Watch Your Back, Mr. Simmons...

...because Warm Apple Pie is monitoring you. The picture below was taken by WAP at the Clippers-Nuggets game on Friday night while WAP was passing through Los Angeles on his way to Shanghai to negotiate a new carbon emissions protocol. Mr. Simmons: you have been warned... WAP managed to attach a tracking device to you while you were waiting on line for beer (oh who are we kidding - there are no lines at Clippers games!). We know where you are at all times. In a related story, do you EVER leave your couch? Seriously...

The Very Last Samurai (We're Sure This Time)

Tom Cruise, method actor, may still be inhabiting Nathan Algren, his role as a drunk, has-been American army hero turned Japanese rebel in The Last Samurai:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A security guard shot and killed a man wielding two Samurai swords Sunday on the grounds of a Scientology building in Hollywood, police said.

The unidentified man approached three guards around noon in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Centre, Los Angeles Deputy Police Chief Terry S. Hara said.

The man was "close enough to hurt them" when one of the guards shot him, Hara said. Detectives were questioning the guard to figure out the swordsman's motive and determine whether the shooting was justified.

Surveillance tape showed the man arriving at the center's parking lot in a red convertible, then approaching the guards with a sword in each hand, Hara said.

When asked for comment on the unfortunate death of the sword-wielding attacker, Cruise responded, "no . . . I will tell you how he lived."