Saturday, November 15, 2008

Assassination Of Liberalism By The Coward Dennis Miller


"I don't mean to go on a rant, folks, but . . . "

Highfalutin, GOP nozzle Dennis Miller says Sarah Palin is a "great dame." He regards the appearance of the good-looking Governor's "great sex life" as the source of bile coming Palin's way courtesy of a coterie of left-leaning ice queens, presiding over cold, dour lives and marriages according to Miller, in the oppressive chasteness of Manhattan's Upper East Side.

Then, guaranteeing the homely vision of his unkempt, watery-fat, ape face will dispel any notion of giving the missus a proper pickle-tickle this evening, Miller brings Todd Palin's snow machine into his sordid allegory, commenting that it has the look of "mechanized foreplay," a precursor to Alaska's first couple's exchange of bodily fluids most likely.

In Miller's wacky, German scat-porn body politic, that's why Sarah Palin fascinates the folks: the ability to have "non-neurotic sex" with her strapping Tesoro Iron Dog champion, as Monday Night Football's worst anchor phrases it.

So there you have it, Republicans: Your new standard-bearer instills such wonderment (such "starbursts around the living room") simply because she'll opt for the receiving end of a "Cleveland Steamer" without regret, guilt or therapy in its malodorous wake.

Miller, put the little monster away - the Palins ain't in the market for scruffy, irascible three-way. And that goes for the rest of you conservative cattle-rapers: get the grand old elephant's trunk out of Sarah's face. Show some class. Pretend that she's smart and sexy. That goes for you too, Greta. Christ, will someone get Greta's tongue out of the Governor's ear?

Who needs sexist attacks from the left with hyper-sexist flattery from the right? Sarah, I'd avoid back rooms of dive bars with any combination of Rich Lowry, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill Kristol, Dennis Miller and/or Hugh Hewitt throwing back Jaeger Bombs. Get away from that pinball table, Sarah!

I just love watching Miller huff and puff in a vain, awkward effort to ingratiate himself with a confused Republican audience. You're playing to the wrong crowd, Dennis. They don't get you. They don't particularly like you either.

You want an arcane cultural reference that resonates for no one, but I'll use it anyway and not be funny? After 9-11, Miller dumped liberalism for neoconservatism quicker than Vidkun Quisling traded in Norway for Nazism at Oslo's NRK studios in April 9, 1940. You got that, babe?

Let me give you the Dennis Miller transformational chronology from pedant to pussy in the flash of a fireball:

September 10, 2001: Miller loves pot, strippers, whores, gays, blacks, books, college radio, cynicism, polysyllabic rants - a "left-leaning, Dada-ist wisenheimer"according to Slate's Dennis Cass.

September 11, 2001: Terrorists attack New York City and Washington D.C. - the prime fronts of Al Qaeda's war to rid the world of asexual, frigid liberal women.

September 12, 2001: Miller curls up in the fetal position, shrinks in fear, plays tiddlywinks with his spontaneously combusted, new found chicken-hawk vinny, pretends to hate pot, strippers, whores, gays, blacks, books, college radio and cynicism. Still goes on windy polysyllabic rants, this time annoying Real Americans and raining down a torrent of canceled, unwatchable cable talk shows and failed game show pilots - a "tell-it-like-it-is right-wing blowhard" according to Slate's Dennis Cass.

September 13, 2001: Terrorists declare victory over GOP infant Miller, still cowering in the corner of the room with a wet diaper and a baby's intellect - a.k.a an unflinching Republican soldier.

For good measure, Jack Knowledge has to get his licks in on Miller, like Fred O'Bannion laying the lumber, giving the good wood, to Mitchy Kramer:

"Know when you can tell someone could really use a good cockslap? When they manage to make Bill O'Reilly seem somewhat less douchey by comparison. We salute you Dennis Miller, you skid mark on the underpants of society."

The days of the great Dennis Miller Live on HBO are long gone.

"Of course . . . that's just The Potatoe's opinion . . . we could be wrong."

***UPDATE***: Newshounds adds its two cents on Miller's peculiar bit on The O'Reilly Factor:

Comment: Words fail me – actually two words, directed to Miller come to mind. Miller’s commentary was as offensive as that of National Review's Kevin Burke who claimed that liberal women hated Palin because they felt guilty about their abortions and because Palin chose to give birth to a Down’s baby – views shared by Fox’s Bill O’Reilly and Charles Krauthammer.

To those males, who claim to channel what liberal women think, I say STFU. As I noted on an earlier thread, liberal women do not begrudge Palin her choice – a choice which Palin would deny to other women. As I also noted, there are other issues, important to women, which Palin either ignored or was uninterested in. But what was really, really creepy (and offensive) was Miller’s fantasizing about Palin’s sex life. It sounds like Dennis Miller, rather than East Side liberal women, has some – ah – problems? And snowmobile as “foreplay” – whatever gets you through the night, Dennis!

All I can say is that one of my best friends is a working mom with four children. I don’t know about her sex life (and don't want to know). What I do know is that she gets very tired. Obviously, I am not a Sarah Palin fan; but Miller's little screed was insulting to her because it revealed that Miller’s admiration is based on her “sexuality” (ability to please her man) and not on her ability to combine a political career with raising a family which includes a child with special needs. And that is very sexist!

Greta, Miller, Lowry, etc. - GOP admiration for Palin has become disturbingly fetishistic. I'm starting to worry about her safety.

I began drafting a "funny" take on that scene from The Accused starring the neocon usual suspects, but better judgment prevailed and I abandoned the project when I envisioned Hannity doing a jig atop a bar table, cruelly ribbing a reluctant Colmes to "get that college ass ready. You're up next, college boy. I want to see that college ass work" as Rush Limbaugh and Fred Barnes held Governor Palin down on the pinball table, while . . . (swallow vomit) . . . Greta thrusted in and out between the helpless Sarah's spread legs, climaxing with an orgasm face.

I feel awful about myself right now. Bad baby, bad baby, GOP!

3 comments:

James said...

Apple. Dennis Miller Live ran from 94 to 2002. It was a Republican show through the entire run.

9/11 didn't change him from a democrat to a republican. In his own words, "growing up" did that.

If anything 9/11 changed him from a more libertarian republican to a bit of a neo-con one.

I preferred to old libertarian Dennis.

Warm Apple Pie said...

Whoa, hold on James. I'll grant you that Miller gave nods to libertarianism or visceral conservative feelings behind his unequivocally socially liberal schtick during the nineties, but to say it was a "Republican show through the entire run" is just not the case.

John Stossel is a libertarian existing inside a vacuum, then placed in society to say crazy stuff. At best, Miller proved a milquetoast center-left comedian who buckled under the pressure of everyone's crossroad moment.

Did you become Democratic that fateful morning because the attack occurred on a Republican's watch? (yes, considering Miller's splurge of appreciation for Bush "keepin' us safe" for the past 7 years, I find it laughable that Miller won't take Bush to task for keeping us unsafe on Sept. 11. Nothing pissed me off more than a cavalier Condi Rice offering cavalier testimony about a decidely uncavalierly titled "Bin Laden going to kill us all" intelligent briefing made into paper airplanes at Bush's cavalier meeting of incompetents at the ranch in Crawford).

Take a tour through youtube. You'll find some of Miller's best stuff lambasting Newt Gingrich, though Newt was a Democrat during his entire four year run as speaker in the mid-nineties (see, just because you say things, doesn't make them true).

BTW, impassioned commenting over at the Kansas Citian today. My fellow contributors enjoyed it very much.

There's rancor, but at least there's rancor, if you get my drift. I'd be nervous for America if there was silence and apathy.

Also, we were curious, what's the political landscape look like in old Kansas City? How'd the vote go this election? Cut for Obama or McCain?

James said...

I actually did scour youtube for miller live stuff... most were just his interviews. Where are the rants? That was his best stuff.

I have always been a huge miller fan. His stuff on gingrich was funny, but if you noticed the joke was about the media's outrage at his actions. Miller took clinton to task for years. When he had his late night show on Fox before HBO, I knew it would last because he constantly was attacking hollywood liberals as soon as they left his chair.

True, Miller is far more libertarian than religious conservative, but he has held Republican values for a long time.

Maher likes to call himself a libertarian too, but would you say he is more of a democrat or republican?

I remember when Bush was running in 2000 in the primary. He did this great bit about how McCain would win. All he had to do was raise his hands. Of course he dusted off those old jokes for this year, but he has been telling it since 2000.

I wish I could find the joke he tells about becoming a republican. Its good, and was long before for Bush was in office.