Monday, December 1, 2008

ODB "Likes It Raw," But Not This Raw Deal

Dead at 36, Russell Jones, a.k.a. Ol' Dirty Bastard, a.k.a, Dirt McGirt, a.k.a. Big Baby Jesus, allowed MTV cameras to accompany him in a limo to a New York City welfare office to get his family's allotment of food stamps. Citibank prefers a private jet to Washington D.C, but travels with similar irony.

From a Malkin reader, fed up:

I have been a Citibank cardholder since 2002. I have a better than average credit score and a perfect payment history with Citibank. My current APR on my Citibank credit card is 7.99%. Yesterday, the same day I find out Citibank is receiving $25 billion in bailout cash from our tax dollars, I received a notice with my billing statement stating my APR would nearly double to 14.99%.

You're supposed to use bailout (i.e., taxpayer) monies to extend credit, not hike rates and screw your customers. You're supposed to use bailout (i.e., taxpayer) monies to restore a measure of fiscal sanity and forethought to your blundering corporate management, not reap a congressional windfall, then double-recover on the back end.

I cannot stomach these sinister CEO suits appearing before our nincompoop Congress, playing Oliver Twist, begging for some more government soup, with their shit-eating grins and their "shit happens" philosophy on operating a company, all the while sleeping on Egyptian cotton sheets with four-digit thread counts. You should be wearing a barrel with suspenders, you financial sector f**k-sticks! Hit the pavement! Use the sidewalk as a pillow, you captains of failed industry! Your dimwitted leadership isn't worth the paper you print your cooked books on.

I cannot take much more of this economic crisis. I think I'm cracking. Calgon, "take me away!" Or don't:

The maker of Calgon, who's slogan was "take me away" and Mr. Bubble has filed for bankruptcy.

Ascendia Brands Inc. has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protectionand said it would try to sell itself.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Sh*t! Dammit! Bail them out! Do it now!

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