Tuesday, November 11, 2008

U.S. to invade Greenland, Denmark, Ocean

BREAKING: The New York Times is reporting today that a hydrogen bomb is missing from the U.S.'s arsenal, and Greenland, Denmark and The Ocean are prime suspects. The H-bomb has been missing for 40 years. *gulp*

When last seen, the bomb was one of four aboard an Air Force B-52 bomber that crashed on a frozen bay near Thule Air Force Base in northern Greenland on Jan. 21, 1968. At first, all four bombs were unaccounted for, according to a front-page article in The New York Times on Jan. 23, 1968:
The Defense Department said that some of the wreckage had been observed on the ice by helicopters and that other pieces of the plane might have burned into or through the ice.
The Pentagon announcement made it clear that the bombs had not been found. It was not certain whether they had scattered on top of the ice cap or fallen with the bomber into several hundred feet of water.

Two years later, the United States and Denmark reported that they agreed “that the accident caused no danger to man or animal and plant life in the area,” according to The Times. The 96-page report of the investigation indicated that all four nuclear warheads aboard the plane had disintegrated on impact. Case closed.

Well, maybe not, the BBC says this week.

Declassified documents that the BBC obtained under the United States Freedom of Information Act indicate that only three of the bombs were accounted for, and that the United States searched secretly for the fourth bomb, without success.

With only 70 days left in office, it is unclear whether President Bush will have enough time to successfully launch a full-scale invasion of Greenland, Denmark and the entire Atlantic Ocean, but those effers have WMD and he will stop at nothing to find it. Perhaps instead of establishing a Presidential Library (entire collection to consist of one unread copy of My Pet Goat), Dubya can slap on some SCUBA gear and find this rogue WMD before it falls into the hands of the bad guys. Just a suggestion.


Defective Pants said...

I picture an "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World" type search. It's burried under the big "X". Keep digging.

Jack Knowledge said...

Alexandretta! Of course! On the pilgrimage trail from the Eastern Empire!

Warm Apple Pie said...

What did you find, President Bush?