Obama leads 60% - 39% in Early Voting, McCain Scoffs

According to a Washington Post/ABC News tracking poll, early voting yields a big lead for Barack Obama. Ballots have been casted by an estimated 9% of the electorate with a projected 34% committed to getting out the vote before November 4.

When asked to respond to this latest setback, John McCain snorted, "look, I don't believe in polls or voting statistics or election results. I'm going to be President of the United States. I'm listening to my lawyers now. I'm not saying anything more. Come on, campaign staff! Back to the plane!"

An awkward moment ensued as McCain looked around and saw no staffers by his side. A reporter than asked, "Senator McCain, are you aware of the ABC News article describing the state of your campaign as 'demoralizing' and noting many of your staffers are already circulating their resumes looking for new work?"

McCain issued an ineffable grunting noise and then bursted, "F**K YOU PALIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to rip off your head and piss down your dead skull, reporter. You f**ked with the wrong marine!!!!!" After being restrained by secret service and placated, McCain slogged across the tarmac towards his aircraft grumbling under his breath, "ACORN, Ayers, Wright, Socialists, Marxists, Rezko, spread wealth, black, Arab, Muslim, radical, risky, abortionist, sex ed to kindergartners, f**k you Obama."

I'm just a humble professional chess player from Appleton, Wisconsin, but my simple antenna picks up bad, foreboding news for John McCain.

I Learned A New Word Today: "Outlier"

An "outlier" denotes an empirical result on the margins that most statisticians discard as unreliable or anomalous.

With a cascade of polls showing Barack Obama separating from John McCain, scratching if not realizing a double-digit lead, I was intrigued by the AP-GFK poll released this week showing a virtual dead heat: Obama - 44%, McCain - 43%.

Pollster John Zogby (fingering Obama's lead at 10 points) decries the new poll as a sloppy "outlier," deficient in accounting for a massive surge in college-age voters flocking to the polls this election season.

But for you cocksure Democrats out there, already putting the champagne on ice for your Obama victory celebration, Zogby concedes things remain fluid and forewarns: "anything can happen."

Is It Time For The Nuclear Option: Reverend Wright

The game is getting away from John McCain as Obama opens up a double-digit margin in some polls. Ayers, Joe the Plumber, Muslim, Socialism, pallin' around with Ayers, wealth redistribution, worked closely with Ayers, ACORN, Barack Hussein Obama, "Arab fear," anti-American, inexperience, some more Ayers, texts with Scarlett Johansson - nothing sticks to the Teflon Democrat, or everything sticks, but the folks are too busy licking their personal financial wounds to give a rat's ass.

13 days until the election, not to mention early voting has begun in many states (with a reportedly strong turnout by the Democrats).

What's an old Navy man to do in desperate times with bilge water rising?

Desperate measures.

"My friends . . . LOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!! BEHOLD!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS LUNATIC!!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!:




Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. JESUS CHRIST!!!!! Can I get that ballot back!?!?! Yes, yes, YES - I WANT TO CHANGE MY F**KING VOTE!!!!! YOU HEARD ME - GIMME THE DAMN BALLOT BACK!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH, PLEASE LET ME VOTE FOR MCCAIN!!!!! PLEASE!!!! I WANT MCCAIN!!! OH CHRIST, PLEASE GIVE ME THE BALLOT BACK YOU BASTARD!!!!! And, er, um . . . well . . . Palin . . . I have to vote for Palin too? . . . can't just have McCain . . . really . . . did . . . not . . . know that . . . ummmm . . . aaaaaaaah, oooh boy . . . let me see that clip again . . . hmmmmm . . . this is hard . . . okay, her too. Yes, McCain and Palin. Vote for both. Anyone who doesn't pal around with this nutcup.

Man, Reverend Wright should be an army chaplain on the Event Horizon. Liberate tutame, voters!