Red Dawn?

The commie bastards took our McGriddles! Wolverines!!!

Oh damn. Gird your loins, folks!

Russian Professor Igor Panarin, described as a "leading Russian political analyst," predicts a new dawn for Mother Russia spawned from the economic collapse of the United States of America (courtesy of Drudge):

Professor Igor Panarin said in an interview with the respected daily IZVESTIA published on Monday: "The dollar is not secured by anything. The country's foreign debt has grown like an avalanche, even though in the early 1980s there was no debt. By 1998, when I first made my prediction, it had exceeded $2 trillion. Now it is more than 11 trillion. This is a pyramid that can only collapse."

The paper said Panarin's dire predictions for the U.S. economy, initially made at an international conference in Australia 10 years ago at a time when the economy appeared strong, have been given more credence by this year's events. When asked when the U.S. economy would collapse, Panarin said: "It is already collapsing. Due to the financial crisis, three of the largest and oldest five banks on Wall Street have already ceased to exist, and two are barely surviving. Their losses are the biggest in history. Now what we will see is a change in the regulatory system on a global financial scale: America will no longer be the world's financial regulator."

When asked who would replace the U.S. in regulating world markets, he said: "Two countries could assume this role: China, with its vast reserves, and Russia, which could play the role of a regulator in Eurasia."

Then, after a brief consultation with Michael Bay, the Ruskie pedagogue took it one step further; a geographic collapse for America as well?:

[Panarin] predicted that the U.S. will break up into six parts - the Pacific coast, with its growing Chinese population; the South, with its Hispanics; Texas, where independence movements are on the rise; the Atlantic coast, with its distinct and separate mentality; five of the poorer central states with their large Native American populations; and the northern states, where the influence from Canada is strong.

He even suggested that "we could claim Alaska - it was only granted on lease, after all." Panarin, 60, is a professor at the Diplomatic Academy of the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and has authored several books on information warfare.

The "Office of the President-Elect" responded to Panarin's prognostication with caution: "Just to be clear, while President-Elect Obama strongly disagrees with Mr. Panarin's despicable remarks, he looks forward to a constructive dialogue over the fate of Alaska."

SPECIAL POTATOE UPDATE: We're all gonna die!!!

A new report released by the intelligence community and summarized here (and in full here) predicts the state of the world in 2025. And let's just say that things don't sound good...

"The world of the near future will be subject to an increased likelihood of conflict over resources, including food and water, and will be haunted by the persistence of rogue states and terrorist groups with greater access to nuclear weapons," said the report by the National Intelligence Council.

Okay, so fights over food, water and the threat of nuclear terrorism, especially, the report predictably claims, in the Middle East. Sounds like the new (crappy) Bond movie, only without any hot chicks. The report also says that not only is global warming real, but that the smart investor would start putting their money in dollars as a result... CANADIAN dollars, that is...

The report, a year in the making, said that global warming will aggravate the scarcity of water, food and energy resources. Citing a British study, it said that climate change could force up to 200 million people to migrate to more temperate zones. "Widening gaps in birth rates and wealth-to-poverty ratios, and the impact of climate change, could further exacerbate tensions," it said. The report says the warming earth will extend Russia and Canada's growing season and ease their access to northern oil fields, strengthening their economies.

The bottom line of the report was that for those of us who have grown up in a world where the United States was the ultimate power in the universe, there are a few new Death Stars on the rise:

Although the United States is likely to remain the single most powerful actor, the United States' relative strength -- even in the military realm -- will decline and US leverage will become more strained.

Predictably, countries like India, China and Russia were forecast to start making like the Tampa Bay Rays - the butt of jokes no longer, and younger, faster and more dynamic than those old stalwarts, the bellwether Yanks. (see how it has two meanings!) Bottom line: all things remaining the same and equal, America is slip-sliding from its untouchable perch. And the intelligence community just confirmed it in writing.

Is there any good news? Well, actually, yes - there is:

The intelligence community expects that terrorism would survive until 2025, but in slightly different form, suggesting that Al Qaeda's "terrorist wave" might be breaking up. "Al Qaeda's inability to attract broad-based support might cause it to decay sooner than people think," it said. ...[Also o]n a positive note it added that an alternative to oil might be in place by 2025.

The alternative to oil, apparently, will be the energy generated by the mushroom clouds all over the Middle East, but you've got to look at the bright side.

Barack Obama: At The Adult Table

I remember countless holidays where I was banished to the kiddie table - out of range of civilized discourse, relegated to making armpit farts and flicking boogers. Worse was the adult folk patronizing me with their disgusted glances, mortified that their scion could belch the alphabet.

Tonight, Obama shook his head with disapproving maturity. Tonight, John McCain made fart noises with his mouth.

"Ayers, ACORN, Ayers, ACORN, Ayers, ACORN, Ayers . . . my campaign is about the economy." Did that just happened???? It did. I almost did a spit-take (I haven't done a spit-take since Palin's explanation about Russia's proximity to her foreign policy experience.).

Tonight, McCain would have been better served with honest questions: "Health care plan? In what respect, Barry?"

The split screen did him no favors. At one point, my girlfriend equated McCain to Vincent D'Onofrio's bug character in "Men in Black." Without pause, I eagerly equated McCain's visage to Jeffy Goldblum's fly character in . . . well . . . "The Fly."

The point?: McCain's skin was thinner than soy paper, absolutely ineffective at shrouding the curmudgeon beast below ready to shed its apocryphal mask of gentility at first prodding. He was petulant, irascible and disconnected. He spouted fluff attacks in rapid-fire succession as if trying to eclipse a world record. It was a haphazard carpet bombing of a hunkered-down Obama, prepared for every twist and turn. Hell, even the much ballyhooed Bill Ayers reference seemed trite and tortured - almost as if McCain doesn't have a bone to pick with folks "pallin' around with terrorists" despite his previous message.

I thought Palin was the death knell for McCain. I was wrong - ask yourself this fundamental question and let it govern your vote: Over the past three months, which candidate demonstrated the consistency of character and a never-failing steadiness in the face of tough questions, tough issues, tough matters and tough world events?

Like I said before - vote the man in this election, not the ideology. Vote for an original leader, not for a partisan soundboard. Vote for the candidate who makes very clear in these three debates that your issues will always trump the petty squabbles of the Autumn election cycle.

Full disclosure: For the first time since I became voter eligible I have donated money to a presidential candidacy. After the second debate, I pulled out my American Express Elite-Yuppie-Intelligentsia-250k-per-year Gold Card (a platinum card is too fringe, too extreme, too Sheehan, just too elite) and authorized a $50 payment to Senator Obama.

Why? Because he's consistent. Because he's steady. And because for all the money I will pay in taxes (being in that upper 5% Barack never speaks to), it is a pittance compared to the potential economic loss I suffer without a job, health insurance and affordable education.

Laud the free market. We all do. But it cannot exist in a vacuum. And whether you are Joe Six-Pack, Joey Danko or Joe Plumber, Mikey Dollar Signs will be quick to interject that you cannot draw blood from a stone and you can't siphon taxes from zero dollars of income, no matter how high the rate.

In closing, yes I'm drunk. But sober enough to see that the "October surprise" is just how damn optimistic I am about a major party candidate less than three weeks from Election Day.

If Richard Lowry had little starbursts for Palin, then count me as flaming gay for Obama. My starbursts come with energy independence in a decade.