Sandra Bok Choi

Is anyone immune from the spreading economic crisis?:

Natalie Portman is not a sole sister anymore.

Proving that not even celebrities are immune to the country's economic crisis, the actress' vegan shoe line of less than a year, the Natalie Portman Collection for Té Casan, has closed up shop, making it even more of a limited edition than expected.

The critter-free line of footwear, announced by the longtime vegetarian back in January, was launched in February of this year to the delight of animal-loving fashionistas, but not so much to the credit-crunched masses—each pair retailed on average for $200.

Then again, economic crisis or financial bankruptcy born from intellectual bankruptcy: $200 kicks made out of tofu? "That's gold, Jerry! Gold!" "A shoe about nothing."

But don't shed a stilted, George Lucas-directed tear for Queen Amidala: With a flawed business model from inception, an unmarketable product line and excessive overhead costs, The Natalie Portman Collection For Té Casan meets the requirements for an immediate government bailout.

"Why the f**k not, right?" commented Hank Paulson, addressing whether Portman's super-sweet company is eligible to receive financial assistance from the $700 billion bailout package. "Did you see Closer? Oh, the movie is a celluloid turd, but Portman moonlights as a stripper! I would definitely take a billion dollar equity stake in that hiney! Someone hand me your checkbook."