McCain Advisor a Hoax: Palin Still May Not Know Africa is Continent

According to The New York Times, one of the most blogged about tidbits leaked from the McCain campaign in the aftermath of the election was nothing more than a piece of an elaborate hoax. When FoxNews quoted an unnamed McCain advisor as stating that Palin did not know that Africa was a continent, the blogosphere exploded with bellowing laughter, and the traditional media followed suit. This blog took the bait as well.

On Monday, MSNBC's David Shuster revealed that the unnamed McCain advisor was none other than Martin Eisenstadt. Trouble is, Martin Eisenstadt doesn't exist.

Look, I'm not going to bore you with all the details (which you can read here), but this is awesome, hilarious and somewhat embarrassing. The guys who perpetrated this hoax created a fake think tank for "Eisenstadt" to work at as a senior fellow, the Harding Institute, created a blog for him to blog on, created youtube videos purporting to show him being interviewed on Iraqi tv, and the list goes on and on. This was elaborate. This was genius. And this was a load of bullshit. Well played.

***UPDATE*** In the most-meta moment we can recall, the hoaxy Martin Eisenstadt, who doesn't actually exist, claims on his blog that yesterday's expose in the NY Times (link above) was the actual hoax, perpetrated by the group Yes Men, who put out a very realistic uber-liberal faux NY Times from the future yesterday. To sum up, the hoax is suggesting that the hoax is reality and the real expose is the actual hoax. Get all that? Check it out here. See Valley Wag's take on the story here.

"Our First Colored President"

Lindsay Lohan: Actress. Comedienne. Impresario. Auteur. Cocaine Hoover. Wordsmith. Moron:



"It's an amazing feeling, our first COLORED president." Well, at least she didn't say our first "negra" president or "dat dem boy der is miscegenated!"

Lohan also claims that celebrities helped influence the election by getting out the vote. I contend that Obama would have won Utah if it wasn't for Lohan's, DiCaprio's and the rest of the arugula-eaters' urgings.

I'm not really outraged by this comment. Just gave me an excuse to poke fun at Lohan. Palin-Lohan 2012!

Palin to the Supreme Court

Following up on the embarrassingly ignorant response to the question about the role of the vice president showing her total ignorance of the U.S. Constitution, I guess this shouldn't surprise me. But it does. I have this weirdly quaint notion that the people we elect to hold the highest federal offices in the land should have at least a passing familiarity with our laws. I'm a huge dick that way. Given how shockingly, disturbingly, dangerously and cosmically wrong Palin is on this one, I question whether she has ever read the U.S. Constitution even in comic book form.

As reported in the Huffington Post, Palin was interviewed on a conservative (shocker!) radio show this morning and told WMAL-AM that her criticism of Obama's associations, like those Bill Ayers and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, should not be considered negative attacks. Palin suggested that reporters who suggested that this is a negative attack may be threatening her free speech rights under the Constitution. Yes. Seriously.

"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

Now, here's the thing, this is not just wrong, it's the exact opposite of right. The First Amendment to the Constitution protects Freedom of the Press, not freedom of the government. It ensures the press' right to freely question the government or a political officeholder, and protects the rights OF the press FROM the government. It does NOT protect elected officials from the scrutiny of the press. When the press criticizes a political candidate or an elected official, that is an example of First Amendment rights being exercised, not abridged.

As Rachel Weiner notes, this isn't just a demonstration of profound ignorance of our liberties, it's also giving voice to the "standard right-wing grievance instinct: that it's inherently unfair when they're criticized. And now, apparently, it's even unconstitutional." Well said.

Pathological

I had a friend who was a pathological liar. It boggled my mind, because he would just lie about meaningless, unimportant stuff - and stuff that was easily proven false. He once claimed that his mother was a dentist. I knew his mother, and she wasn't a dentist. It was like he was lying for sport. More troubling, it was almost as if he lost the ability to discern fact from fiction.

Well as I pointed out here, Palin is a liar. But is she pathological? As reported by the always entertaining Anne Marie Cox of the Washington Independent, when talking about Joe the Plumber:

Gov. Sarah Palin apparently got so excited that she momentarily granted him the honored double status of veteran and Frontier State native: “He’s a fellow Alaska[n], and he’s a fellow military man who has served our country proudly. I’d like you to meet him.”

He is neither. But then again, his name isn’t Joe and he isn’t a plumber. So, really, who’s to blame her for getting a little carried away?

Is she pathological? I will let you decide.

No I won't. You might get it wrong.

She is.

Why in the hell else would she lie about this? What could cause the words “He’s a fellow Alaska[n], and he’s a fellow military man who has served our country proudly" to come out of her mouth? It just isn't true. It has to be that she's lost the ability to discern fact from fiction (scary), she is just lying for sport (scary), or she is just flat out batshit crazy (scary). Whichever is the case, she is pathological.

***UPDATE*** Thanks to reader, James, it appears that Ms. Cox was wrong about the veracity (or lack thereof) of Palin's speech. Which shoots my theory to shit. Oh, well. He lived in Alaska for 4 years, and was in the Air Force. And he looks like the dude from The Shield.

Glad to have a more right-leaning reader to keep us in check. But save the "don't care about the truth" stuff. We try to get it right, and we will admit when we get it wrong.

McCain, Obama, Palin: You Got Served!

Courtesy of a good friend. The Potatoe thanks you:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

The "Anti-Elitist" Drag

Christopher Hitchens makes it know he is, um, a "bit displeased" at the selection of Governor Palin and her stunted views on scientific knowledge:

"This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured. And those who prate of spiritual warfare and demons are not just "people of faith" but theocratic bullies. On Nov. 4, anyone who cares for the Constitution has a clear duty to repudiate this wickedness and stupidity."

Hitchens refers to this race towards the intellectual bottom as the "GOP ticket's appalling contempt for knowledge and learning."

Despite the Anti-Elite, we've still come a long way in terms of scientific advancement since God created the earth 6,000 years ago. Cut them some slack, Hitch.

What Are You Going To Be For Halloween? Vice President.

Can there be any remaining doubt that Governor Palin is playing "dress up." More distressing is how much money makeup artists make - why did I go to law school again?

***UPDATE***: Some perspective. Palin's makeup artist earned approximately 22,000 dollars for a two week period. In contrast, during this same period, McCain's foreign policy advisor earned only $12,000. At least the GOP ticket has its priorities straight.

When you think about John McCain, think about George Bush

Last night, one of the most important, influential voices in American politics finally released an endorsement for president. No, I'm not talking about the New York Times' endorsement of Sen. Obama released late last night. Nor am I talking about Pres. Bush's former Press Secretary Scott McClellan endorsing Obama on D.L. Hughley's show on CNN. But that does raise an interesting question: D.L. HUGHLEY HAS A SHOW ON CNN??? How does that sentence not end with "on the WB?" But no, I'm talking about President George Walker Bush, who finally came out to fully embrace the candidacy of Sen. John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin.

In complimenting Gov. Palin's amazing folksy appeal, Pres. Bush explained that "for a while I tried to be folksy, but after a bit it just came off douchey."

Why We Pick On Palin

Because it's always "opposite day" for Governor Palin on the campaign trail. And it's shameless.

We will stop abuses of power, yet I abused power according to the Branchflower report regarding "Troopergate" - the very first finding.

We will stop government corruption, yet I've been part of the corruption as Governor of Alaska, doctoring expense reports to justify travel and accommodations for my children using taxpayer money.

We will stop cronyism and reform government, yet my government's cabinet is littered with cronies and high school chum, and I permitted my husband to wield the power of the governor's office.

I'm part of the middle class, an average Hockey Mom, just like you (wink wink), yet the expenditures on my couture over the past two months rival the value of some embattled mortgages.

I'll tell you that Barack Obama pals around with terrorists and believes America is imperfect, yet Todd and I were affiliated with secessionists who not only think the country is imperfect, but want no part of it.

Why do we pick on Palin? Hypocrisy. The worst kind.

Alaska Independence Party and the Palins: A Simmering Controversy

Against the better wishes of my fellow contributors, Warm Apple Pie will continue to push this fact-driven story: The Palins' ties to the Alaska Independence Party ("AIP") and the unwillingness of the mainstream media to explore the history of the relationship. There is a ton of unfinished meat on the bone.

Some say this is "out there" already and yesterday's news cycle. But I believe it is ripe for media plucking considering McCain-Palin's incessant push to link Obama to William Ayers.

And others are starting to agree (Colmes to the rescue? Colmes? Say it ain't so, Joe!):



From last evening's Hannity and Colmes. Around minute three, Colmes raises the parallel between the Ayers-Obama attack and the Palins' unchallenged AIP involvement. He notes how Democrats have decided not to play in this pigpen (lipsticked pigpen that is). Former Deputy Governor of Maryland, Republican Michael Steele, after two minutes of usual, overwrought shredding of Obama on his dubious connections (with the help of the always-willing Hannity), suddenly becomes very terse when confronted with AIP allegations, dismissing them as merely "irrelevant."

A simmering controversy, not a stale one. And it is starting to creep out of the blogosphere to the print media.

The Anti-Feminist

Oh, Sweet Sarah, you minx. Do you really think that you will be able to convince Hillary's supporters to vote for you just because you are a woman? I'm no woman (although I do have beautiful breasteses), but if I was, I'd be pretty damn insulted right about now. Palin's new argument boils down to this: Throw out every policy issue, throw out my history of abusing power, throw out my lack of intellectual curiosity. Throw out every issue, personality trait, governing record and belief that I have. Throw out the fact that I have a history of opposing so-called "women's issues" and think women should pay for their own rape kits. I have a vajayjay. I giant, power-hungry vajayjay.

She openly called out for women to vote solely on the basis of gender. Can you imagine what Hannity, Limbaugh and the rest of the slime merchants would have done if Hillary made such an outward plea for gender-based voting? I smell a Hannity Dilemma.

But even McCain's own campaign head, Rick "I lied about lobbying for Fannie Mae and simply disappeared until the press forgot about it" Davis, doesn't think this will work. Why? Because women are jealous of Sarah Palin. As reported by Matt Yglesias, Rick Davis and Bill Bennett had the following exchange during a discussion of why liberal women don't support Palin:

BENNETT: I don’t know which drives them more crazy. Let me give you three things that I think drives them crazy, and you don’t have to comment. That’s she’s very attractive. That she’s very competent or that she’s very happy. You know, as a human being.

DAVIS: Yeah, all of the above.

Hilarious. Now I could, like Yglesias does, point out the absurdity of ignoring the substantive reasons why some women oppose Palin. But I would rather focus on why Bennett and Davis would think this. They are smitten. Undeniably, transparently and disgustingly smitten. Smitten like a certain resident blogger I will not name (let's call him Jack K. - too obvious, I'll use J. Knowledge, instead). They refuse to even consider that someone could look at this moose-hunting moose-knuckled maverick and not see what they see - 125 pounds of vanilla pudding in a pants-suit. Which is all fine and dandy, but I can't imagine that the ladies they are trying to persuade are happy with this.

Whoops! Are You Sure You're Not President Bush?

90% of the time I voted with Bush. The other 10% I only spoke like him.

In Western Pennsylvania today, John McCain mangles a punchline, then spends the next eight uncomfortable seconds butchering his subsequent lines in a pretty amusing (no, I just watched it again - it's downright side-splitting. Belly guffaws) effort to remove probably both feet from his mouth.


"Senator Obama's supporters have been saying some pretty nasty things about Western Pennsylvania lately (crowd: boooooooooooooooo). And you know . . . I couldn't agree with them more (crowd: crickets)."

Then, panicking, hurriedly trying to extricate himself from the inextricable verbal maze, McCain insults the rest of the country with a Palin's "Real America"/Pfotenhauer's "Real Virginia" sort of zeal.

"I couldn't disagree . . . with you . . . I couldn't agree with you more . . . then the fact . . . that Western Pennsylvania is the most patriotic, most, ah, god-loving, most . . . most patriotic part of America . . . eh . . . this is a great part of the country."

Ben Smith at Politico is disappointed: "And here I was thinking that that was Park Slope."

I voice similar disappointment that Long Island allegedly didn't make McCain's short list of most holy American sites.

Finally, Cindy McCain and her physical equanimity which has to belie the insanity welling within. Her frozen face is priceless next to McCain's tongue winding in knots - like she's thinking "get it together, old man. For f**k's sake. I'm a beer heiress, you dumb dustmuppet. I deserve the whitest house. You think I bumped uglies with your wrinkled sack all these years for the thrill of the hump? I get nothing for rollin' your old bones? I will wet-ride Todd Palin out of spite on national television, I sh*t you not."

Even Sarah Palin Seeks Distance From GOP Wench Bachmann

From CBS News:

Asked for her reaction to Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann’s recent suggestion that the media should investigate members of Congress who may hold “un-American” views, Palin didn’t hesitate.

"Well, that's quite subjective," she said. "I would think that anyone running and wanting to serve in Congress is quite pro-America. You know, that is the mission, to better this country. So I would question what the intent of that would be."

I agree with Sarah Palin????? Tonight's forecast is surprisingly cooler with temperatures decreasing over night in Hell.

The Partisan Succubus!

Welcome To Palin-Phone! If You Know The Name Of The Non-Muslim Candidate You're Voting For . . . Press One!!!!

In the middle of Dancing With The Stars, Governor Sarah Palin interrupts hard-working Americans with the soothing twang of her not-even-close-to grating voice.

She first attempted to tape a robocall without script or guidance, but the initial recording was deemed "slightly discursive":

In what respect, Americans . . . I mean . . . Also I'm sayin' hiya, as a maverick, and, um, a mom lovin' hockey, just mixin' it up, or also called as you know, where does Putin go, I mean Hockey moms and Joe Six-Packs, this is President Pal . . . I mean . . . Governor Sarah Palin, reformer sayin' thanks but no thanks on the bridges to nowhere, but also about job creation. Me and John McCain, Joe the Plumber, say it ain't so Joe . . . the Plumber and six-packs, are going to shake things up, c'mon, guys and gals, whaddya expect from a team of mavericks, we're mavericks, he can't wait until I get to that capital and also the other states, real America, not liberal elite media - playin' goooootcha reportin' - cause we ain't speakin' to their questions, you betcha. I wish sometimes that our opponent would say he's a muslim or calls terrorists his bestest of friends, also that America should win. Obama worked closely with Ayers to . . .I mean who, to bomb America and kill innocent civilians. Vote for us and I have a gay friend. Drill baby drill and such.

Palin in 2012

Goin' fishing . . . for votes in 2012 . . . you betcha!

Fred Barnes inventories the Reagan-esque skills making Governor Sarah Palin the brightest rising star of the Republican Party beyond the 2008 election even if Obama should triumph:

But Palin does have a few of Reagan's skills. Reagan used to say that having been an actor often came in handy in politics. Palin tosses off corny lines like "Say it ain't so, Joe," the one she ad-libbed in her debate with Joe Biden. She knows how to speed to the end of a sentence when a burst of applause is coming. She's adept at accentuating a point--for instance, the "news flash" for the media in her convention speech. She can act. And of course she winks.

Barnes chronicles quite a skill-set for the prototypical GOP leader of the future - winks, corny lines, acting, talking faster - as the Republicans sloooooooooooooooooooooowly transition towards a meritocracy.

A brilliant smile and creation of little starbursts that scream through American televisions and flutter around folks' living rooms like magical fairies remain optional.

McCain-Palin Remains In The Crack Of America's Ass

I received the following email this morning from McCain-Palin (apparently there are traitors among us, anti-American elements in our midst, signing me up on Republican mailing lists. I'm suspending my campaign to hunt down these cyber terrorists. GOP succubus Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann is a person of interest):

I'm Joe the Plumber
Monday, October 20, 2008 12:08 PM
From:
"McCain-Palin Team" Add sender to Contacts
To: dqpotatoe@hotmail.com

How are you "Joe the Plumber"?Tell us in 30 seconds...

We want you to tell us how you are "Joe the Plumber" and why you're supporting John McCain and Sarah Palin in thirty seconds. You could even see your video as an official McCain TV ad. By now, "Joe the Plumber" is a household name and has become a symbol of Barack Obama's plan to "spread the wealth around." During a recent campaign event in Toledo, Ohio, "Joe the Plumber" asked a simple question and got a surprising answer from the Democratic nominee.

When he asked why Barack Obama's tax plan was going to punish him for working hard and living the American Dream, Barack Obama responded, "When you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

In that brief exchange, the American people got to see what this campaign is all about ... a choice between honoring the hard work of everyday Americans like "Joe the Plumber" and increasing taxes to "spread the wealth."

In these tough economic times, there is no doubt that John McCain and Sarah Palin stand firmly on the side of hardworking "everyday Joes" who understand the value of honest work and the American Dream. That's why we want to hear from you and share your story with the American public. It's simple ... make an ad telling us why you are "Joe the Plumber" in 30 seconds and we'll put the best ad on the air as a TV ad. Share your story of living the American Dream, working hard, or owning a small business to tell America why you're standing with John McCain and Sarah Palin. Click here today to learn more and submit your video before Friday, October 24th. Then help us spread the word about this exciting opportunity - tell your friends to visit JohnMcCain.com/Joe to submit their own video and share their story.

Please visit this page if you want to remove yourself from the email list.
Paid for by McCain-Palin 2008

*******

How am I "Joe the Plumber?????" Well, let's see - neither of us are licensed to work as a plumber. Neither of us are about to buy a plumbing business worth $250,000 or more. And neither of us like paying taxes (though there's a stark difference between us: I actually pay my taxes, whereas Joe faces a $1000 plus lien for back taxes. What a patriot! Criminal disobedience!).

How am I not like "Joe the Plumber?????" I have hair. I resist transforming into a glam-whore at the first sniff of media attention. Oh, and I go by my real first name.

So "Sam" the Plumber asked Barack Obama a "simple question and got a suprising answer": "When you spread the wealth around, it is good for everybody."

Does anyone honestly disagree with any part of this statement, even those of the uncompromising free market ilk? We are all capitalists (no matter what McCain-Palin would have you believe). We all respect ownership, free alienation of land, the opportunity of investment, competition and growth. And, sorry to break it to you, we are all socialists to a certain extent, accepting the benefits of social security, welfare, medicare, airline bailouts, financial sector bailouts, public transportation, human services, emergency services, etc. We grouse about higher taxes, but have no problem reaping the daily harvest.

Despite the rah-rah speeches on the stump, our current economy and the markets that drive it are hybrid forms that seek a seamless synergy of both the capitalist and socialist model. Don't worry, Republicans: it's not European socialism. Don't worry, Democrats: it's not the economic lotusland told around the Republican campfire either.

A suprising answer proffered by Obama? "Spread the wealth around?" As opposed to hoarding all of the wealth in the grubby hands of a few monocled fat cats - you know, Johnny Eight-Houses or Cindy My-Earrings-Could-Feed-Your-Family-For-A-Year - which has been a super sweet boon for our country's economic stability as recent events have shown.

Don't worry, Joe the taxpayer - AIG knows what to do with your money. Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!

Trickle-Down Economics doesn't work if you bury almost everyone below the basin, then let them die of thirst:

In the United States, wealth is highly concentrated in a relatively few hands. As of 2001, the top 1% of households (the upper class) owned 33.4% of all privately held wealth, and the next 19% (the managerial, professional, and small business stratum) had 51%, which means that just 20% of the people owned a remarkable 84%, leaving only 16% of the wealth for the bottom 80% (wage and salary workers).

And if McCain-Palin had a longer attention span than the average eight-year-old and provided a modicum of context instead of one strategic sentence out of one hundred sentences, they would realize that Barack Obama makes sense, Barack Obama is not going to steal your money to finance his "anti-American" agenda and that pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is impossible if you don't have bootstraps. You would realize that Obama' entire response to plumbers across America was unmitigated brilliance and one of his finest moments of the campaign:

Because my attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody. If you've got a plumbing business, you're gonna be better off if you've got a whole bunch of customers who can afford to hire you. And right now, everybody's so pinched that business is bad for everybody. And I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody. But, listen, I respect what you do and I respect your question. And even if I don't get your vote, I'm still gonna be working hard on your behalf 'cause I want to make sure … small businesses are what creates jobs in this country and I want to encourage it. All right. (applause) One other thing I didn't mention. For small-business people, I'm gonna eliminate the capital gains tax, so what it means is if your business succeeds and let's say you take it from a $250,000 business to a $500,000 business, that capital gains that you get, we're not gonna tax you on it 'cause I want you to grow more so you're actually going … you may end up … I'd have to look at your particular business but you might end up paying lower taxes under my plan and my approach than under John McCain's plan. I can't guarantee that 'cause I'd have to take a look at your business.

No one gives a damn about Joe/Sam the Plumber, Bill Ayers, Charles Keating, Reverend Wright, Reverend Hagee or G. Gordon Liddy. They care about keeping their jobs, providing for their families, receiving affordable and quality healthcare and working towards their retirement.

Salubrity At Issue

Take it or leave it as "in the tank" liberal drivel, but the New York Times will publish an in-depth analysis on the physical health of both Barack Obama and John McCain in tomorrow's print edition. Reportedly, one of the more alarming findings explores John McCain's skin cancer and the opinion of some medical experts that believe it was diagnosed at a more advanced stage than indicated by McCain's campaign.

If the Ayers connection is a relevant topic in McCain's estimation, certainly McCain's health is worthy of conversation - especially with novice Sarah Palin in waiting. The former issue weighs on Obama's past ability to make judgments of character. The latter weighs on McCain's future ability to serve as President.

"Breast of Fresh Air" - UPDATE

Williamsburg radio weighs in on the debate over the debate:

From "The Club Of Disaffection" Into The Light

Jonathan Martin of Politico reports:

John Dowd, Cindy McCain's attorney, complained in a letter to New York Times editor Bill Keller earlier this month that the paper had scrutinized the GOP nominee's wife but not investigated matters surrounding Barack Obama including his youthful drug use."You have not tried to find Barack Obama's drug dealer that he wrote about in his book, Dreams of My Father," Dowd wrote in a two-page letter sent to Keller while the paper was reporting a piece about Cindy McCain.

The McCain campaign released the missive late Friday night in response to that story, to be published in the paper's Saturday edition. It's the first time anybody so closely associated with McCain has raised the issue. Continuing the campaign's drumbeat of criticism against the Times, Dowd wrote on October 1st that the paper was not covering the two candidates equally.

In addition to the reference to Obama's "drug dealer," Dowd notes that the Times also has not "interviewed his poor relatives in Kenya and determined why Barack Obama has not rescued them."

At age 33, Barack Obama took a year off after law school to pen Dreams of My Father, a personal memoir about his pedigree as son of a black African father and a white American mother. With stark openness, Obama concedes the underpinnings of a shiftless youth and experimentation with drugs:

"I blew a few smoke rings, remembering those years. Pot had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow when you could afford it. Not smack, though . . ."

Obama couched his normal transience through teenage trial-and-error in terms of race and insecurity:

"Junkie. Pothead. That's where I'd been headed: the final, fatal role of the young would-be black man . . . Except the highs hadn't been about that, me trying to prove what a down brother I was. Not by then, anyway. I got high for just the opposite effect, something that could push questions of who I was out of my mind, something that could flatten out the landscape of my heart, blur the edges of my memory. I had discovered that it didn't make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate's sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you'd met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. ... You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection."

Obama also stated the leisurely use of drugs as an adolescent was a product of stereotypes (trying to be a "tough young man") and regretful ("The choices were misguided. A serious mistake").

When confronted about his erstwhile flirtation with drugs while campaigning for the United States Senate in 2003, Obama responded that it had been 20 years since his last dalliance with illegal substances.

McCain-Palin incessantly ask "who is Barack Obama?" Perhaps they should read books instead of removing them from libraries (sorry - I meant instead of generally hypothesizing with the public librarian about the potential responses to a fictitious mandate speculatively handed down to remove books for argument's sake. You know, just playing devil's advocate). Dreams of My Father and The Audacity of Hope contain 403 and 375 pages respectively. That might be a good jumping-off point to get to know him.

Has there ever been a more vetted, battle-tested candidate in the history of elections than Barack Obama? After almost two years of the most insufferable campaigning, he continues to succeed.

And the remarkable thing is he is not a Teflon candidate: Everything they throw at him sticks. People just don't give a damn.

ACORN: Mickey Mouse To Vote Come November!

And Disney characters flock to Ohio to exercise the grand old privilege of being a Cartoon-American, backed by the United States Supreme Court.

When asked for reaction, Sarah Palin stated ". . ." Hahahaha, I'm kidding - everyone knows you can't ask Sarah Palin questions.