Thursday, November 20, 2008

Never Say "Bachmann" Five Times Into A Mirror

Like any good movie baddie, Michelle Bachmann is back. You thought she was dead, but she is not. Sure, the villagers may have burned down her castle with torches, but Bachmann cannot be killed by any contrivance of man. Every time I see her, the creepy piano score from Halloween clicks on inside my head.

You see, Michelle Bachmann is an urban legend. She is Keyser Söze. She does not exist. Or, should I say, the words that come out of her mouth and are captured on film do not exist. You might recall that a while back, Michelle called for the media to do an expose on members of Congress and "find out if they are pro-America or anti-America," in addition to saying that she was “very concerned” that Barack Obama “may have anti-American views.” If you've been reading this blog - and judging by the attendance figures, you haven't - you might recall Sidecar and Warm Apple Pie's raging hard-on of hatred for Michelle, expressed here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and, finally, here.

Well, as it turns out, that was all a figment of their imagination - and ours. You see, Michelle never said those things. As Politico reports here for the benefit of us simpletons who didn't pick up the phone for days after seeing The Ring, Bachmann never said any of that. Those comments are, in her words, spoken - naturally - on Fox News, an "urban legend." Let Bloody Mary herself tell you:

Asked about the comment Tuesday night on Fox’s “Hannity & Colmes,” Bachmann said, “That’s not what I said at all.” “You've said you were concerned during the campaign that Obama had anti-American views. You said the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look at the views of the people in Congress and find out if they're pro or anti America,” host Alan Colmes said. “It's an urban legend that was created,” she responded. “That isn't what I said at all.”

Absolutely, positively not what she said. Totally not what almost cost her a congressional seat. Without question not the reason the GOP pulled its funding for her campaign. And, further and finally, absolutely not what she said in the following clip:

Please. Next the Liberal Media is going to be telling us that drinking Coke and eating Pop Rocks makes your stomach explode.


Jack Knowledge said...

For some reason this reminds me of the Obama birth certificate "controversy." "Show us your birth certificate." "Here it is." "That could be a fake." Prove it is real."

Bachmann saying she didn't say EXACTLY what she most definitely did say, and on television no less, is the same thing. "Here is the proof. It is fact." "No, I never said that."

I feel like Dr. Evil when he first saw the mole. "WOAH! Ha-buuuuh.."

Defective Pants said...

She is La Chupacabra.