Happy Thanksgiving

Economic Patriotism

In his interview with Barbara Walters, President-Elect Obama asks for simple decency this holiday season:

WALTERS: Should bank executives -- it's almost Christmas time -- forgo their bonuses?

OBAMA: I think they should. That's an example of taking responsibility. I think that if you are already worth tens of millions of dollars, and you are having to lay off workers, the least you can do is say, "I'm willing to make some sacrifice as well, because I recognize that there are people who are a lot less well off, who are going through some pretty tough times."

How much is enough, Gordon Gekkos? People are suffering while you pad your wallets. How much is enough?

"Articulate Advocacy . . . Thank You, Sarah Palin"

A California-based political action committee, Our Country Deserves Better, will unveil a series of advertisements this Thanksgiving week giving . . . um . . . thanks . . . to vanquished GOP vice presidential candidate Governor Sarah Palin. The group thanks Sarah for her "articulate advocacy of common sense conservative values" (hahaha - I'm sorry, but I did chuckle typing this snippet) and then closes with a female doppelganger of Wilford Brimley issuing an urgent request for the Governor's moose chili recipe:


Hahaha - articulate advocacy. Man that's a gut-buster there also, you betcha.

My holiday present to the good folks at Our Country Deserves Better (who had no love loss for Barack Obama during the final weeks of the campaign): A wonderful montage of Sarah's most articulate moments:


Thank you for those interviews, Sarah. Please run in 2012.

Joe The Television Repairman

Say it ain't so, Joe? Death to analog!

Red Dawn?

The commie bastards took our McGriddles! Wolverines!!!

Oh damn. Gird your loins, folks!

Russian Professor Igor Panarin, described as a "leading Russian political analyst," predicts a new dawn for Mother Russia spawned from the economic collapse of the United States of America (courtesy of Drudge):

Professor Igor Panarin said in an interview with the respected daily IZVESTIA published on Monday: "The dollar is not secured by anything. The country's foreign debt has grown like an avalanche, even though in the early 1980s there was no debt. By 1998, when I first made my prediction, it had exceeded $2 trillion. Now it is more than 11 trillion. This is a pyramid that can only collapse."

The paper said Panarin's dire predictions for the U.S. economy, initially made at an international conference in Australia 10 years ago at a time when the economy appeared strong, have been given more credence by this year's events. When asked when the U.S. economy would collapse, Panarin said: "It is already collapsing. Due to the financial crisis, three of the largest and oldest five banks on Wall Street have already ceased to exist, and two are barely surviving. Their losses are the biggest in history. Now what we will see is a change in the regulatory system on a global financial scale: America will no longer be the world's financial regulator."

When asked who would replace the U.S. in regulating world markets, he said: "Two countries could assume this role: China, with its vast reserves, and Russia, which could play the role of a regulator in Eurasia."

Then, after a brief consultation with Michael Bay, the Ruskie pedagogue took it one step further; a geographic collapse for America as well?:

[Panarin] predicted that the U.S. will break up into six parts - the Pacific coast, with its growing Chinese population; the South, with its Hispanics; Texas, where independence movements are on the rise; the Atlantic coast, with its distinct and separate mentality; five of the poorer central states with their large Native American populations; and the northern states, where the influence from Canada is strong.

He even suggested that "we could claim Alaska - it was only granted on lease, after all." Panarin, 60, is a professor at the Diplomatic Academy of the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and has authored several books on information warfare.

The "Office of the President-Elect" responded to Panarin's prognostication with caution: "Just to be clear, while President-Elect Obama strongly disagrees with Mr. Panarin's despicable remarks, he looks forward to a constructive dialogue over the fate of Alaska."

UK Introduces New ID Card System, Codename "Older Sibling"

As I have written before here, it irks me when holier-than-thou foreigners pat us on the back for the election of Barack Obama, saying things like "we didn't think you had it in you, old chaps!" America is imperfect, but it's the most perfectly imperfect country ever devised by the hand of man. Yes, with all its flaws, it is still the greatest country in the history of history - put that in your pipe and smoke it Luxembourg.

What really gets my goat is many Euros talking about how they didn't think such a racist country could ever see its way clear to electing a black president. This sort of attitude infuriates me, because only one who had put their ethnic house in complete order should say something as pedantic. And, as anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of European history (and I'm not talking about World War II - I'm talking about RECENT history) knows or who has taken a cursory glance at a website or newspaper covering European politics in the last few years understands, "the Continent" is anything but when it comes to racial, religious and ethnic equality.

But the folks that I hold to the highest standards because of their close relationship and shared origins are the Brits. And the Brits today, as reported here, showed conclusively that they are moving backwards, not forwards, in this area:

Britain has begun a national identity card plan for some foreign nationals in an attempt to combat terrorism and identity fraud. Opponents say it represents a costly erosion of civil liberties. The program has been debated heatedly for several years. The cards are expected to store biometric data and information about the cardholder's nationality and work eligibility.
The first group to receive the new cards will be foreign students and permanent residents' spouses who apply for visa renewals. Officials expect more than 50,000 cards to be issued in the next four months and that the program will be expanded in coming years.

This topic has been hotly debated in Britain for several years since passage of the 2006 Identity Cards Act which gave the green light to this system (you can read more about it here). But what does this really mean for Brits? What should they expect? The answers might frighten you if you hold your freedom and civil liberties precious and think it is important to protect minorities within your country:

Under the NIR ("National Identity Register"), UK Residents with an ID card will be required to fulfil certain functions:
-Attend in person to be photographed, have their fingerprints taken and iris scanned.
-Promptly inform the police or Home Office if a card is lost or damaged.
-Promptly inform the National Identity Register of any change of address.
-Promptly inform the National Identity Register of any prescribed change of circumstances affecting the information recorded about them in the Register.

Whoa - everyone who gets an ID card will be fingerprinted and have their eyes scanned? Are you kidding me? We are not fighting Europa. We are now fighting Oceana.

Well, how are you rolling this out - is this a requirement for everyone? This isn't being "targeted" at certain segments of the population, right?

The first to receive ID cards will be foreign nationals, from 25 November 2008, and the Government intends to follow this up by offering young people ID cards in 2010. Ordinary British citizens will then be offered (on a voluntary basis at first, but later in larger volumes) ID cards from 2011 to 2012.

Oh good, so "ordinary" British citizens won't need an ID card until at least 2012 if not later - but foreign nationals need one starting this week? Well, I'm sure the scope of what this will be used for will be limited. You know, just preventing identity theft or for customs purposes:

For example, Gordon Brown was reported to be "planning a massive expansion of the ID cards project that would widen surveillance of everyday life by allowing high-street businesses to share confidential information with police databases."[57] He apparently described how "police could be alerted as soon as a wanted person used a biometric-enabled cash card or even entered a building via an iris-scan door."[58]

Ah, I see. Good, so limitless surveillance. Excellent. And at least it isn't targeting minorities or people who have been in the country for a short period of time, foreigners, things like that. Y'know - the dangerous elements. The ones you need to keep an eye on. Hey - if they have nothing to hide, they shouldn't care, right?

Good thing you Brits are around to pat us on the back for our progress in electing a black president. We can really take a cue from you chaps about how to treat everyone equally, openly and with respect. Speaking of which, tell me again the last minority prime minister you folks elected? Simply goes to show you that no matter what it is we get wrong here - and we gets lots of stuff wrong -everyone else will inevitably get it wronger.

Next time you complain about that DMV line, remember that at least they aren't fingerprinting you or scanning your iris. Liberal or conservative, be glad you're an American - where at least you know you're free (from compulsory biometric identification and registration).

The Very Last Samurai (We're Sure This Time)

Tom Cruise, method actor, may still be inhabiting Nathan Algren, his role as a drunk, has-been American army hero turned Japanese rebel in The Last Samurai:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A security guard shot and killed a man wielding two Samurai swords Sunday on the grounds of a Scientology building in Hollywood, police said.

The unidentified man approached three guards around noon in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Centre, Los Angeles Deputy Police Chief Terry S. Hara said.

The man was "close enough to hurt them" when one of the guards shot him, Hara said. Detectives were questioning the guard to figure out the swordsman's motive and determine whether the shooting was justified.

Surveillance tape showed the man arriving at the center's parking lot in a red convertible, then approaching the guards with a sword in each hand, Hara said.

When asked for comment on the unfortunate death of the sword-wielding attacker, Cruise responded, "no . . . I will tell you how he lived."

Those Evangelicals: Always Banging. Wait - what?

Honestly, I can't do the article justice, so please just read it for yourselves here. Long story short: Texas evangelical pastor challenges congregation (the marrieds, of course, no single tag-along fornicators) to have sex every day for a week.

It's really worth a read. It's an interesting idea. Frankly, I'd like to hear more talk like this from the Religious Right. At least then there's something we can agree on: more sex.

But - and I can't believe I'm doing this - I understand what they're getting at here, but sex is truly a complicated subject and perhaps this is just too flippant. Wow - really? I'm calling evangelical preachers too flippant about sex? Wow, I really am my mother. Where was I? Oh, right. Anyhow, my point is that this was meant as a closeness/bonding exercise, but simply having sex every day for a week does not fix deep issues and divides between two people - in fact, the pressure of it might even exacerbate them. And, frankly, some people don't have the time, energy, good-health or even interest in having sex every day - even for a week. Sex is as individual as every person is, and a call-to-groins such as this can be a boon to some but serve to further alienate those for whom the bedroom is a house of marital horrors. Listen, sex by itself does not fix all things. It is not a balm that heals all wounds. Believe me, I've been rubbing myself with it for years and I'm still as sick as before. Theoretically. Metaphorically. Double entendre. Whatever - hand me a tissue.

However, on the other hand (get it? get it? dude, I'm trying here...), what the flock do I know - I've been married four times, not counting the time I briefly married Brit-Brit in Vegas. All I'm saying is that I think their, um, heart (or whatever organ) was in the right place, but perhaps this skews too far in the other direction from the normal "keep your ankles covered, you harlot" attitude of many conservatives. How about some nice middle-ground sexual politics from evangelicals? Indeed, how about some nice middle ground sexual politics for us all.

No? How about just some nice sex for all of us? Eh? Eh, comrades? Sigh. Hand me that Lubriderm, will ya'?

Obama to Reboot WPA

Barack Obama is looking towards our collective future while borrowing from our past, apparently. The last time this country was in such a financial downward spiral, a visionary named Franklin - the to-that-point far lesser known fifth cousin of an older and bolder dude named Teddy - became president and rammed through quasi-Socialist legislation to turn this country into a pseudo-Socialist regime. Or so some like to Monday Morning Quarterback still, seventy years later. So, fittingly, pinko-Communist President-Elect Obama is reaching into the past and taking a page directly from FDR's "get us the hell out of this not-so-Great Depression" playbook. Obama announced his economic plan... and I feel like I've heard it before:

President-elect Barack Obama promoted an economic plan Saturday he said would create 2.5 million jobs by rebuilding roads and bridges and modernizing schools while developing alternative energy sources and more efficient cars.

Building roads? Building bridges? Modernization projects? Flying cars? Sounds to me like the Works Progress Administration, Version 2.008 (never heard of it? Educate thyself here).

Well, sounds well and good, Barack. But let's not forget that the Great War, not the WPA, was ultimately responsible for finally kicking the dust off of American industry and throttling the Great Depression. Not that the WPA (and its other be-acronym'd cousins) didn't build some great roads, bridges and dams. And if I get my flying car technology, then it's a raging success. But it does beg the question:

So, President-Elect-Comrade Obama... if we're really reliving the Great Depression, who are we going to attack to get out of it?

Gobble Gobble Also

Upon witnessing the carnage of turkey mass genocide in Wasilla this morning, Schindler Palin clucks "I could have done more. I should have done more."

"And cut. Hmmmm, still don't think we have the shot, Governor. I got to have more turkey slaughter in the background. Chip, can we have him grind more turkeys this time? Super. From the top: Scene 2, Sarah Palin presser at turkey concentration camp. Action!"

This woman deserves writing credit for the Daily Show.

SPECIAL POTATOE UPDATE: We're all gonna die!!!

A new report released by the intelligence community and summarized here (and in full here) predicts the state of the world in 2025. And let's just say that things don't sound good...

"The world of the near future will be subject to an increased likelihood of conflict over resources, including food and water, and will be haunted by the persistence of rogue states and terrorist groups with greater access to nuclear weapons," said the report by the National Intelligence Council.

Okay, so fights over food, water and the threat of nuclear terrorism, especially, the report predictably claims, in the Middle East. Sounds like the new (crappy) Bond movie, only without any hot chicks. The report also says that not only is global warming real, but that the smart investor would start putting their money in dollars as a result... CANADIAN dollars, that is...

The report, a year in the making, said that global warming will aggravate the scarcity of water, food and energy resources. Citing a British study, it said that climate change could force up to 200 million people to migrate to more temperate zones. "Widening gaps in birth rates and wealth-to-poverty ratios, and the impact of climate change, could further exacerbate tensions," it said. The report says the warming earth will extend Russia and Canada's growing season and ease their access to northern oil fields, strengthening their economies.

The bottom line of the report was that for those of us who have grown up in a world where the United States was the ultimate power in the universe, there are a few new Death Stars on the rise:

Although the United States is likely to remain the single most powerful actor, the United States' relative strength -- even in the military realm -- will decline and US leverage will become more strained.

Predictably, countries like India, China and Russia were forecast to start making like the Tampa Bay Rays - the butt of jokes no longer, and younger, faster and more dynamic than those old stalwarts, the bellwether Yanks. (see how it has two meanings!) Bottom line: all things remaining the same and equal, America is slip-sliding from its untouchable perch. And the intelligence community just confirmed it in writing.

Is there any good news? Well, actually, yes - there is:

The intelligence community expects that terrorism would survive until 2025, but in slightly different form, suggesting that Al Qaeda's "terrorist wave" might be breaking up. "Al Qaeda's inability to attract broad-based support might cause it to decay sooner than people think," it said. ...[Also o]n a positive note it added that an alternative to oil might be in place by 2025.

The alternative to oil, apparently, will be the energy generated by the mushroom clouds all over the Middle East, but you've got to look at the bright side.

She's Business Class

Here, have another one, on the house.

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Thursday.

The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are "functionally disabled by obesity" deserve to have two seats for one fare.

No word on whether the high court will also consider the companion action seeking two complimentary meals with those seats.

Joe The Plumber Finally Gets His Book Deal

Of course he did. I'd rather read binary code during a simultaneous root canal/rectal exam.

Working title: "An American Floater: The Story of One's Citizen Refusal to be Flushed Away into the Sewer of Identity Politics." Cover photo to the left. Foreword to be penned by Ashley "Backwards B" Todd. Hannity has already committed a jacket blurb sight unseen: "This is the greatest book God has established in the history of the world."

The Potatoe has been granted an exclusive first look at the opening sentences of Chapter 1, nonsensically titled: "If he looks like a Muslim, has a name like a Muslim, hates Israel like a Muslim, then he sure ain't a duck":

Behold! On the stump like a snow hill. It is Barack Obama. Mmmm. I like dark meat.

I furtively moved forward through his adoring mob of apostles, trying not to arouse suspicion, reflecting sunshine into the inquisitive eyes of this enemy hoard with my gleaming bald noggin, tactically buffed to a shimmer, a trick I picked up snaking drains outside Cambodia in '68.

I was a hero then too; our boys never felt the cringe of humiliation seeing toilet water cresting over the top of the bowl after releasing an ungodly monster sh*t in the latrine. Not on Joe's watch.

So I had been here before, called to doody (i.e., a pun right there) by the demands of my country. Time to play the hero again, Joe, against another communist foe.

Was I afraid? In the words of our 2012 President, Sarah Palin, "you betcha." But the training keeps you steady - once you've swam through a 50-foot cesspool of sh*t-smelling foulness the likes of which you cannot begin to imagine as a civilian, fear takes on the redolence of roses. I eat pieces of sh*t like Barack Sadam Hussein Obama Bin-Laden for breakfast. Let's do this thing!

The fetid stench of Marxism and my poopy-smelling t-shirt, moist and stank from morning appointments, hung heavy over the crowd. But I, undaunted. Ready to take on a Kenyan-born would-be dictator. Oh no. Not on Joe's watch. I f**king love Israel . . .

From what we've read so far, An American Floater is a well-received, poignant Bildungsroman novelette snatched from the still-beating heart of German Enlightenment, as its protagonist, citizen Joe, a pulpy denizen of the real realm, an uber-slob sentinel of the proletariat, the deserving scion of the rustic, vulgar Romanticism within Emile Zola's Germinal, sprouts, blossoms and embodies the American polemic, given martyrdom by liberal schadenfreude, as he bends, but never breaks, becoming the Zeitgeist of his moment.

Or, it's a piece of sh*t.

Economic Hot Potatoe

Too soon, Chevy Volt. Too soon.

During campaigns no one likes to play the blame game. On the Hill, however, it's everyone's fault except the public servant in the mirror:

For now, however, with the federal emergency loan plan stalled in the Senate, lawmakers in both parties are engaged in a high-stakes game of chicken, positioning themselves to blame each other for the failure.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., scrapped plans Wednesday for a vote on a bill to carve $25 billion in new auto industry loans out of the $700 billion Wall Street rescue fund.
It's really up to Bush's team to act, he said.

"I don't believe we need the legislation," Reid said. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson can tap the financial industry bailout money to help auto companies, Reid said, but "he just doesn't want to do it."

Not our responsibility, countered the White House.

"If Congress leaves for a two-month vacation without having addressed this important issue ... then the Congress will bear responsibility for anything that happens in the next couple of months during their long vacation," said Dana Perino, the White House press secretary.

You think the American people will be fair and discriminating with the truckloads (Japanese manufactured trucks, 50 miles to the gallon) of blame at their disposal when Detroit goes belly up and the sky falls? Keep telling yourself that, Dana.

And not giving a red government cent to the Big Idiot 3 (i.e., America's Lenny Smalls to Japan's George Miltons: Honda, Toyota, Nissan) might be the most thoughtful and prudent action within this economic sh*tstorm. But if the proverbial "do-nothing" Congress wants to now, in fact, do nothing, then own the damn thing. Don't leave a flaming bag of auto industry poo on the White House's front step, play "ring and run," then fly your lobbyist-paid-for private jet down to Barbados for two months (for that matter, who the f**k takes two-month paid vacations besides new mothers on maternity leave?!?! Henry Waxman, you better show me one hideous-looking troll-baby before you're excused from the legislation table. Christ, even the retarded Texan only spends a month at a time clearing brush at the Crawford Ranch).

"A high stakes game of chicken?" When did our elected officials go all Rebel Without A Cause on us? Take off the leather jacket, Barney Frank. You are not cool!

Oh my God! I think I just became a pure fiscal conservative. Let's make the Bush tax cuts permanent. I don't want these feckless Beltway dolts taking another dollar of taxpayer money to spend frivolously on a bailout for eHarmony or Arby's.

You are no longer sound stewards of our money. No taxation without representation. Not one of you represents me.

They're Coming To Your Town!

America? Now the "rainbow city upon a hill" because you capitulated to gay militants and their potentate, Tim Gunn. Holla at your boy, Tony Perkins!

A new instructional DVD released by the American Family Association teaches yokels how to prevent gay activists from taking over their town's council and promulgating Cher's birthday as a local holiday. Here's the plot line (use the link for the trailer as well):

Residents of the small Arkansas town of Eureka Springs noticed the homosexual community was growing. But they felt no threat. They went about their business as usual. Then, one day, they woke up to discover that their beloved Eureka Springs, a community which was known far and wide as a center for Christian entertainment--had changed. The City Council had been taken over by a small group of homosexual activists.

The Eureka Springs they knew is gone. It is now a national hub for homosexuals. Eureka Springs is becoming the San Francisco of Arkansas. The story of how this happened is told in the new AFA DVD “They’re Coming To Your Town.”

Now, Eureka Springs suffers the fate of its sister springs, Palm Springs, and writhes in eternal damnation as the gay spring break mecca for leather-chap clad legions east of the Mississippi. "It's been awful. One day I'm serving Coors Light cans. The next I'm elbows deep in my recipes book looking for something weird called a 'Cosmo'. I'm at my breaking point. How many times can one man hear the phrase 'hot mess' during a shift," carped Jimmy Bob Billy-Bob, local and barkeep at the popular Eureka Springs watering hole "Harvey Firestein's" (recently changing its name from "Straight Shooters" under new ownership).

American Family Association? Family Research Council? Why does bigotry always come under the guise of the family? Don't gay people have families too or are they generated in laboratories? Godless liberal scientists!

Forgive me for not shaking hands

Sure, maybe Dana Perino can look at this video and spin it in a way to suggest that it was President Bush's choice not to shake hands with all the world leaders at the G-20 summit Saturday, but somehow that's not how I read it.



Maybe in his final weeks as POTUS Bush is trying to bring back George Washington and John Adams's practice...

Never Say "Bachmann" Five Times Into A Mirror

Like any good movie baddie, Michelle Bachmann is back. You thought she was dead, but she is not. Sure, the villagers may have burned down her castle with torches, but Bachmann cannot be killed by any contrivance of man. Every time I see her, the creepy piano score from Halloween clicks on inside my head.

You see, Michelle Bachmann is an urban legend. She is Keyser Söze. She does not exist. Or, should I say, the words that come out of her mouth and are captured on film do not exist. You might recall that a while back, Michelle called for the media to do an expose on members of Congress and "find out if they are pro-America or anti-America," in addition to saying that she was “very concerned” that Barack Obama “may have anti-American views.” If you've been reading this blog - and judging by the attendance figures, you haven't - you might recall Sidecar and Warm Apple Pie's raging hard-on of hatred for Michelle, expressed here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and, finally, here.

Well, as it turns out, that was all a figment of their imagination - and ours. You see, Michelle never said those things. As Politico reports here for the benefit of us simpletons who didn't pick up the phone for days after seeing The Ring, Bachmann never said any of that. Those comments are, in her words, spoken - naturally - on Fox News, an "urban legend." Let Bloody Mary herself tell you:

Asked about the comment Tuesday night on Fox’s “Hannity & Colmes,” Bachmann said, “That’s not what I said at all.” “You've said you were concerned during the campaign that Obama had anti-American views. You said the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look at the views of the people in Congress and find out if they're pro or anti America,” host Alan Colmes said. “It's an urban legend that was created,” she responded. “That isn't what I said at all.”

Absolutely, positively not what she said. Totally not what almost cost her a congressional seat. Without question not the reason the GOP pulled its funding for her campaign. And, further and finally, absolutely not what she said in the following clip:



Please. Next the Liberal Media is going to be telling us that drinking Coke and eating Pop Rocks makes your stomach explode.

We'll Do It Live (The Club Remix)

This song is huge in Germany in 1938. And even The Potatoe is not immune to Hitler analogies.

Say It Ain't So, Mark!

Get ready to dance again, Mark.

I've always respected Mark Cuban, and will continue to do so until the government carries its burden of proof:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks professional basketball team, was charged with insider trading in shares of Mamma.com Inc, an Internet search engine firm, the Securities and Exchange Commission said on Monday.

Cuban, one of the five finalists to buy the Chicago Cubs pro baseball team, faces civil charges by acting on nonpublic information and selling shares of Mamma.com to avoid more than $750,000 in losses, the SEC alleged.

Sorry, Cubs fans. Looks like Mr. Cuban might be a bit too busy this coming year to own your 100 years of misery.

***UPDATE***: From Mark Cuban's blog: "I wish I could say more, but I will have to leave it to this, and let the judicial process do its job."

Also on the blog, Cuban's defense counsel, Stephen A. Best, from Dewey & LeBoeuf, responds to the SEC charges with an excerpt of his interview with the former CEO of Mamma.com Inc., stating Cuban made no verbal response to the offer of confidential information.

Hitler Was Nut(s)?

No shock here. You need two to complete the conquest of Europe (except for France, where a vagina will suffice).