The GOP Parasite

Shows the districts that voted more Republican this election cycle than in 2004. Fascinating. Writes the epilogue of the McCain-Palin ticket. The two-week march of "spread the wealth" bogyphobia (which most conservative pundits lauded as McCain getting back on message) fell on nationally deaf ears. Apparently "Fake Americans" weren't the only ones who found the ubiquitous presence of the deplorably dense Joe the Plumber on par with scrapes of a metal fork against a ceramic plate.

More significantly, fear mongering and encrypted race-baiting still plays and plays well along the Appalachian Trail into Tornado Alley. Perhaps this election distilled the toxic elements from the Republican Party. Perhaps pure conservatism will rise out of the tenuous pastiche of disparate elements once Scotch-taped together by Karl Rove. Perhaps fiscal conservatives, libertarians, populists and open-minded moralists will coalesce and offer new, promising ideas in 2012.

Ronald Reagan once defined conservatism: If you analyze it I believe the very heart and soul of conservatism is libertarianism. I think conservatism is really a misnomer just as liberalism is a misnomer for the liberals -- if we were back in the days of the Revolution, so-called conservatives today would be the Liberals and the liberals would be the Tories. The basis of conservatism is a desire for less government interference or less centralized authority or more individual freedom and this is a pretty general description also of what libertarianism is

Less government interference. Less centralized authority. More individual freedom. These are principles that many of us could get behind. But for the Republican Party of the past decade, these values are puffed up and marketed with no movable inventory on the sales floor. They gather dust in the partisan stock room. We've been waiting for the offer of merchantable goods by the GOP longer than Guns N' Roses's Chinese Democracy.

For me, for my vote, a purging of the Neocons and inexorable religious fundamentalists is a good place to start. If that's too big a step today, how about some restraints on the ceaseless pandering to unbridled prejudice and bigotry masquerading around the back country as moral piety.

A Final Note to John McCain

Dear Senator McCain:

My name is Patrick Bateman, and I work here in New York in Mergers and Acquisitions. I live at the American Gardens building on the Upper West Side, and I enjoy feeding stray cats to ATM machines.

The reason why I write today is to laud you and encourage you. Yes, that's correct. You see, I have hurled muck from this bully pulpit for a few weeks - at you, at Governor Palin (that won't stop) and at your party for its fearmongering and duplicity (likely ditto). But I will sling no more mud at your feet, Senator. Your journey is done. You have come many miles and it is time for you to have a well deserved rest - and a little bit of appreciation and understanding from this commentator.

So I write today to congratulate you, sir, on your concession speech last evening. It was one of the finest I have ever heard, and perhaps the most inspiring speech I personally have ever heard you give, Senator. It was conciliatory and supportive and you curtly cut down the negative elements in your crowd and commanded their attention, respect and that they keep their demonstrations of support positive.

I wish that your campaign had been more like your speech last night - but then again, if it had been, I think you would have been a more formidable opponent, and so perhaps I take that back. But last night, a glimmer of the man that many of us felt was a beacon of hope in the GOP years ago showed through. In your commendable address, to borrow a bit of the Star Wars comparison used by WAP in his post last night, I started to believe you were Darth Vader. You were seduced by the Dark Side of your party into compromising the ideals you once stood for in exchange for the ultimate Prize. But last night, as the final battle came to its then-inevitable conclusion, you were - as in the end of the Trilogy - redeemed. The Empire was defeated, but Anakin Skywalker, a good and decent man who simply chose the quick and easy path and got lost along the way, was given a second chance to do the right thing. I think that in losing, you, like Anakin, can reclaim your soul. In fact, I believe you will.

You have a job to do - you are still a Senator of the State of Arizona. You return to a Senate that is in need of a steady hand and leadership from both sides of the aisle to do what is necessary now in these troubled times. Let the light continue to shine through. Once it surrounded you and it is not too late for its return. It is never too late to reclaim the man you used to - a paradigm of what a politician should strive to be. The shackles of evil are off. You are unbound and free to return to Straight Talk and reason, moderation and cooperation.

We have serious problems and we need serious people to solve them. You were once one of these men. You could be again. In defeat, prevail. I have faith that this, your darkest hour, might too be the moment you turn it all around. This liberal is behind you, John. Be part of our new world. There is room for you to lead yet.

Sincerely,
Patrick Bateman
McCain Supporter 1999-2000

GOP Boogeyman Du Jour: Zeituni Onyango

The right-wing blogosphere buzzes with today's RNC entry into the Obama character association royal rumble: "Ladies and gentlemen, entering the ring right now, weighing in at 103 pounds, hailing from Nairobi, Kenya, now fighting out of Boston, Massachusetts illegally, Barack Obama's deceased father's half-sister, "Auntie" Zeituni Onyango.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't with the fading-fast Rovian Empire. First, stop "pallin' around" with people. Then, start pallin' around with people. It's enough to make a guy stop running for president. But not this guy. And not this election.

So, what do you need to know? Can Auntie Z stop the foreclosure sale of my home? Does anyone in the Onyango family have a contact at Kaiser Permanente so I can get some damn health care? Is she a Muslim too like Barack Hussein Obama? Can someone please interview Victoria Jackson again (Hannity - you have a professional obligation to get VJ into the studio and push her for answers).

As reported by the New York Times, Auntie Onyango currently resides in Boston in public housing four years after an immigration judge denied her request for asylum. As mentioned, Onyango is the half-sister of Obama's deceased, estranged father. The Obama campaign stated Barack and Auntie Z encountered each other on a handful of occasions since 1992 when he traveled back to Kenya (where he was born of course - why else would he visit Kenya?). Their last communication occurred two years ago when Obama learned that she was currently living in Boston.

Today, the Obama campaign returned the $260 Onyango donated to the campaign in tiny increments upon learning of her illegal status within the United States.

For the storm troopers of the Rovian Empire, this means everything! From one of Hugh Hewitt's suckling pups:

So let me get this straight. Millionaire Obama doesn't use his wealth to help his poor illegal alien Aunt get out of public housing, but if I complain about Obama wanting to raise my taxes to 'spread the wealth around' I'm the selfish one?

No. If you're making below $250,000, you shouldn't complain about it, unless you were already grousing under the current Bush tax regime, because you will not incur a tax increase. That's 95% of you. For the other 5%, you can bellyache a bit, but Obama only asks for a 2% increase on your current federal rate.

Amazing! I flipped us back to the issues. That never happens!

By the way, instead of blithering about socialism, spreading the wealth, redistribution and this minute's "Real American" hero (I hear Tommy the Boxcar Hobo is on deck), why don't you visit this link during a fleeting moment of repose when a yearning to entertain serious conversation comes over you: http://www.barackobama.com/taxes/.

Race To The Bottom

Shameful, though at this point "shameful" has become a platitude when it comes to the RNC's surrogates' ground efforts:
Don't worry - it only circulated to 70,000 residents in Hernando County, Florida. The front organization here is the generically named "Concerned Citizens of America," not registered with the state of Florida as a political action committee.

I feel the "Concerned Citizens of Real America" would have been more apropos.

Change I Can Believe In. Finally.

Okay, so this not national news - it's personal news - but since it is election related, I will share it with this forum.

This morning, I arose early to a stormy day here in Boise. After doing my morning chores on the organic farm, I decided to get a workout in at the local high school gym. On the television in the background was Senator Obama's speech from yesterday in Pittsburgh. It was closed captioned (as the GNR was blasting for the high school kids getting pumped for Friday night's homecoming football game) so I could watch and listen to my Ipod at the same time.

And, early this morning, it happened. A switch was flipped. I started to believe.

Pat Bateman is a liberal, but he is not someone who often believes in people. Ideas are dandy, and I'll vote generally for the person who supports as many of my ideas as possible. Usually that's a Democrat, but not always. But mostly. Still, generally I cast a vote for that person but keep a skeptical eye. After all, it is politics. I vote ideas and rarely candidates. The more invested you become in a person rather than an idea, the more you are let down when you learn that person whom you have placed on a pedestal has feet of clay.

That is why it's been almost staggering to watch, largely from the sidelines, the mania that has followed Senator Obama's campaign. It has been like a old time Southern church revival service. People swoon over him. People believe in him like a messiah come to deliver us. And that part I couldn't figure out, because that's simply not how I am generally constructed as a person. Ideas, flawless; people, generally not. I believe in ideas. Rarely in people.

I have supported Senator Obama from the moment he became the presumptive Democratic nominee. I liked his gravitas. I liked most of his ideas. I especially liked that it looked like he could win. But until this morning, I didn't "believe."

But this morning, for some reason, my Ipod kept coming back to inspirational tunes and I kept turning back to the gym television to watch him. I read his words (I had already seen the speech, but reading the words and seeing his poise again, maybe everything just clicked). And, suddenly, despite the lingering clouds and rain outside - both literally and metaphorically - my disposition started to get sunnier. What was this thing happening to my face? Was this a... smile?

I'm a cynic at heart and a skeptic by nature. Life will teach you this lesson if your eyes are remotely open. But suddenly, as if my Ipod was programmed to dovetail with his speech, "Going the Distance" from the original Rocky came on as he reached a crescendo. And, in that moment, it happened. I could feel the change. I became a believer. I went from an ideological supporter (and intense hater of what the GOP has become) to someone emotionally invested in THIS person, not just the defeat of the policies of the last eight years.

And suddenly, as if I suddenly understood something I already knew factually, it also became crystal clear why John McCain cannot, and will not, win this election. Because his supporters don't believe. The base of the Republican party turned out to support George Bush, believing it a "moral imperative" to do so. But even with You Betcha! on the ticket, they still just can't rally that same hysteria this time around.

But Obama's supporters can. There is a religious fervor to their support that is simply indefatigable. No matter what is thrown at him, both he and they brush it off. He has deflected any slings and whatever arrows the GOP has mustered and come through it. As the Democrats found out in 2004, you cannot genetically engineer enthusiasm. The Republicans are now learning this lesson when their own strategy of using enthusiasm and energy as a voting tool is turned against them.

The amazing thing about this is that it is the "elitist Ivory tower" set that is dancing in the aisles for Obama. The Godless sodomites. The shiftless union laborers. The abortionists. Everyone, essentially, who mocks Conservatives, especially Evangelicals, for "faith based" voting. It is these folks who now are voting their hearts and see this election as a "calling" - perhaps not from God, but certainly from something collectively bigger than any of us individually.

Well, I was on the outside looking in until this morning. A supporter, without question. But not invested. Count this Elitist as having the ice melted on his cold, black heart. I'm invested now. Change is coming... and I finally, truly, believe it.

The "Anti-Elitist" Drag

Christopher Hitchens makes it know he is, um, a "bit displeased" at the selection of Governor Palin and her stunted views on scientific knowledge:

"This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured. And those who prate of spiritual warfare and demons are not just "people of faith" but theocratic bullies. On Nov. 4, anyone who cares for the Constitution has a clear duty to repudiate this wickedness and stupidity."

Hitchens refers to this race towards the intellectual bottom as the "GOP ticket's appalling contempt for knowledge and learning."

Despite the Anti-Elite, we've still come a long way in terms of scientific advancement since God created the earth 6,000 years ago. Cut them some slack, Hitch.

GOP Gigolo Hugh Hewitt Declares Bill Ayers An "Advisor" to Barack Obama

I'm pretty eager to get a good night's rest. But then the intellectual charlatans now practically running McCain's sputtering campaign just refuse to let me sleep.

Fine. Let's make this brief: Hugh Hewitt is a hebetudinous pig of a commentator and an out-and-out liar. After ignoring the white noise of standard GOP twaddle, my ears perk up as Hewitt offers this dirty fable on Hannity & Colmes: "I often hear in Barack Obama's rhetoric and especially in the rhetoric of some of his advisers Bill Ayers . . ." Pressed that Ayers is, of course, not an advisor to Barack Obama, Hewitt prattles on "he might not be an advisor this year . . . he has a 20 year relationship with Barack Obama."

Repugnant and typical. Even if Barack Obama is elected and elected by a sizable margin - ie., the empirics of a political mandate - GOP hitmen like Hewitt will never embrace him as President and will never accept a unified citizenry trying to work together despite ideological differences. The unthoughtful demagogues of dying Rovian conservatism will tear this country asunder for sh*ts and giggles.

Feigned torpidity, America - the righty hacks play dumb just long enough to stand corrected, but not before foisting their flimflam upon the audience and scoring points. Fortunately for the rest of us, everyone at Fox News or watching Fox News is either irredeemably in the Republican tank or playing watchdog to keep them honest. A forum for independent or undecided voters it is not.

Still, you say things enough times and the Orwellian dystopia emerges turning four fingers into five.

9 Days. Fight it. Earmuff it till the voting booth if you have to.

GOP Succubus Bachmann Says "I Have Sinnned" (Sort Of)

A penitent Michelle Bachmann releases a new campaign ad, now embroiled in a too-close-to-call Congressional race in Minnesota after asking the press to conduct an investigation into the anti-American views held by certain members of Congress and Barack Obama:



"We can embrace government as the answer for our problems, or we can choose freedom or liberty. I may not always get my words right, but I know that my heart is right. Because my heart is for you, for your children, and for the blessings of liberty to remain for our great country."

Not very contrite, Michelle. And I'd say it's style over substance if it had any style.

During the past eight years, have any words been more lightly tossed around or treated with more contempt and left for dead than "freedom" and "liberty." They've become the calling cards for government's failure.

"A word is elegy to what it signifies" - Robert Hass

I hope these once great words serve not as requiem of that already signified, but as the bright promise of future meaning yet to be denoted.

10 days. Vote.

Who's El Tinklenberg?

Who cares? He's trying to supplant GOP moll Michelle Bachmann, incumbent Congresswoman for the 6th District of Minnesota, arbiter of anti-Americanism, rumored to hate puppies and rainbows. That's all I need to know.

Here's Mr. Tinklenberg's new campaign ad using footage from Bachmann's calamitous performance on Hardball:




And here's where you can donate to El Tinklenberg's revived campaign (now polling 47% to Bachmann's 44%): http://www.tinklenberg08.com/.

El Tinklenberg is "rebuilding optimism in America." But mostly he's asking Minnesotans to let the door hit Bachmann on her way out!

Michelle Bachmann. Hates puppies. Hates rainbows. Not ready to lead. My name is Warm Apple Pie and I approve this message on behalf of El Tinklenberg.

"Vote McCain, Not Barack Hussein"

Conservative radio's new group-think perceives the feral left as much more virulent and hateful than the right despite the media elite's skewed vision of the campaign trail. The coterie of GOP pundits warns of a powder keg situation created by the left's never-ending quest to squash dissent and install their world view on the American people. They warn of violence in the wake of a McCain-Palin victory.

Really.

How many video clips can I post:



Yeah, you guys are the victims here. Cry me a river.

Palin to America: how does this 150k suit look on me, suckas!

You can't make this stuff up. Mostly because you don't have to:

Since her selection as John McCain's running mate, the Republican National Committee spent more than $150,000 on clothing and make-up for Gov. Sarah Palin, her husband, and even her infant son, it was reported on Tuesday evening.

Part of this was a $50k spree at Saks and a mind-bottling 70 large at Neiman Marcus. To put this in perspective, she spent $150,000 on clothes and makeup in TWO MONTHS. Remember the John Edwards $400 haircut flap?

Listen, the mainstream media is (or will be soon) all over this. This is not the story. The story needs no underscoring, jokes or hyperbole. It is what it is.

The STORY is this:

How, now, can you be a candidate for office and a Republican and not immediately repudiate your party platform and, specifically, its national candidates? If you toe the line, you are finished. You can no longer defend this campaign. If you are a Repub and have a prayer of being elected still, you should be out in front (ahead of the Dems) slinging mud at this story and at your candidates.

And yet I see none.

It's almost impressive, the sense of "we will all go down together"-ness you see from the GOP. If I were a GOP candidate within five points still of my opponent (are there even any? No, really, are there?), I would be on every talking head show I could book to talk about my disgust with this situation. I would out attack the Dems, frankly, because it is getting to the point that the only way a GOP candidate has a prayer is to be MORE vicious with their attacks on the GOP than the Democratic challenger. And yet, I see none of them doing this. Clearly they do not realize the time for self-preservation is now, and the only way for the GOP brand to survive is to have at least SOME people in office, no matter who they have to sling mud at to get there. Even if the mudslinging is at Sarah Palin's pretty new Saks pantsuits.

GOP Hussy Bachmann Administers My Crazy Pill Dosage, Denies "Anti-American" Statements Despite Video Evidence

Unconscionable.

I would have preferred she hire Barry Scheck to cast doubt on the authenticity of the footage from Chris Matthews's Hardball or question the chain of custody and the promulgated procedures for videotape handling over at MSNBC. Better yet, she could have denied she ever appeared on Matthews's program.

I mean - OJ's sell was only a bit less challenging and he got off. I don't think a clip of OJ doing the Heisman pose with Ron Goldman's head would have made a difference to that jury. And Bachmann follows suit, relying on Joe the Lazy Citizen's normal rejection of irrefutable facts verified by concrete visual or scientific evidence.

These deep-in-the-tank right wingers have no shame reflex. None at all. Unflinching cynics.

You have anti-American views, Michelle Bachmann. Let me repeat myself for firm posterity: Michelle Bachmann has anti-American views. Let me not mince words: Congresswoman Bachmann from Minnesota's Sixth District holds anti-American views. I'm not just concerned that she might possess these views - I'm stating that indeed she has them and she adheres to them.

I am Sidecar. I am of sound mind. I just said that sh*t. Please hold me accountable and assign me the position that Michelle Bachmann holds anti-American views until such time I abdicate this stance via an unambiguous retraction.

Gosh, I'd rather choke to death on these GOP-base crazy pills, than keep taking them for four more years. At least the DNC loons bottle crazy pills in gelatin-capsule form for much easier swallowing.

Even Sarah Palin Seeks Distance From GOP Wench Bachmann

From CBS News:

Asked for her reaction to Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann’s recent suggestion that the media should investigate members of Congress who may hold “un-American” views, Palin didn’t hesitate.

"Well, that's quite subjective," she said. "I would think that anyone running and wanting to serve in Congress is quite pro-America. You know, that is the mission, to better this country. So I would question what the intent of that would be."

I agree with Sarah Palin????? Tonight's forecast is surprisingly cooler with temperatures decreasing over night in Hell.

The Partisan Succubus!

Palin in 2012

Goin' fishing . . . for votes in 2012 . . . you betcha!

Fred Barnes inventories the Reagan-esque skills making Governor Sarah Palin the brightest rising star of the Republican Party beyond the 2008 election even if Obama should triumph:

But Palin does have a few of Reagan's skills. Reagan used to say that having been an actor often came in handy in politics. Palin tosses off corny lines like "Say it ain't so, Joe," the one she ad-libbed in her debate with Joe Biden. She knows how to speed to the end of a sentence when a burst of applause is coming. She's adept at accentuating a point--for instance, the "news flash" for the media in her convention speech. She can act. And of course she winks.

Barnes chronicles quite a skill-set for the prototypical GOP leader of the future - winks, corny lines, acting, talking faster - as the Republicans sloooooooooooooooooooooowly transition towards a meritocracy.

A brilliant smile and creation of little starbursts that scream through American televisions and flutter around folks' living rooms like magical fairies remain optional.