100 Years War

So let me get this straight - the same guy who declared Obama a failure after, what, 2 months in office, wants me to give him A HUNDRED YEARS to fix America? Quit your slacking, Beck. You get 75 years, tops.

So what's the plan, or as Beck refers to it - "The Plan"? Hold on, bucko. As Joe the Plumber demonstrated, freedom ain't free, and neither is Beck's master plan. You have to buy his book. And it ain't written yet.

But fear not. Mayor Tinfoil Hat of Loonytown reveals in his announcement a few of his ideas on how to save America from the liberals, Kenyans, Socialists, and Mexicans:

Today, I have stopped looking for a leader to show us the way out because I have come to realize that the only one who can truly save our country...is us.

By "us," he means Glenn Beck and the 5 voices in his head.

When we refuse to allow our children to receive a trophy for participation, we are on the road to restoring the meaning of merit in our Republic.

Finally! The core of what is really wrong with America - participation trophies. No more trophies! Does that include trophy wives? Better not tell Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani, and Jim McShame.

There is much to do, much to learn and time is of the essence.

That's why I need 100 years! Starting March 2010! If time weren't of the essence, it would be a 200 year plan.

we will be conducting a series of conventions. These will be full-day experiences where you will be immersed in learning about topics ranging from self-reliance, community organizing, the economy and how to be a political force in your own neighborhood and country.

Not community organizing! That's Communist stuff you learn at a Madrassa in Kenya! But not so long ago Beck was of the opinion that "The community organizer mentality — the ACORN mentality — is to distract you from their main goal, so even though some people are looking at their voter registration fraud, we should follow the money, too." What's your angle, Beck? What goal are you trying to distract us from? Is it the goal of selling books? Nah. Couldn't be.

It will require unconventional thinking and a radical plan to restore our nation to the maximum freedoms we were supposed to have been protecting, using only the battlefield of ideas.

Oh, the "battlefield of ideas." Where is this battlefield? I bet it's on the Island of Idiocy. Right next to Loonytown, Mr. Mayor. Will everyone be unarmed, or just you?

Classy Enough to Leave Him at the Footstep of the Woodshed - Round 2 All Obama

I was hyper-critical of Senator Obama's performance during the first debate at Ole' Miss. He was diffident, impassive and projected an "aw shucks, don't say that" vibe that infuriated me and must have trigger unhinged bellicosity in the true believers of liberalism. He was playing "not to lose" - a tremulous, pussy-footing performance.

Not tonight.

And probably not for the rest of this election.

Barack Obama was downright presidential this evening. John McCain was a spent force eight years removed from the window's closing. A loyal soldier who served his country for 70 years, but retired in 2006. Please go with grace.

We can debate nuances until the bovine, partisan cows come home. That's not what tonight was about, suprisingly - not the issues. It was about appearances. And, strangely, for the first time since President Clinton, a Democrat - a wonderful Democrat, his smile, oh that smile, did he just wink at me, oh my god, there are the little starbursts in my living room, I'm mesmerized, I am definitely sitting up straighter on my couch. Does this make me gay? - DAMMIT LOWRY, GIVE ME BACK MY KEYBOARD. GO BACK TO THE NATIONAL REVIEW AND ATTEND TO THE LAST SHRED OF ITS DIGNITY. Barry Goldwater has placed a coffin above his own coffin and Ronald Reagan's coffin. By the end of this thing, lots of coffins to go around. A funeral pyre for Karl Rove would be a nice closing ceremony.

Ahem.

As I was saying, a Democrat looked like next year's prototype, rakish and cherry, right off the factory line. The new model. The crusty, starchy Republican was a refurbished product, a collection of misfit parts, held together by spit and glue and the faint whiff of 20th Century cognition.

Obama sat there casually. Casually confident. And the "straight talk" express blew a tire and desperately needed a figurative and literal oil change (please see the previous post). The message was stale and message is king in presidential elections. The scuttlebutt is that Palin tried to storm the set with a life-sized poster of Bill Ayers, but secret service confused her for Cindy Sheehan and used the taser.

And you could smell the fear on the right-wing pundits in the post game. They see it slipping away. The Republican fembot on ABC conceded McCain didn't score "the knockout blow" or submit "the game changer." Yeah, no kidding. Even the conservative assassins on FoxNews tonight adopted a defeatist air. Glenn Beck, the very foundation of Goldwater's revolution, could only offer "we don't mind losing, but at least we want to lose fair" in the wake of McCain's lackluster turn and voter fraud allegations in Ohio from the RNC (losing like the Detroit Pistons in the 1990 Eastern Conference finals I see - not even shaking hands, walking off the court with time left in the fourth).

Voter fraud - we have no comment. But I (unlike some) can name a Supreme Court case: Bush v. Gore.

Let me remind you this playful parry comes from a registered independent. Check the rolls. I voted Nader in 2000 and Badnarek (be still my Libertarian heart) in 2004.

As things stand at 10:13 pm PST, I will vote for Barack Obama for President of the United States of American on November 4.

The man and his core beliefs are certainly big factors, but more so: I vote for the future. I vote for my family (my girlfriend now 10 weeks pregnant). I vote for the former glory of America and may it return as the erstwhile beacon of light that guided a world. I vote for tolerance, intelligence and foresight.

Unbelievably, without a scintilla of mockery or hyperbole (can't believe I'm saying it) - I vote for CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN.

Who am I voting for you ask?

"That one." Thanks for pointing him out, John McCain.

Posted by Warm Apple Pie.