Assassination Of Liberalism By The Coward Dennis Miller

"I don't mean to go on a rant, folks, but . . . "

Highfalutin, GOP nozzle Dennis Miller says Sarah Palin is a "great dame." He regards the appearance of the good-looking Governor's "great sex life" as the source of bile coming Palin's way courtesy of a coterie of left-leaning ice queens, presiding over cold, dour lives and marriages according to Miller, in the oppressive chasteness of Manhattan's Upper East Side.

Then, guaranteeing the homely vision of his unkempt, watery-fat, ape face will dispel any notion of giving the missus a proper pickle-tickle this evening, Miller brings Todd Palin's snow machine into his sordid allegory, commenting that it has the look of "mechanized foreplay," a precursor to Alaska's first couple's exchange of bodily fluids most likely.

In Miller's wacky, German scat-porn body politic, that's why Sarah Palin fascinates the folks: the ability to have "non-neurotic sex" with her strapping Tesoro Iron Dog champion, as Monday Night Football's worst anchor phrases it.

So there you have it, Republicans: Your new standard-bearer instills such wonderment (such "starbursts around the living room") simply because she'll opt for the receiving end of a "Cleveland Steamer" without regret, guilt or therapy in its malodorous wake.

Miller, put the little monster away - the Palins ain't in the market for scruffy, irascible three-way. And that goes for the rest of you conservative cattle-rapers: get the grand old elephant's trunk out of Sarah's face. Show some class. Pretend that she's smart and sexy. That goes for you too, Greta. Christ, will someone get Greta's tongue out of the Governor's ear?

Who needs sexist attacks from the left with hyper-sexist flattery from the right? Sarah, I'd avoid back rooms of dive bars with any combination of Rich Lowry, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill Kristol, Dennis Miller and/or Hugh Hewitt throwing back Jaeger Bombs. Get away from that pinball table, Sarah!

I just love watching Miller huff and puff in a vain, awkward effort to ingratiate himself with a confused Republican audience. You're playing to the wrong crowd, Dennis. They don't get you. They don't particularly like you either.

You want an arcane cultural reference that resonates for no one, but I'll use it anyway and not be funny? After 9-11, Miller dumped liberalism for neoconservatism quicker than Vidkun Quisling traded in Norway for Nazism at Oslo's NRK studios in April 9, 1940. You got that, babe?

Let me give you the Dennis Miller transformational chronology from pedant to pussy in the flash of a fireball:

September 10, 2001: Miller loves pot, strippers, whores, gays, blacks, books, college radio, cynicism, polysyllabic rants - a "left-leaning, Dada-ist wisenheimer"according to Slate's Dennis Cass.

September 11, 2001: Terrorists attack New York City and Washington D.C. - the prime fronts of Al Qaeda's war to rid the world of asexual, frigid liberal women.

September 12, 2001: Miller curls up in the fetal position, shrinks in fear, plays tiddlywinks with his spontaneously combusted, new found chicken-hawk vinny, pretends to hate pot, strippers, whores, gays, blacks, books, college radio and cynicism. Still goes on windy polysyllabic rants, this time annoying Real Americans and raining down a torrent of canceled, unwatchable cable talk shows and failed game show pilots - a "tell-it-like-it-is right-wing blowhard" according to Slate's Dennis Cass.

September 13, 2001: Terrorists declare victory over GOP infant Miller, still cowering in the corner of the room with a wet diaper and a baby's intellect - a.k.a an unflinching Republican soldier.

For good measure, Jack Knowledge has to get his licks in on Miller, like Fred O'Bannion laying the lumber, giving the good wood, to Mitchy Kramer:

"Know when you can tell someone could really use a good cockslap? When they manage to make Bill O'Reilly seem somewhat less douchey by comparison. We salute you Dennis Miller, you skid mark on the underpants of society."

The days of the great Dennis Miller Live on HBO are long gone.

"Of course . . . that's just The Potatoe's opinion . . . we could be wrong."

***UPDATE***: Newshounds adds its two cents on Miller's peculiar bit on The O'Reilly Factor:

Comment: Words fail me – actually two words, directed to Miller come to mind. Miller’s commentary was as offensive as that of National Review's Kevin Burke who claimed that liberal women hated Palin because they felt guilty about their abortions and because Palin chose to give birth to a Down’s baby – views shared by Fox’s Bill O’Reilly and Charles Krauthammer.

To those males, who claim to channel what liberal women think, I say STFU. As I noted on an earlier thread, liberal women do not begrudge Palin her choice – a choice which Palin would deny to other women. As I also noted, there are other issues, important to women, which Palin either ignored or was uninterested in. But what was really, really creepy (and offensive) was Miller’s fantasizing about Palin’s sex life. It sounds like Dennis Miller, rather than East Side liberal women, has some – ah – problems? And snowmobile as “foreplay” – whatever gets you through the night, Dennis!

All I can say is that one of my best friends is a working mom with four children. I don’t know about her sex life (and don't want to know). What I do know is that she gets very tired. Obviously, I am not a Sarah Palin fan; but Miller's little screed was insulting to her because it revealed that Miller’s admiration is based on her “sexuality” (ability to please her man) and not on her ability to combine a political career with raising a family which includes a child with special needs. And that is very sexist!

Greta, Miller, Lowry, etc. - GOP admiration for Palin has become disturbingly fetishistic. I'm starting to worry about her safety.

I began drafting a "funny" take on that scene from The Accused starring the neocon usual suspects, but better judgment prevailed and I abandoned the project when I envisioned Hannity doing a jig atop a bar table, cruelly ribbing a reluctant Colmes to "get that college ass ready. You're up next, college boy. I want to see that college ass work" as Rush Limbaugh and Fred Barnes held Governor Palin down on the pinball table, while . . . (swallow vomit) . . . Greta thrusted in and out between the helpless Sarah's spread legs, climaxing with an orgasm face.

I feel awful about myself right now. Bad baby, bad baby, GOP!

Followup to WAP's "McCain/elitist" post

(Pat Bateman pre-article warning - it's long. Don't complain. If you have a short attention span, skip it.)

I was going to simply leave a comment on WAP's post about John McCain calling New Yorkers "elitists" but I'm so angry at these statements by McCain that I think it deserves its own post (okay, rant...and a long one at that, I'm sorry WAP). This is something that has always irked me and will continue to always get my dander up, but usually politicians are cagey in their short-shrift to educated, liberal city-folk. But John McCain at least had the gumption to admit it directly, and so let me respond directly.

I don't care, like WAP points out, if this is provincial pandering. Probably is - chances are John McCain does not think everyone he's served with in Washington for two decades is an un-American elitist. But to say it, no matter for what possible political benefit, makes me want to waterboard him.

Ah, John, you don't like those unpatriotic American elitists in New York in their Ivory Towers much, huh? Those un-American citizens from those elitist cities, who burn the flag every day upon rising and lay down to sleep on Socialist sheets... they aren't what America is all about, right John? Guess what John... on behalf of New York, you are hereby restricted from ever discussing September 11th, 2001 again. Ever.

On that day, John, this elitist watched in horror as his hometown burned, and wondered if there were more attacks on the way. This elitist had his office building evacuated when they found anthrax across the street and wondered if he was going to be killed in a biological attack. This elitist knows the names of men - nay, truly they were still boys who never had the chance to fully become men - with whom he shared beer (domestic beer, John, don't worry - no elitist imports) and baseball who lost their lives that day. You, John, are never - ever - allowed to invoke that day for your political benefit again. No, more than that - your entire party is hereby banned. Collective punishment. I'm tired of it, and I think I speak for most of my fellow elitists when I say "this far, no further, John. You have now crossed the rubicon. You have gone too far, sir."

Perhaps this is simply my snooty elitism shining through in rational thought, but I just continue to find it so interesting that those Socialists who worked in the World Trade Center (I can only imagine from your description of New Yorkers that the real business of most who worked there was the overthrow of Capitalism itself) were the ones who died when America was attacked by terrorists and us elitist New Yorkers continue to be the Americans on US soil under constant threat of attack. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I haven't seen any security alerts or evacuations in Wasilla since... wait, ever. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Were the terrorists just stupid, John? Did they intend to attack Peoria and just say "screw it - that's too far. You have to connect, like, six times to get there from Saudi Arabia. What US city has a lot of connecting flights from abroad? New York? Uch, I mean, can't we do better than that? America doesn't care about New York. Uch, and Washington DC? Praised be Allah, even worse! But for convenience sake, let's just stick with those and see how it plays out."

Silly terrorists - all they did was kill a bunch of elitists. Perhaps if they'd gone to school more, they'd have understood the difference between "real" America and those unpatriotic elitists in New York and DC that the rest of the country despises. But, of course, the paradox arises that if they'd gone to school more, they'd probably have been elitists too (it's spread, like mono, mostly during freshman year of college through close contact. Mostly through germs on well-used copies of The Communist Manifesto), and thus too busy sodomizing each other ironically with baseballs and Mom's apple pie to martyr themselves.

It's one of those things that is so laughable that if you discussed it in the context of another country, it would be so nonsensical that you would not believe it. Imagine if the residents of some tiny, provincial outlying desert town in Israel claimed that residents of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem were elitist and "anti-Israel" and unpatriotic, despite their choice to live somewhere under constant threat of attack from enemies. You would wonder what had gotten into their hummus. "What could be MORE patriotic than refusing to leave your home town, city or country despite the threat to your family or your very life? Refusing to submit or change in the face of danger - those are the true patriots," you would think to yourself. Reminds you of that ragtag but spirited band that drove the Brits out of Dodge, right? (Just not the Founding Fathers though - those guys were totally elitist douchebags. All doctors and lawyers and scientists and writers. I'm surprised the non-elitist "Joe homegrown rye whiskey" Colonists didn't burn them at the stake, frankly. I mean, John Adams went to Harvard. He's was practically Muhammad Atta.)

"How's the view from the cheap seats?" you'd think to yourself. "Must be really easy to criticize those who have to wonder if their bus is going to explode from hundreds of miles away from the bombs and blood." You would call these people cowards, lobbing explosive words from their position safely behind the front lines - their own front lines at whom they toss their poisonous verbal missiles.

Refusing to change your way of life under threat of bodily harm - these are the true patriots of any country. They love their country so much that they will not be cowed. They will not move their homes, their families or themselves. They will not submit to violence and terror. They will resist by continuing to live in the face of aggression, perhaps afraid but ultimately unmoved in spirit and courage. They will risk their lives every day by the simple act of living somewhere under fire. But their way of life is too important to be compromised. Their daily lives are a testament to the definition of patriotism. If that is elitist, I am guilty as charged - and would never want to be anything but.

Yet when we face that same situation here in America, it is somehow acceptable to paint the only American citizens who have ever been in real, actual danger as un-patriotic, un-American elitist snobs who thumb their noses at this country and then wipe it with the Stars and Stripes. I was never mad at you, John. Disappointed? Sure. Saddened? Yup. Never mad though.

But not now.

Now I'm angry, John. Not to put too fine a point on it, without using those snobby elitist SAT words that us city folks throw around, let me be plain: go fuck yourself.

Washington D.C. And New York City: Last Bastions Of Elitism

I'd rather vote George W. Bush for a third term than John McCain.

An excerpt from another segment of Brian Williams's conversation with the GOP ticket - you know, John McCain aned Sarah Palin: the 8-house-owning, 150k-on-clothes-spending, just like you and me, couple of mavericks, couple of average Joes, really feeling the economic crisis, hankered down and suffering, real Americans from real American states and electoral districts - broadcast tonight on NBC:

WILLIAMS: Who is a member of the elite?

PALIN: Oh, I guess just people who think that they're better than anyone else. And-- John McCain and I are so committed to serving every American. Hard-working, middle-class Americans who are so desiring of this economy getting put back on the right track. And winning these wars. And America's starting to reach her potential. And that is opportunity and hope provided everyone equally. So anyone who thinks that they are-- I guess-- better than anyone else, that's-- that's my definition of elitism. WILLIAMS: So it's not education? It's not income-based? It's--

PALIN: Anyone who thinks that they're better than someone else.

WILLIAMS: --a state of mind? It's not geography?

PALIN: 'Course not.

WILLIAMS: Senator?

MCCAIN: I-- I know where a lot of 'em live. (LAUGH)

WILLIAMS: Where's that?

MCCAIN: Well, in our nation's capital and New York City. I've seen it. I've lived there. I know the town. I know-- I know what a lot of these elitists are. The ones that she never went to a cocktail party with in Georgetown. I'll be very frank with you. Who think that they can dictate what they believe to America rather than let Americans decide for themselves.

Over 3000 of these "elites" died in New York City and Washington D.C. on 9-11, you crusty curmudgeon. And how many cocktail parties and snooty soirees have you attended in your 26 years as a senator?

I cannot believe how much pandering provincialism spews out of this ticket on a daily basis.