Thanks, But No Thanks, On That Endorsement To Nowhere

Well, you knew it would happen. In the throes of the 72-hour push campaign from McCain-Palin and the RNC, a ominous voice chimes in to alter the course of this race. Shades of 2004 when terror beset the country and paralyzed John Kerry's supporters on the eve of the election.

He hates our freedom and liberty. Hates our Constitution. Hates that the . . . Democrats occupy his holy land. It's Osama Bin Cheney:



Oh my God! He's back! Your "November Surprise."

Cheney really pitching in, trying to swing the pendulum in the hotly contested battleground state of . . . Wyoming . . . and its highly coveted 3 electoral votes. The scuttlebutt is Cheney will hold a rally for McCain-Palin deep inside an abandoned mine in southern Idaho around 2 a.m., followed by a quick jaunt to Utah to conduct a press avail before sunrise in front of a group of home-schooled children locked inside the basement of a dismantled iron smelting plant. Cheney will then return to his subterranean lair beneath Washington D.C. to enjoy Fox News' election coverage, eager to discover who will be the next puppet-president under his supervision.

***UPDATE***: Barack Obama comments on Dick Cheney's timely endorsement of John McCain:

President Bush is sitting out the last few days before the election. But earlier today, Dick Cheney came out of his undisclosed location and hit the campaign trail. He said that he is, and I quote, "delighted to support John McCain."

So George Bush may be in an undisclosed location, but Dick Cheney's out there on the campaign trail because he'd be delighted to pass the baton to John McCain. He knows that with John McCain you get a twofer: George Bush's economic policy and Dick Cheney's foreign policy – but that's a risk we cannot afford to take.

In response, after giving a brief stump speech on McCain's behalf to the crew of a cargo ship off the coast of Nova Scotia, a red-faced Vice President Cheney exploded to his security detail, "Bring Obama to me!!!!!!!!!!!! Alive, if possible. Dead? Just as good." With the entire ship frozen with bewilderment, Cheney suddenly unsheathed a large umbrella, shed its nylon skin revealing whirling blades, and helicoptered off the deck of the vessel, cackling loudly.

***UPDATE***: To add insult to injury, Dick Cheney's hometown Wyoming newspaper endorses Barack Obama for President of the United States. That's got to smart a bit.

The View . . . Of Stupidity

Nails on a chalkboard:



Thanks for breathing life back into a big RNC boo-boo no one was talking about anymore. And thanks for that gender-baiting frosting to cap off your stupid cake. Delish!

With friends like Elisabeth Hasselbeck . . .

***UPDATE***: Thought the resurrection of "fasion-gate" (hahaha) was a bit odd. Apparently, the move did not come down from on high. CNN reports:

A senior adviser to John McCain told CNN's Dana Bash that the comments about her wardrobe "were not the remarks we sent to her plane this morning." Palin did not discuss the wardrobe story at her rally in Kissimmee later in the day.

But in Tampa, Palin happily broached the clothing issue after being introduced by "The View" co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who accused Palin's opponents of being "fixated on her wardrobe" and "deliberately sexist."

That opened the door for Palin to weigh in on a topic that has frustrated the candidate and her advisers since the story first broke five days ago.

"This whole thing with the wardrobe, you know I have tried to just ignore it because it is so ridiculous, but I am glad now that Elisabeth brought it up, cause it gives me an opportunity without the filter of the media to get to tell you the whole clothes thing," she said.

"Those clothes, they are not my property. Just like the lighting and the staging and everything else that the RNC purchased, I'm not taking them with me. I am back to wearing my own clothes from my favorite consignment shop in Anchorage, Alaska. You'd think — not that I would even have to address the issue because, as Elisabeth is suggesting, the double standard here it's — gosh, we don't even want to waste our time."

Ah, I see the "brains" portion of the Republican Party is taking the reins. Excellent. Look forward to your next bulletin. That Obama was born in Kenya story might have some legs. Just pitching in.

ACORN: Ghost Stories for GOP Kiddies. Boooo!

To have standing to sue an individual and bring them into the court room, you, the plaintiff, must present an injury. Without injury, without a showing of damages or a theory of damages, the court has better things to do then adjudicate a case where the plaintiff is not entitled to relief.

The RNC is such a plaintiff when it comes to the ACORN pseudo-scandal. The chimeras of conservative moppets' nightmares - eg., a leftist Mickey Mouse primed to vote Obama - currently reside where they should remain: in dreams.

In the words of Barack Obama, "um . . . so . . . just to be clear" voter registration fraud does not bear fruits of voter fraud on November 4. As such, the Republicans cannot show injury. They cannot show damages.

Case closed . . . but of course it's not - since you hardened, righty, Kool-Aid chugging prick masters cannot stop pushing this lark or generally shut your pie holes. Sigh, let's play it out once again.

We revisit Disney and Mickey Mouse's indefatigable quest to vote for Obama: So the registration card filled out by "Mickey Mouse" is handed to representatives at ACORN from the ACORN canvasser (ie., by the way, just for a visual, Micky is a filthy hobo who stinks of Jack Daniels and rides the rails out past Toledo and is approached by an ACORN canvasser/pederast/check-kiter paid as an independent contractor based on the number of cards she submits. Make them black too, Neocons. Make it terrifying.).

If the card is suspicious, it is segregated from the stack of patently valid registration cards. Sometimes, the representative misses a suspicious card because she is working quickly, or is snorting Colombian bam-bam, or absolutely loves Obama. It really doesn't matter - for both the suspicious pile and verified pile are sent to the Election Board for review.

Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE LAW! ACORN is required to submit all registration cards it collects and stamps with its seal. Why? So that the Election Board can keep tabs on voter drives, provide ethical standards and confirm that the voting rolls are in order with the registration cards.

But Warm Apple Pie - what if the Board lets a suspicious card slip through and Mickey Mouse becomes listed on the voter rolls. Oh my god, does fraud win? Republican children huddle close! Fraud!!!! Boooooooooo!!!!!!

Um, no. Though Mickey Mouse is now registered to vote, there is no Mickey Mouse (sorry kids - there's no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny either. However, hobgoblin Dick Cheney is very real and will spray you with buckshot from his spectral shotgun if you don't pray for the destruction of Iran each evening).

Wait! What about the filthy hobo who filled out the card? He may try to vote as Mickey. Presto! Voter fraud. Fraud, GOP children. Fraud!!!!! Boooooooooooooooooo!

Um, no. The filthy hobo, Mickey Mouse, even Sarah Palin cannot vote without presenting a valid form of identification to the election monitor for authentication before signing the voter roll and before entering the voting booth. Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE LAW.

Okay, okay Warm Apple Pie. But playing along with me just to . . . GOP children? What are you doing? . . . oh my god . . . where did you get that Obama placard . . . stop waiving it . . . there is no change we can believe in . . . sit down children . . . Trig, you too - why are you watching the Couric interview again . . . behave!

Er, so play along with me. Let's say all of these fail safes . . . well . . . fail and the filthy hobo eludes detection and gets into the voting booth. I mean humans are fallible and at least half of the monitors are human (the other half are Democrats). I'm sure a ton of fraudulent votes are cast by misanthropes each election. Countless. Probably hundreds of thousands of these miscreants trolling the election sites. Maybe a million. Who knows?

Twenty. From 2002 to 2005 only 20 people were determined guilty of ineligible voting (and only five of these twenty were found to have voted more than once).

Sleep easy, GOP children. May visions of tax credits for sugar plum purchases dance in your heads.

* * * * *

ACORN is pure Republican hokum used solely to work the base into a heaving swell of stupidity and enlarge the ever-growing gaggle of phantasmal boogiemen conjured up by McCain-Palin this Fall. Maybe it's meant to simply hurt my ears.

It's viable for eighteen more days, as is the right-wing cacophony.