Thursday, December 4, 2008

Sandra Bok Choi

Is anyone immune from the spreading economic crisis?:

Natalie Portman is not a sole sister anymore.

Proving that not even celebrities are immune to the country's economic crisis, the actress' vegan shoe line of less than a year, the Natalie Portman Collection for Casan, has closed up shop, making it even more of a limited edition than expected.

The critter-free line of footwear, announced by the longtime vegetarian back in January, was launched in February of this year to the delight of animal-loving fashionistas, but not so much to the credit-crunched masses—each pair retailed on average for $200.

Then again, economic crisis or financial bankruptcy born from intellectual bankruptcy: $200 kicks made out of tofu? "That's gold, Jerry! Gold!" "A shoe about nothing."

But don't shed a stilted, George Lucas-directed tear for Queen Amidala: With a flawed business model from inception, an unmarketable product line and excessive overhead costs, The Natalie Portman Collection For Casan meets the requirements for an immediate government bailout.

"Why the f**k not, right?" commented Hank Paulson, addressing whether Portman's super-sweet company is eligible to receive financial assistance from the $700 billion bailout package. "Did you see Closer? Oh, the movie is a celluloid turd, but Portman moonlights as a stripper! I would definitely take a billion dollar equity stake in that hiney! Someone hand me your checkbook."

5 comments:

mkits said...

I liked the movie Closer, so kiss off, WAP!

Warm Apple Pie said...

That's nothing to celebrate, mkits. Roll up the window when you are listening to Enya in the car.

Pat Bateman said...

Natalie was up for the Amy Adams role in the uncoming Doubt but did not take the role, a nun, because "she doesn't understand celibacy" and thus didn't think she was right for the part. Never - ever - say anything negative about Natalie, WAP. Never. Do NOT make me come down there...

Pat Bateman said...

Um, perhaps what I meant was "uPcoming" instead of inventing words such as "uNcoming" - something that I think they make a pill for nowadays.

Warm Apple Pie said...

She's an Ivy League math geek too, so you know she is sexually unhinged.

This one time at math camp . . .