Really? Are you serious?

On Friday the Alaska Legislature released its "Troopergate" report finding that Governor Sarah Palin had abused her power. Finding Number One of the Commission's report reads:

Finding Number One:

"For the reasons stated in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her powers by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act."

Saturday, in response to a question about the legislature finding explicitly that she had abused her powers, Governor Palin insisted that the investigation found “no unlawful or unethical activity on my part,” and added that “there was no abuse of authority at all in trying to get Officer Wooten fired.”

Really? Because I'm pretty sure it found the exact opposite of that. Good one though. Liar.

Timely? No. Pithy? Yes.

I realize this commentary is about a month late, but I wasn't technically the most handsome blogger in the World a month ago, and I still think the subject is comment worthy. I was walking down the street on Friday night and observed a sign hanging in someone's apartment window. It read, simply:

"Oxymoron: A Christian who slanders public service."

Think about it. Sure, it's not actually an oxymoron (e.g.: deafening silence, jumbo shrimp, etc.) but it is, at a minimum, ironic. And shocking.

"He's an . . . an . . . Arab . . . No?"

Video of the 75-year-old woman, Gayle Quinnell, a McCain campaign volunteer, who cornered McCain at a townhall rally in Lakeview, Minnesota yesterday and proffered a criticism of Barack Obama for being an "Arab."

Here, she is engaged by a number of reporters after the rally asking for clarification of her statements to McCain.

Honestly, she doesn't emit a meanness, suffering more from a mix of dimness and dotage. And she lacks any self-awareness of her misguided views.

When it is explained that Obama's estranged father was Muslim, but that he was raised Christian by his mother's grandparents, predictably Quinnell counters "well, he's still got that Muslim in him."

Quinnell also notes her efforts on behalf of McCain-Palin: doing a mass mailer of 400 letters to people in the phonebook containing "really bad stuff" about Obama.

Yea, Though We Walk Through the Valley Of Political Death

Invocation delivered today by Reverend Arnold Conrad of the Grace Free Evangelical Church at the beginning of a McCain rally in Davenport, Iowa:

"I would also pray, Lord, that your reputation is involved in all that happens between now and November, because there are millions of people around this world praying to their god — whether it's Hindu, Buddha, Allah — that his opponent wins, for a variety of reasons . . . And Lord, I pray that you would guard your own reputation, because they're going to think that their god is bigger than you, if that happens. So I pray that you will step forward and honor your own name with all that happens between now and Election Day."

One party. Under God. The one true God. Better than your lesser gods, deities and superstitions.

And (of course) the requisite "distancing" from the McCain campaign reacting to Reverend Conrad's peculiar benediction:

"While we understand the important role that faith plays in informing the votes of Iowans, questions about the religious background of the candidates only serve to distract from the real questions in this race about Barack Obama’s judgment, policies and readiness to lead as commander in chief.”

I couldn't agree more. Then put your house in order, McCain, or are their too many bigoted moving parts? Is it even your party anymore?



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"Lord, we are so scared of an Obama Presidency. Hear us! Deliver us!"
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Palin's Romper Room

Governor Palin and her cabinet.

Palin abused her power, but did not overstep her authority as governor in attempting to get her ex-brother-in-law state trooper fired by bringing pressure to bear on her Public Safety Commission, Walter Monegan, then ultimately terminating his employment instead.

Just enough meat on the bone for the liberals to feed, but not enough to be sated. And certainly not enough to force Palin to gracefully bow out of the race.

But Time.com appraises the gleaming evidentiary booty contained within the Troopergate report treasure trove: a depiction of a woefully inept, bungling and puerile Palin administration, conducting affairs, wielding power and badly behaving like an elementary schoolyard bully at recess giving "wedgies," "shark bites," and "purple-nurples":

But the [Troopergate] report still makes for good reading, if only because it convincingly answers a question nobody had even thought to ask: Is the Palin administration shockingly amateurish? Yes, it is. Disturbingly so.

The 263 pages of the report show a co-ordinated application of pressure on Monegan so transparent and ham-handed that it was almost certain to end in public embarrassment for the governor. The only surprise is that Troopergate is national news, not just a sorry piece of political gristle to be chewed on by Alaska politicos over steaks at Anchorage's Club Paris.

A harsh verdict? Consider the report's findings. Not only did people at almost every level of the Palin administration engage in repeated inappropriate contact with Walt Monegan and other high-ranking officials at the Department of Public Safety, but Monegan and his peers constantly warned these Palin disciples that the contact was inappropriate and probably unlawful. Still, the emails and calls continued — in at least one instance on recorded state trooper phone lines.

Most disturbingly, the report paints Todd Palin, aka the "First Dude," as a major player in the effort to get the state trooper, then Monegan fired. In fact, the report finds that Mr. Palin often held court with Monegan in Governor Palin's office on an adjacent conference room table, berating him with binders of documentary "proof" justifying the urgent need to hand the trooper his walking papers. When Monegan vacillated, then refused, Mr. Palin became enraged and began a protocol targeting Monegan, attempting to access his personnel files and pumping his Monegan's department for information.

I shudder to think what type of power-plays, vendettas and political beatdowns Palin would and could dish out from her new digs at One Observatory Circle (only a few miles from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue mind you).

Is Barack Obama Muslim?

Oh my God.

Is he??????

Most Likely to Suceed: Sarah Louise Heath, Wasilla High School, Class of 1982

Potatoe contributor, Patrick Bateman, shows there is no love lost between him and Sarah Palin, and no blood left for his puny liberal heart to bleed when he makes this smug wisecrack in his recent post about the Governor of Alaska's current cabinet:

"Her administration looks suspiciously like the Wasilla High School prom committee, circa 1982 (no, really - seven members of the '82 prom committee are on her staff. True story. No - it isn't. But you believed it for a second. Doesn't that tell you all you need to know about this person? That you momentarily believed that? Think about it.)."

Typical. Chairman Bateman and the rest of his red comrades getting a good communist giggle at the expense of Governor Sarah Palin. Disgusting. Sarah Palin: A maverick, a reformer, a lipsticked pitbull, a hockey mom, part of the middle class, just like you and me, the genuine article. Truly a rock star, a real bona fide American . . . . . . huh? . . . say what now? . . .

"The New York Times is reporting today that Gov. Sarah Palin appointed close friends of hers to high-paying government jobs and offered them much higher salaries than they would be entitled to in the private sector. Many of Palin’s political appointees attended Wasilla High School, something which has led observers to note that the school yearbook could serve as a directory of state government.

Let’s look at just a few of Palin’s cronies. Palin appointed Mr. Britney, her former junior high school band mate as her legislative director. Another classmate, Joe Austermann manages the economic development office for $82,908 a year. Palin also hired her former schoolmate, Franci Havemeister to head the State Department of Agriculture. Havemeister previously worked as a real estate agent and cited her childhood love of cows as qualifications to run the agency. Ms. Havemeister earns $95,000 a year as director of the agency."

From the impartially-titled blog Sarah Palin Exposed. But every fact from the Times article has been verified.

Um . . . hmmm . . . well . . . ahhh . . . let me tell you about a gentleman by the name of William Ayers.

I got your back, Bateman.

Palin Found Guilty After Finding Self Not Guilty

As many of you no doubt have read or will read on the Internets, the Googles or the Interwebs, whatever your information portal of choice - even, heaven forbid, an old fashioned newspaper made out of, I believe, dinosaur skin - the bipartisan report by the Alaska state legislature has been released. And sure as rootin' tootin', fresh 'n fruit'n, that ol' Wasilla Main Street straightalker, Sarah Palin, inaugural member and so far only ever GILF, is guilty of abusing her power in firing a dude who didn't want to fire another dude who had divorced her sister or something.

Listen, this report doesn't thrill me. I wouldn't have taken the time to post for you people just on the results of this report. I have other things to do. No effing sheit she abused her power. Her administration looks suspiciously like the Wasilla High School prom committee, circa 1982 (no, really - seven members of the '82 prom committee are on her staff. True story. No - it isn't. But you believed it for a second. Doesn't that tell you all you need to know about this person? That you momentarily believed that? Think about it.). Sarah is the top dawg and she abuses everyone from Todd on down. That "first dude" has definitely worn ankle cuffs and strap on moose antlers if you catch my drift. So the fact that she basically berated this guy in violation of something or other is not surprising to me in the least. Nor is it surprising that a state legislature that I would bet dollars to donuts that she pushes around regularly is quietly enjoying the role reversal and getting to stick it to her in a way several of the pundits on this site would like to. But that's another story.

NONE of this is the point. The POINT, dear readers, is that she was already found to have been NOT in violation of any laws, regulations, kosher dietary restrictions or removing the tags from her Sealy posturopedic. A report released just yesterday demonstrated her innocence from these inflammatory charges. And what brave soul had the courage in these troubled times to come forward and absolve Sarah Palin of the smack of wrongdoing? Well, in an homage to the adage that if you want something done right, do it yourself, the report was issued by none other than Sarah Palin.

Yes, ahead of today's bipartisan legislative report finding her guilty of abuse of power, Sarah Palin, in a well-reasoned and thoroughly vetted report released yesterday said, My Cousin Vinny style, that everything that committee is gonna say tomorrow is [expletive deleted]. No, really. She released her OWN report. I don't even have a joke for this. She released her own report. In it, she interviewed both herself and also I think maybe one of her kids to see what they thought about it. She also I believe asked her dry cleaner some questions and had a spirited back and forth with her Inuit cleaning lady about the issue. In the end, the evidence gleaned from inside Sarah Palin's head clearly demonstrated that Sarah Palin was not guilty of anything except a massive amount of hubris.

I'm releasing my own report countering the toxicology screening showing that I'm a full-blown alcoholic and my liver is the liver of a 73 year old Irish dock worker. In my hard-hitting interview with my own liver, I will refute all of these scurrilous allegations that denigrate either me or the health of my liver.

Sarah Palin. I salute you. Releasing your own report. Hubris run amok... someone needs to take you over their knee, Sarah. But still, I salute you. Well, I'm using both hands to type. But salute you I still do, if you catch my drift you minx.

McCain Realizes the Flames are Out of Control

Pretty amazing video from Minnesota. And pretty amazing how depressingly ignorant some Americans are. There are honest, uneducated citizens that have a more basic view of the world. Then there are recklessly uninformed simpletons who are violating their citizen's end of the bargain with the United States.

These people are shameful and dim the light that should be America. Very sad.

McCain Fights For His Political Soul . . .

. . . and the votes of rational thinking independents and moderates.

From Time, by way of contributor Defective Pants, McCain contains the fire and beats back the barbarian hoards.

The McCain-Pal-ynch Mob

From NBC's Mark Murray:

Earlier today, Obama remarked on recent outbursts of "Traitor!" "Terrorist!" and "Kill him!" at McCain campaign events. "It's easy to rile up a crowd," Obama said. "Nothing's easier than riling up a crowd by stoking anger and division. But that's not what we need right now in the United States."

In response, McCain senior adviser Nicolle Wallace released this statement, NBC's Kelly O'Donnell reports. "Barack Obama's assault on our supporters is insulting and unsurprising. These are the same people obama called 'bitter' and attacked for 'clinging to guns' and faith. He fails to understand that people are angry at corrupt practices in Washington and Wall Street and he fails to understand that America's working families are not 'clinging' to anything other than the sincere hope that Washington will be reformed from top to bottom."

"Attacking our supporters is a new low for the campaign that's run more millions of dollars of negative ads than any other in history."

So no unqualified rejection or strong denouncement of paroxysms of rage hurled from certain members of the crowd at McCain-Palin rally, calling Obama a "terrorist" or demanding his death?!?!?!? Obama comments touched on stoking crowd anger and riling up the crowd, by no means a critique of McCain supporters' political views and opinions.

The McCain campaign is free-falling from negative and shrill to sickening and dangerous.

To channel Drudge for a moment, Devolving . . .

They're Trying to Kill Him

Accuse him of palling around with terrorists? Check
Say he doesn't see America the way that ordinary Americans do? Check
Claim he is - hint, hint - from the street? Check
Insinuate that his campaign is funded by foreign terrorists? Check
Stoke the fires of hatred and racism? Check
Invoke cries of "terrorist!" and "traitor!"? Check
Look the other way when a supporter advocates murder? Check
Defend those views as coming from "ordinary Americans?" Check
Taking it a step further and actually accusing Obama of attacking those same violent, enraged nutjobs? Holy shit, check

McCain has gone too far. Will an adult please step in before one of these wackjobs takes the obvious cues being given by McCain and "puts country first" by trying to take Obama out? Really.

MSNBC:

McCain camp defends the behavior?
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2008 3:30 PM by Mark MurrayFiled Under: 2008, McCain
From NBC's Mark MurrayEarlier today, Obama remarked on recent outbursts of "Traitor!" "Terrorist!" and "Kill him!" at McCain campaign events. "It's easy to rile up a crowd," Obama said. "Nothing's easier than riling up a crowd by stoking anger and division. But that's not what we need right now in the United States."

In response, McCain senior adviser Nicolle Wallace released this statement, NBC's Kelly O'Donnell reports. "Barack Obama's assault on our supporters is insulting and unsurprising. These are the same people obama called 'bitter' and attacked for 'clinging to guns' and faith. He fails to understand that people are angry at corrupt practices in Washington and Wall Street and he fails to understand that America's working families are not 'clinging' to anything other than the sincere hope that Washington will be reformed from top to bottom."

"Attacking our supporters is a new low for the campaign that's run more millions of dollars of negative ads than any other in history."

*** UPDATE *** McCain campaign spokesman Brian Rogers adds in another statement: “Barack Obama’s attacks on Americans who support John McCain reveal far more about him than they do about John McCain. It is clear that Barack Obama just doesn’t understand regular people and the issues they care about. He dismisses hardworking middle class Americans as clinging to guns and religion, while at the same time attacking average Americans at McCain rallies who are angry at Washington, Wall Street and the status quo."

Why Obama is Always in the Bathroom

Hahahaha - "You want some of Barack too, Palin? Um . . . there is plenty to, um, go around."

Brilliant.

How Randolph and Mortimer Duke ruined the economy

I'll admit it, I know even less about the economy than John McCain, and believe me "my friends," that's saying a mouthful. What little I do know did not come from watching shouty douche-nozzle Jim Cramer, or any other self-anointed experts. No, I learned everything I know about the economy from Trading Places, and what is happening in our economy can be explained by reference to it.

For instance, the reason AIG needed to be bailed out is because they didn't have enough money to cover all of the bad mortgages they insured through CDOs. Consider the following:

[after breaking a vase]
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey, sorry about that.
Randolph Duke: It's perfectly all right William. It was your vase.
Billy Ray Valentine: That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right?
Randolph Duke: I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000. [Coleman, Mortimer, Randolph, and Billy Ray start laughing]
Billy Ray Valentine: You want me to break something else?
Randolph Duke, Mortimer Duke, Coleman: NO!

The principle is that you can break stuff if you value it more highly than it's worth and you make money doing it. You only have to stop breaking things when the insurance company runs out of cash because everyone is breaking their stuff.

The current crisis on Wall Street similarly can be explained by Trading Places:

Randolph Duke: Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?
Billy Ray Valentine: Okay, pork belly* prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, "Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL! SELL!" to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now, I can feel it. [on the ticker machine, the price keeps dropping]
Randolph Duke: He's right, Mortimer! My God, look at it!

Bottom line: I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, because when I was growing up, if we wanted a jacuzzi we had to fart in the tub, but I sure am good looking.

*Pork bellies, which is used to make bacon, which you might find in a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

Posted by Jack Knowledge

Sarah Palin Visits My Dreams

Any shrinks out there? Had a strange dream last night about Sarah Palin:

It's a little fuzzy, but I first found myself in the produce section of a grocery store. I was apparently running for public office. There was a huge spread of vegetables stacked high like a mountain. I grabbed a tomato and gave a stump speech about its virtues: "A tomato wants liberty and freedom and democracy just like we yearn for those things. A tomato is tolerant and fair just like we are tolerant and fair." Something like that.

Suddenly, Palin emerged from the crowd of onlookers, wearing a pink Sean John jump suit, and screamed "avocados!!!!!" She then started climbing the vegetable mountain. Whe she reached the apex she held up the crowning avocado and yelped "I hold the avocado, you betcha!" The crowd hooted wildy and let out thunderous applause. Whe she descended back down, she jumped off the veggies, winked at me and then smacked my on the ass like I was rounding third after hitting a home run.

Things got a little confused after that, but the dream came back into focus at a construction site in downtown Manhattan. Similarly another indeterminate political rally. This time I was wearing a singlet - you know - like King Kong Bundy. In the middle of the construction pit were two turntables. Suddenly a slow murmur befell the crowd, followed by clapping: It was Palin again - this time decked out in red, white and blue sun dress with Fourth of July sparkler planted in a fifties bee-hive hairdo. Curtsying for the crowd's approval, Palin gave me the finger - yes, Sarah Palin flipped me the bird - pointed in my direction and yelled over and over again: "Fat Boy on a diet. Fat Boy on a diet. Fat Boy on a diet." Her words were strangely modulated, like Lil' Wayne recording "Lollipop." The crowd erupted in belly laughter and chanted "Fat Boy, Fat Boy, Fat Boy."

After her supporters settled down, Palin leaped into the air, landed on top the turn tables, squatted and (I feel uncomfortable about this next part too) urinated on the equipment. Yep . . . she peed on the turntables.

Then she winked at me again.

I woke up drowning in sweat. In a panic I looked down the bed - thank goodness: The last time I pissed the bed will still remain freshman year, Greek Week.

What does it mean?

Mrs. McMaverick Plays Sanitation Worker Too

"WASHINGTON (AP) - Cindy McCain has accused Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama of running 'the dirtiest campaign in American history.'

In remarks reported Tuesday by The Tennessean, she said she initially did not want her husband John McCain to seek the Republican presidential nomination after a brutal primary struggle in 2000 against George W. Bush.

By the way, Cindy McCain's . . . um . . . modern take on Count Dracula, cost all told an estimated $318,000, including three-carat $280,000 diamond earrings. Her style is all the rage on Main Street with Joe Six-Packs and Hockey Moms emulating her look. "I spent a month's paycheck on a Oscar De La Renta thread and it is so worth it," said Ima Dupeeveryfouryearsa, wearing a sweatsuit from the new Spring line at Target, with a gold thread lying on her shoulder. "It's just like Cindy's ensemble - she's so like us. So not elite."

'The days of Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill are what we need to look to: a divided government but a government that needs to agree to disagree,' Cindy McCain told reporters after visiting children at a Nashville hospital and prior to the presidential debate. 'We're now seeing polarizing factions, people politicizing things that should be about what's best for America. Instead, they're doing what's best for themselves.'

The Obama campaign declined to comment.

In 2000, John McCain lost the GOP primary in South Carolina to George W. Bush due in large part to insinuations that he fathered an illegitimate child. The couple adopted one daughter, Bridget, from Mother Teresa's orphanage in Bangladesh.

Her comments came as the McCain campaign's tone has become increasingly harsh.

Nearly every TV ad McCain ran last week was negative, compared to just 34 percent of those by Obama, according to an analysis by the Wisconsin Advertising Project released on Wednesday.

Also on Wednesday, Cindy McCain criticized Obama for voting against a bill to pay for the troops in Iraq.

'The day that Sen. Obama cast a vote not to fund my son when he was serving sent a cold chill through my body, let me tell you,' she told a Pennsylvania crowd before introducing the Arizona senator and his running mate Sarah Palin.

In fact, Obama consistently voted for Iraq troop financing except on one occasion. In May 2007, he voted against a troop-funding bill because it did not also specify steps for a withdrawal.

And McCain has not always voted for money for the troops. On one troop-funding bill supported by Obama, McCain missed the vote and encouraged President Bush to veto it, because it did call for withdrawal."

Is it pernicion, self-denial, political myopia or unthinkable ignorance. Can we be very far from Todd Palin"s, aka Greta's "First Dude," astute view of Obama to inject a little more toxicity to McCain-Palin rallies.

"Um . . . don't really know the dude . . . um . . . you know, I just really like to ride snowmobiles . . . um, got no real bone to pick with the man . . ."

(searing look from Sarah)

". . . right . . . well, I don't know him because he don't let no one know him . . . he's a terrorist . . . I mean, crap, crap . . . I mean he likes the terrorists, American terrorists that is. He's a black fella too . . . that can't be good."

God Bless America. God Damn America. God Save America.

Dem Democrat "Hooligans"

"I am madder than a old wet hen. Let me translate dat der jumble-o-words I just dropped on yah, McCain: I ain't happy as a pig in slog no more. Even dem lipstick pig variety and such. Get dem commie bastards, Pelosi, the lot of em, and that uppity boy Obama. Get him good!"

Get them, Johnny. Go get them!!!! Burst through that door and hack'em up!!!!!

Nothing is more Americana then an ol' country kook cleaning the crust from his mouth, rattling his partisan chains around like Jacob Marley, calling the Democrats "hooligans" and "socialists," atavistically referring to "an Obama" like he's subhuman for having a feasible health care plan, then starting a hackneyed "U.S.A . . . U.S.A." chant just in case you thought McCain was hosting a tea party in Paris.

And the curmudgeon's incendiary red glare, an octogenarians head full of air! Francis Scott Key was the original Toby Keith. Yippeee! U.S.A! Obama is a muslim, terrorist, radical! Kill darky! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

The gap is shrinking between embellishment and what my eyes perceive. That's frightening.

Whether it's Dennis Miller deranged bellicosity on the O'Reilly Factor, looking into the camera and screaming at McCain to "fight, John. Fight!!!" or Michelle Malkin making the case for her own internment because she can't live under a Democratic administration, the Republican Party is fraying at the base (or is it a Socialist administration as the next bucket of radical paint is dumped on Barack Obama for tomorrow's news cycle).

There are many revealing moments in the short video of Waukesha, Wisconsin apoplexy! A complete lack of respect for McCain, the rampaging codger giving the "maverick" senator the business and telling him in campaign speak to "shut his piehole" (ie, "Let me finish, please"). The imbecilic dissonance of two sequential sentences, one saying "and I'm not mad about the economy," the very next sentence shrieking I'm mad "about the socialists taking over our country."

Socialism (as defined by Merriam Webster): Any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

Hey Wilford Brimley - you're mad at the economy, you f**king wingnut, or at least you will be when they repossess your PT Cruiser, they take your job away greeting at the Wall-Mart and disabuse you of your last five dollars because the church needed it! It's the Christian thing to do.

What's the use. There is an exorbitant premium on making sense within conservative dens during the last throes of what Karl Rove touted "50 years of Republican domination."

I found McCain's instinctual response to the surly fella even more fascinating. It's almost like he's uncomfortable consorting with these vitriolic crackers demanding a political lynching of Obama. "Act together because all of us are Americans first." All of us. And McCain will "work with anyone" and "work together as one nation indivisible."

But the ideological dummies, clod fanatics of neo-conservatism on the wan and firebrand zealots waving their bibles wildy don't want bipartisanship, cooperation or even the "maverick" persona McCain and Palin shill.

They want leftist blood. They want to murder liberalism. They have no idea why. The rhetoric is a hodge-podge of hate, fear, insecurity, a dollup of subconscious racism (a bigger helping for some folks) and confusion. They cannot formulate sentences to express this madness. It's a venomous melange of terrorism, communism, socialism, radicalism, liberalism, nihilism and any other "ism" reduced and muddled into formless chimeras haunting the good neighbors on Main Street, Mayberry as they slumber.

It's a request for grotesque and unseemly tactics that John McCain may not fulfill - for two reasons:

One, a political view, that this election is not won by preaching to the converted at Republican rallies, but by appealing to the whopping 40% of the electorate that consider themselves independent, many of them rational thinkers, unfettered by party talking points.

And two, a moral view (really, an American view): that I will not spark a match and set this country ablaze when the blood in my veins pulses with doing the right, but sometimes unpopular thing and working with members of both parties if that's what it takes to accomplish it.

How ironic: McCain might lose this election because he truly does put "country first." As dirty as it's getting, McCain may not be willing to cross every line, only most of them. And that will come up short.

RANDOLPH, WE'RE DOOMED!

Dow Jones dips below 9000, drops 680 points today, down for eight straight days. No credit. No lending. No trust. No confidence.

In the words of one financial analyst, Billy Ray Valentine:

"Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, "Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL! SELL!" to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now, I can feel it."

First, the foreclosures on "subprime" (a euphemism for "bat sh*t crazy risk of default, no way this jester is paying, this bank is run by nutcups") mortgages - this all started with a single loan officer shaking the hand of a single home mortgagor with a 600 credit score and a fledgling career as a Subway sandwich artist, agreeing to lend purchase-money (all the purchase-money - asking for earnest money is so passe) for a $900,000 home.

Then the companies which purchased, repackaged and pooled these mortgages crash. Then the hedge funds creating and issuing mortgage-backed securities can't meet their calls. They crash. Next the monolithic, seemingly impermeable investment bank parents of hedge funds incinerate in a plume of mountainous debt, dead paper and "under water" home loans (Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, etc.). Next, insurance companies with financial product divisions and a weakness for $23,000 "rub-n-tugs" start to falter.

Free market weeps. Free market calls its nemesis - The Federal Government - and panhandles for a trillion dollars in loose change. The Federal Government acts quickly approving a 700 billion dollar bailout backed by the American taxpayer promise "we probably won't move to Canada and continue to pay taxes . . . probably."

Whoops, I misspoke - forgot about that $30 billion to prop up Bear Stearns. Well, come to think about it, there was $200 billion to Freddie Mac and Fannie May. And the $800 billion of liquidity pumped by the Federal Reserve this week.

Good point - the $80 billion to AIG too. That's pretty bananas, to handout so much . . . what's that . . . you are sh*ttin' me? . . . another $38 billion! Jesus Christ, they spent $445,000 in government cake on a filthy, hedonistic executive retreat, replete with hookers, drugs and dirty stroke massages, less than a week after receiving the first installment.

Note: I have not a shred of evidence that AIG threw the biggest, most indulgent bachelor party in history. I'm only saying AIG spent $23,000 on at the "hotel spa" and $10,000 on what was termed in the ledgers "leisure dining." For $33,000, I'm pretty sure that masseuse/chef gave a hell of a deep tissue rubdown, maybe Thai, cooked a fine meal, and then blew and sucked dry every AIG executive for the next 72 hours.

That's sort of sexist, Warm Apple Pie: How do you know the execs were all men? I don't. That's why I was using the genderless "blew and sucked dry" which encompasses "tongue flutters" and "finger bangs."

I digress.

The market plummets each day. There's no lending between companies, no credit approved, no movement of liquid assets for debt. The Fed cuts interest rates. The World Bank cuts rates. Still no confidence.

And that brings us to today's market debacle. Let's look to tomorrow. Sun will come out! Right? Tomorrow, right?

Credit is frozen and credit is the foundation of our economy. The financial sector is paralyzed with fear. Each major player holds onto its dwindling value with kung-fu grip. The spigot is closed so the crisis "trickles down" instead of a cascade of money. Now, blue chip companies, manufacturers, industrial outfits can't get credit. In turn, no credit means no operating capital, and no operating capital means payroll is unrealizable.

If they can't pay you, they can't employ you. The ominous reports of firm-wide layoffs begin. 1000 folks here and there. And familiar names too: General Motors, Ebay, Coca-Cola, maybe even supposed tech gems like Google and Microsoft. 1000 becomes 5000, 10,000. The unemployment rate ticks up: 6%, 6.3%, 7%. Unemployment means you cannot meet your personal obligations and the financial sector takes a second big hit on credit card debts (guess what? That debt was repackaged, sold, pooled and securitized as well by Wall Street drinking from its infinite wisdom well).

Now, unemployed Joe six-pack (drinking Coors instead of Stella now) is out of options. Once gainfully employed, he can't bring in income (it's unfortunate - a little "ancillary" treat is the 100,000 dollars his 401K coughed up in less than a year. At age 59, Joe six-pack had planned retirement in a few years. Try 20 years now, Joe, assuming you can get a job. 59 year olds are prime candidates for employers.).

Like the subprime buyers, Joe owns a home too. He's a mortgagor. Fairly, he wasn't classified as a subprime risk when he purchased his home. He even put some money down with a decent credit score. But he's going to default because there's no work. Here comes another round of foreclosures - this time for genuinely low risk borrowers.

And guess f**king what: these home loans were, again, repackaged, sold, pooled and securitized by Wall Street drinking from its infinite wisdom well.

Around and around the circle of distrust we go. The disastrous cycle begins again.

But dammit, We may go down. We may lose our jobs. We may lose our houses, our cars, our families, our American pride. However, with the timely help of John McCain, we will get to the bottom of the Ayers-Obama connection I promise you.

Which is it, Senator Obama???? Did you say "hello" to Ayers in your chance neighborhood meeting or did you say "hello, how are you." Which is it, Senator???? Why are you snickering??? What, because I'm wearing a barrel with suspenders and eating a cat? Well, I'm having some issues with solvency. It's none of your business, Barack Hussein Obama! What's that? You have a plan to help the economy! Quit trying to change the subject! Now, you served on a charitable board with Ayers. Hmmm, how big was the table you sat at during meetings? Were you next to Ayers or across the table? Was lunch served at the meetings? Answer the questions!

They say the band played on when the Titanic was sinking. We might as well laugh as we break ground on the future site of Barter Town, draft the "Laws of 8" and spray paint "12 monkeys" on the garage door of the house we just got evicted from.

I'm sure living underground will be lovely. I can't wait to my grandkids evolve into mole people.

What did the 5 fingers say to the face?

SLAP!! Obama camp getting tough.

MSNBC First Read:

ST. JOSEPH, MO – Joe Biden echoed the campaign’s response to continued Republican efforts to highlight Obama’s past associations, adding a personal touch to the idea that McCain wasn’t willing to make the attacks in person.“All of the things they said about Barack Obama in the TV, on the TV, at their rallies, and now on YouTube … John McCain could not bring himself to look Barack Obama in the eye and say the same things to him,” Biden said this morning. “In my neighborhood, when you’ve got something to say to a guy, you look him in the eye and you say it to him.”

Biden, who arrived on stage in St. Joseph to chants of “Joe! Joe! Joe,” urged the crowd not to be distracted by McCain claims, saying that every “false charge, every baseless accusation is an attempt to get you to stop paying attention to what’s going on in this country and what’s going on in your lives.” And on the issues that matter, he said, McCain is offbase, particularly on his newest mortgage plan.

Coats adds:

Frankly, I've always believed that the quickest way to show you're a chump is to run around telling everyone about that aren't one. You want to prove to the American people that you aren't shook? Don't talk them to death. Get in the ring and kick the other guys ass. It's that simple. Screw all this talk about who's tougher than who. Here is what I know: McCain will talk that shit about Ayers and brag about taking the gloves off. He will send his wife and Sarah Palin out to do his dirty work. But when faced with the man who he believes "palls around with terrorist" he played his position.

Obama - "Say it to my face, Maverick!":

Sambo? Not Her Style.

Charley James, a self-described "American journalist, author and essayist who lives in Toronto" (an expatriate! I'm dubious already), claims Governor Palin described Barack Obama's hard fought victory of Hillary Clinton in a manner worthy of note to Alaskan locals at a diner:

"So Sambo beat the bitch!" This is how Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin described Barack Obama's win over Hillary Clinton to political colleagues in a restaurant a few days after Obama locked up the Democratic Party presidential nomination.

According to Lucille, the waitress serving her table at the time and who asked that her last name not be used, Gov. Palin was eating lunch with five or six people when the subject of the Democrat's primary battle came up. The governor, seemingly not caring that people at nearby tables would likely hear her, uttered the slur and then laughed loudly as her meal mates joined in appreciatively.

The article connects Palin with other racial epithets such as the very colorful "Artic Arabs" (very Disney-sounding) describing Alaska's aboriginal population or opting for a more classically bawdy tact, lumping in a number of folks as "f**king Eskimos."

Sambo? I don't think so. I mean wouldn't you fancy Palin as more of a "N" word type of gal? Sambo shows a bit too much keen hate-mongering, able to delineate Obama's constituent parts - the word "Sambo" extracted from the 1899 page turner Little Black Sambo depicting an indian boy's triumph over a pack of ravenous tigers and used in bigoted circles to denote a person of mixed African and Amerindian heritage. Of course, Sambo now pretty much conflates all African-Americans into one lump of dark-skinned people. Perhaps Palin is cognizant of such nuances and said "fair game on that Sambo there, also, you betcha he is a Sambo and I'm going to talk straight to those folks on main street about Sambo too as well."

Most telling: only James has reported this diner exchange in his article published more than a month ago. The mainstream media is not exactly blowing on these embers.

Conclusion: Unsubstantiated. Likely false.