Barack Obama: At The Adult Table

I remember countless holidays where I was banished to the kiddie table - out of range of civilized discourse, relegated to making armpit farts and flicking boogers. Worse was the adult folk patronizing me with their disgusted glances, mortified that their scion could belch the alphabet.

Tonight, Obama shook his head with disapproving maturity. Tonight, John McCain made fart noises with his mouth.

"Ayers, ACORN, Ayers, ACORN, Ayers, ACORN, Ayers . . . my campaign is about the economy." Did that just happened???? It did. I almost did a spit-take (I haven't done a spit-take since Palin's explanation about Russia's proximity to her foreign policy experience.).

Tonight, McCain would have been better served with honest questions: "Health care plan? In what respect, Barry?"

The split screen did him no favors. At one point, my girlfriend equated McCain to Vincent D'Onofrio's bug character in "Men in Black." Without pause, I eagerly equated McCain's visage to Jeffy Goldblum's fly character in . . . well . . . "The Fly."

The point?: McCain's skin was thinner than soy paper, absolutely ineffective at shrouding the curmudgeon beast below ready to shed its apocryphal mask of gentility at first prodding. He was petulant, irascible and disconnected. He spouted fluff attacks in rapid-fire succession as if trying to eclipse a world record. It was a haphazard carpet bombing of a hunkered-down Obama, prepared for every twist and turn. Hell, even the much ballyhooed Bill Ayers reference seemed trite and tortured - almost as if McCain doesn't have a bone to pick with folks "pallin' around with terrorists" despite his previous message.

I thought Palin was the death knell for McCain. I was wrong - ask yourself this fundamental question and let it govern your vote: Over the past three months, which candidate demonstrated the consistency of character and a never-failing steadiness in the face of tough questions, tough issues, tough matters and tough world events?

Like I said before - vote the man in this election, not the ideology. Vote for an original leader, not for a partisan soundboard. Vote for the candidate who makes very clear in these three debates that your issues will always trump the petty squabbles of the Autumn election cycle.

Full disclosure: For the first time since I became voter eligible I have donated money to a presidential candidacy. After the second debate, I pulled out my American Express Elite-Yuppie-Intelligentsia-250k-per-year Gold Card (a platinum card is too fringe, too extreme, too Sheehan, just too elite) and authorized a $50 payment to Senator Obama.

Why? Because he's consistent. Because he's steady. And because for all the money I will pay in taxes (being in that upper 5% Barack never speaks to), it is a pittance compared to the potential economic loss I suffer without a job, health insurance and affordable education.

Laud the free market. We all do. But it cannot exist in a vacuum. And whether you are Joe Six-Pack, Joey Danko or Joe Plumber, Mikey Dollar Signs will be quick to interject that you cannot draw blood from a stone and you can't siphon taxes from zero dollars of income, no matter how high the rate.

In closing, yes I'm drunk. But sober enough to see that the "October surprise" is just how damn optimistic I am about a major party candidate less than three weeks from Election Day.

If Richard Lowry had little starbursts for Palin, then count me as flaming gay for Obama. My starbursts come with energy independence in a decade.

Lyin' Snakes on a Plane: Sarah Rocks the Rear!

Uh oh - Palin got off her leash and is milling about the back of the Straight Talk Air Express, pallin' around with the reporters, you know, Joe Six-Packs and Hockey Moms, not answerin' questions like you daggonit want me too also on that, a consummate maverick, a real maverick, gonna talk on that.

Here's a snippet from Governor Palin's press "avail" (not an announced press conference, but an impromptu visit by the Governor to the tail section of the aircraft where the "mainstream media elite" grovel for food scraps, mouth wash and bemoan their lack of access). Six weeks since her nomination and this is her first quasi-unscripted encounter with the press corps.

And, much to my delight, the unbridled She-Bush was in fine form.

On the Ayers-Obama connection, Palin prays for a "Deep Throat" to pull the lid off . . . er . . . . "friendswithterroristsgate" (what do you want, people! The McCain spinmeisters are running on fumes. The second choice was "BarackhusseinObamadoesterroristfistbumpswithsixtiesbombersgate." It was discarded as prolix):

There were times when I was playing vice presidential candidate where I felt . . . retarded. Like really retarded. In a weird way I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was ok to be stupid or dumb.

QUESTION: Governor, on the William Ayers issue, you've been bringing it up a lot. I'm curious, why do you think it's a pertinent argument to make right now? It was a long time ago, why is it pertinent?

A: It is pertinent, it's important because when you consider Barack Obama's reaction to and explanation to his association there, and without him being clear at all on what he knew and when he knew it, that I think kinda peaks into his ability to tell us the truth on, not only on association but perhaps other things also. So, it's relevant, I believe, and I brought it up in response to the New York Times article having been printed recently, and I think it just makes us ask the question that, if there's not forthrightness there, with that association and what was known and when it was known, does that lead us to ask, is there forthrightness with the plans Barack Obama has or say tax cuts, or spending increases, makes us question judgment. And I think it's fair and relevant.

QUESTION: (FOX) Are you going to continue to link Obama to Ayers with all of the economic problems going on?

A: Well, Americans are caring about the problems in the economy of course And wanting to know what those long term solutions are that our ticket can provide and what the other ticket is proposing so when you talk though about what it is that we are proposing and what it is that Barack Obama is proposing again it is relevant to connect that association that he has with Ayers--not so much he as a person Ayers, but the whole situation and the truthfulness and the judgment there that you must question if again he's not being forthright in all of his answers as to how did you know him, when did you know him, why would you continue to be associated with him!? It makes you wonder about the forthrightedness, the truthfulness of the plans that he is telling America in regards to the economic recovery because that is first and foremost on American's minds."

I'm neither a grammar Nazi, nor critical of most syntactical gaffes or dubious sentence structuring, but this woman positively mangles English. I think she's declared war on English. Either you are with her or you're with English. English: Wanted! - Dead or Alive. We will fight English over there, so English will not attack us over here.

All of us are dumber for having to endure these two months with Palin. I'm frankly glad she is cordoned off from the media so the American people are immunized from her contagion of stupidity. "Forthrightedness"????? For the love of elocution, c'mon Palin: "You went full retard. You never go full retard!"

One more savory nugget from the She-Bush (though this sobriquet may unfairly deride GW I must astonishingly admit). Responding to a question about her husband, Todd Palin (aka, the "first dude" as Greta affectionately gushes again and again, then again), agreeing to testify with respect to the Governor's allegedly improper removal of former Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan:

QUESTION: (NBC) Why did your husband decide to change his mind and return to Alaska and testify?

A: He's always been an open book about this whole Tasergate issue, wanting to speak with investigators, wanting to speak and is with attorneys, everybody involved. The personnel board in the state of Alaska is that board tasked with dealing with any issue involving the governor, the lieutenant governor, or the attorney general.

What the investigation turned into, led by a Senate Democrat, has been kind of a goat rope, a very partisan and very controversial type of investigation. The personnel board Todd's corroborating with, as long as all the other employees too have an opportunity to cooperate with.

It's an open book. Nobody has anything to hide. Nobody's done anything wrong. My choice, and my responsibility to replace a cabinet member, an at-will exempt political appointment whom I did replace, because his strengths were in other areas. It wasn't in running an entire department. There was some, some duties there that he was not able to fulfill.
So my choice, my responsibility had nothing to do with my husband or any of my staff members asking a guy to step aside and take another job, and he didn't want to take that other job.

In fairness, this is a relatively coherent response and only a true master of winsome folksiness can drop a Cracker Barrel Old Country Store and Restaurant idiom like "goat rope" and make you feel just cheery about political corruption and improper influence. Had to see what the web yields on "goat rope." Ah, "a situation that has become completely f**ked up."

Understood Sarah. Let's hope this Republican goat rope severs on November 4.

And to quote some more down-home, firepit-cooking wisdom: Sarah, you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Posted by Warm Apple Pie.