impeached."

Pat Bateman said...

Wait wait - I've been off eating gruel and using monosyllabic words in my cave for a few hours, so I've missed most of this fun, but did WAP actually say in these comments that he can pinpoint the moment in his life that he LEARNED each word - every one of them - in his personal lexicon? Are we going to explore that at all???

Warm Apple Pie said...

Please refer to comments re: Cringer post.

Defective Palin, keep sifting through my dirty under-word drawer.

Okay, here are three words: parsimonious, penurious and niggardly. Give me three sentences using each of them in the apocreate fashion. Go. You're on the clock. Don't google it, you fat jockey.

Give me three sentences showing the distinctions.

Jack Knowledge said...

And the winner of the 2008 Lamest Comeback Attempt Award goes to.......

Warm Apple Pie, for his break out work in "Use These Three Words In A Sentence."

Defective Pants said...

Hahaha. I can just picture those words rattling around WAP's cranium like those stunt motorcycles inside a globe.

Warm Apple Pie said...

And, surprisingly, the "F**k You AIG! F**k You Too Terry Bradshaw" post becomes the most commented of all time. So is the reach of WAP's influence.